One Week Left (Just plain One Week Left, no exclamation points, but no sad faces either)

At this time in exactly a week i will be in the Dallas airport, probably crying, waiting for my plane to take me the short 3 and a half hours back home, back to Portland. (Man that's so weird to think about!!!)

Since i officially only have a week left, i think it's time to do some reflecting. By that, i mean willing reflection, because i have been doing it unwillingly for the last two weeks. Sleep has become something less and less known to me because i have so much swimming around in my head at night, i can't stop it to go to sleep!!! So many memories, so many faces, so many lessons, so much pain, and so much joy, NO WONDER i'm only getting 5 to 6 hours a night, and that's on a GOOD night. (The heat is also a MAJOR factor in this as well.)

I'm thinking a lot about both the big and the little things, but obviously the big more than the little.

I constantly think about the fact that I am forgetting things about home:

*What the voices of my friends sound like

*What it feels like to drive

*Details about my house

*The sound of my dogs barking or my chickens laying an egg in the morning

I’ve been thinking a lot about everything I’ve missed:

*Family birthdays and holidays

*Big Firsts like my Katie’s first day of college, Livy’s first water polo game, or Ari’s first high school play

*Family dinners where i have to raise my hand to get a word in edge-wise

*I’ve missed so much of the lives of my family and friends and I can’t ever get it back.....

I’ve been thinking about all the lessons I’ve learned:

*God FINALLY got it burned into my head that I am WEAK without him!!!!

*I’ve learned the hard way that I can’t do ANYTHING without God

*I’ve learned how to love people in ways I never before thought possible

*Thanks to the INCREDIBLE church I attend here, I have learned how exciting and breath-taking a TRUE relationship with Christ can be!!!

*I’ve learned so much about myself, and it’s all still so fresh in my head, I can’t even find the words to put it down on paper!!!

I’ve been thinking soooooooo much about all the INCREDIBLE people God has blessed my life here with. The family i live with, the family i spend most of my time with, and the family i have built with the AMAZING friends i have here!!!!!!!!!!!!

And i have also been thinking about the little things that i am going to miss so much. All the inside jokes that no one at home will understand, all the little accomplishments, all the little things i’m not going to have when i go home.

1. (I have to brag a little, sorry) BUT I HAVE OFFICIALLY GONE MY WHOLE TIME HERE WITHOUT ONCE PUTTING THE TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET!!!!!!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!
2. The laughs of my friends here that send me into a fit of hysteric laughter myself that I won’t hear again for who knows how long
3. The sounds in the streets that have become part of life, like the annoying garbage bell, and the never ending gas song
4. The feeling of waking up every morning knowing that i get to go to work in a place that God is BLESSING!!!
5. All the INCREDIBLE DELICIOUS food that has almost killed me so many times but that i am still going to miss
6. All the random, unexpected, often awkward or disturbing, conversations and moments with my friends

Also, i have been thinking about the little things here that i am NOT going to miss!!!!!:

1. Not being able to walk anywhere without someone whistling, staring, or making a vulgar remark about my hair, skin, or body.
2. MEXICAN TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. Not having a dryer
4. Not being able to put the toilet paper in the toilet!!!

and many other little things

Truth is, right now, i don’t know what to do. I don’t whether to be happy or sad, to cry because i’m heartbroken or to cry for joy, to hold on to the people here until i can’t any longer, or to think about all the people i will get to hold on to for the first time in so long.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But i do know how to go about doing whatever it is that i decide to do this last week, have God with me in everything i do!!!!!! He is the only one who can get me through this time of grief that masks joy. All my trust is in him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!