-I know it's really cliche, but it's what i'm learning and how i'm feeling-
First i want to apologize that it has been almost 3 weeks since i last blogged, but the end of the trimester has left me very busy with papers, grades, etc.
Because i am 100% honest in this blog i need to warn all of you that this one is going to have a little bit of venting about all the things i miss about Christmas in the states. So here we go:
2 days ago when i started to get the idea for this blog, i wanted to call it "It's Beginning to Not Look AT ALL Like Christmas" for reasons that are about to be explained. Here in Morelia, it is still between 60 and 80 during the day. i am still walking around in t-shirts and capris without being cold in the slightest. At night it is a different story, but during the day i am still hot and almost miserable. Many stores play American Christmas music and people look at me funny when i am singing along while i shop. Other than the music however, it wasn't feeling at ALL like Christmas to me!!! Christmas means looking for rain that will soon turn into snow. Christmas means breaking out my boots and cute winter clothes so i can constantly be warm and cozy. Christmas means waking up every morning and smelling the Christmas tree. Christmas means making another wreath to hang somewhere in the house. Christmas means breaking out the huge pile of old Christmas movies and watching them one by one with my family. Christmas means baking delicious things with your family and shopping for presents. Christmas means EGGNOG!!!!! Christmas means me chopping wood for our fireplace and helping my mom get ready for our huge annual Christmas Party, which is one of the highlights of my year!!!
I know this is kind of immature but this IS how i was feeling until Friday. When people would ask me, "are you excited for your first Mexican Christmas???" I would smile and say yes, but inside i was screaming, "THIS ISN'T CHRISTMAS!!!"
I needed a good slap in the face, and man did i get one this last Friday during the Christmas service at NOE.
I had no idea what this thing was. It's called a Pre-Posada, so i asked what that meant. Posada's are a Catholic tradition in Mexico where people act out the Christmas story, walking from house to house looking for "room" for a party. One family is designated to say yes each time the people go walking and they stop at that house and have a party. The pre-Posada is another party where they sing, drink this delicious drink called Ponche, and break piñatas. So that is what we did in the Ark at NOE. I wasn't too excited about it. My Dream Team kids and i had to sing a song, so we had been preparing for that all week. Anyone who knows me well knows that i HATE singing in public which is one of the many reasons i quit choir years ago, so i was not looking forward to this. Some friends and i were going out dancing after the Pre-Posada as well, so truthfully all that was going through my head was, "can we please get this over with so i can go dancing???" After the evening i felt very ashamed about this.
My kids and i were up right after the ice-breaker, which only took a few minutes. We walked up on stage, opened our pink folders that had the lyrics inside and waited for the tacky intro to Jingle Bell Rock to begin playing. We started singing, and i began looking around. I saw all the people watching, finding faces in the crowd of people i know and love so much, and then started looking at my kids standing around me on stage. They were trying their hardest to pronounce the words right like we had practiced, and smiling at each other and everyone looking at them. In that moment, my heart was filled with such happiness and such love for these people, that i didn't want to start crying, so i burst out laughing. THANK GOD it was in a part of the song that i could still sing while laughing, and i don't think anybody but my kids noticed. After we were done we got a big round of applause and went back to our spots in the back.
One of my kids turned to me, and said, "that was a disaster." and all i could do was smile and agree. BUT IT WAS OKAY!!! In my head all i was thinking was that up until that moment, this Christmas had been a disaster for me. All i wanted to do was be at home, curled up in warm clothes, under a blanket, with a cup of eggnog by the fire. But it hit me like a ton of bricks, that i still love these people and this place, more than anything, even though i thought it would be a disaster!!! After that my head was flooded with movie quotes, lines from books, passages of scripture, and parts of sermons i have heard about Christmas, all saying that Christmas MEANS Jesus being born, coming to Earth for us. Saying that the other stuff is fun, but none of it is as important as being with the people you love, celebrating the TRUE reason for the season! And if that rush of guilt wasn't enough, Hugo then gave a 20 minute lesson on that EXACT subject!!!! Even though it was in Spanish, i was able to understand every word (such a God thing) and each word, like a dagger pierced my heart, until, by the end, i had nothing left in me except love for these people and the Christmas i was soon to share with them. Each word of his message stabbed out everything i was missing, everything i was wanting, and everything i had thought so many times about crying over, and replaced it with a stronger love than i have EVER felt for these people, this culture, and this Christmas i will partake in in a few days.
Jesus came, on Christmas day, grew up, suffered with us, to give us the ultimate gift, the best kind of service he had, his life!!!!! I am not comparing myself to Jesus at all. I am here, for these people though, and i wish to serve them in every way i can!!! At the Pre-Posada that was burning my hand almost 20 times serving steaming hot Ponche to everyone present. it was service with a smile for me, a smile for every single one of these people, whether i know them or not, because i am here to serve them NOT to be served!!!!
This Christmas is DEFINITELY going to be different!!! I have yet to see a real Christmas tree, i won't see any of my portland friends or family, i won't do any of the things i normally do, and i won't be in MY house, but it's okay!!!! I am here, in Morelia, Michoacan Mexico getting ready to spend Christmas with people i love just as much as my family at home!!! Getting ready to try new things, have new experiences, and share in the love of family that this culture revolves around!!!
So what if i'm the crazy white girl singing Christmas songs in every store i go in to??? So what if i'm still sweating instead of shivering??? So what if the fireplace where i live isn't even real??? So what if there isn't a tree in my house???
This is still going to be Christmas
Shared with people i love
Remembering what TRULY matters
That the God who brought me here
On this day so many years ago
Brought his son to this Earth
To Save me and everyone else here!!!
THAT IS THE REASON TO CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
My Cup Overflows
The title for this blog is a phrase from one of my favorite Psalms, Psalm 23, that until i came here to Morelia, I did not understand.
This Psalm has been with me almost my entire life. Some of my earliest childhood memories are sitting in the bathtub with my sisters or on the swings learning this psalm verse by verse. When i was little the best part about learning the verse was getting a small handful of chocolate chips every time i could repeat a verse back to one of my parents. Now that i'm an adult -wow that feels weird to say but it's true- i treasure having that Psalm with me all the time whenever i need it.
Most of the psalm is pretty basic and easy to understand. "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." I, often throughout life, would find joy in nature because of these verses, and found that being alone in God's creation did, indeed, restore my soul.
"He guides me in paths of righteousness for his namesake. Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me." I experiences this part for the first time when i went to Nepal in the summer of 2009. Every day there literally felt like the valley of the shadow of death, but God got me through it and showed me a LOT about myself and also what else i could get out of a relationship with him. Looking back, that trip changed my walk with Christ forever.
"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies." This verse was shown to me this last year during water polo season. God helped me get through a terrible mess with one of the girls on my team, who i considered my enemy, but he helped me grow in him through the experience.
"You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows." I always understood the analogy for anointing a head with oil, but i never understood the "my cup overflows" part. As a kid i experienced, many-a-time, the sudden impulse to slurp up foam when you fill your glass of soda too much, but that was it.
Here
Now
In Morelia
I Understand
How My Cup
Can Overflow.
My cup is my life, and it can overflow with all the blessings and happiness God gives me. Here in Morelia i am happier than i have ever been. This is because i can see my purpose here and i can see how to help people. I also am surrounded by hundreds of miracles here, and those miracles are every single kid at NOE!!! I am more blessed than i could ever have imagined. My heart is full to bursting with happiness and thankfulness for all that God has given me here.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and i must admit it is starting to feel a little weird being away from home at this time of year. On Facebook my wall is plastered with notifications of all my college friends going home to see their families for the holidays. I could continue that sentence by saying "while i am stuck here" but i won't say that because i'm not stuck! I love it here, and even though yes, sometimes it is a little hard to be away from home, it is worth it to be experiencing everything i am here.
I was thinking back this morning to last Thanksgiving. Spending it with family and friends was enjoyable, but on the inside my heart was broken into a million tiny pieces. I was trying to figure out what i wanted to do with the rest of my life, had just finished a really hard water polo season, was anxiously awaiting the results of my Intern request for NOE, and i just wasn't happy. My heart was full of worries and doubts and honestly, i wasn't thankful for much of anything in my life then.
This Thanksgiving, however, is a completely different story! My life is filled with more blessings and happiness than i ever could have hoped for, even in my wildest imagination! Sure my Thanksgiving isn't going to be perfect this year. The rolls will be store bought instead of my mom's, the green bean casserole will have potato chips instead of fried onions and the pies won't be hot out of the oven, but i am SOOOOO BLESSED HERE that all that little stuff fades away.
Even though i'm not HOME for Thanksgiving with my family and friends, i am home here in Morelia, ready to share a new kind of Thanksgiving with my new family and friends.
Thank you Lord for blessings and for giving me as many as i have here.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!! May your cups overflow as well this holiday season!!!
This Psalm has been with me almost my entire life. Some of my earliest childhood memories are sitting in the bathtub with my sisters or on the swings learning this psalm verse by verse. When i was little the best part about learning the verse was getting a small handful of chocolate chips every time i could repeat a verse back to one of my parents. Now that i'm an adult -wow that feels weird to say but it's true- i treasure having that Psalm with me all the time whenever i need it.
Most of the psalm is pretty basic and easy to understand. "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." I, often throughout life, would find joy in nature because of these verses, and found that being alone in God's creation did, indeed, restore my soul.
"He guides me in paths of righteousness for his namesake. Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me." I experiences this part for the first time when i went to Nepal in the summer of 2009. Every day there literally felt like the valley of the shadow of death, but God got me through it and showed me a LOT about myself and also what else i could get out of a relationship with him. Looking back, that trip changed my walk with Christ forever.
"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies." This verse was shown to me this last year during water polo season. God helped me get through a terrible mess with one of the girls on my team, who i considered my enemy, but he helped me grow in him through the experience.
"You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows." I always understood the analogy for anointing a head with oil, but i never understood the "my cup overflows" part. As a kid i experienced, many-a-time, the sudden impulse to slurp up foam when you fill your glass of soda too much, but that was it.
Here
Now
In Morelia
I Understand
How My Cup
Can Overflow.
My cup is my life, and it can overflow with all the blessings and happiness God gives me. Here in Morelia i am happier than i have ever been. This is because i can see my purpose here and i can see how to help people. I also am surrounded by hundreds of miracles here, and those miracles are every single kid at NOE!!! I am more blessed than i could ever have imagined. My heart is full to bursting with happiness and thankfulness for all that God has given me here.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and i must admit it is starting to feel a little weird being away from home at this time of year. On Facebook my wall is plastered with notifications of all my college friends going home to see their families for the holidays. I could continue that sentence by saying "while i am stuck here" but i won't say that because i'm not stuck! I love it here, and even though yes, sometimes it is a little hard to be away from home, it is worth it to be experiencing everything i am here.
I was thinking back this morning to last Thanksgiving. Spending it with family and friends was enjoyable, but on the inside my heart was broken into a million tiny pieces. I was trying to figure out what i wanted to do with the rest of my life, had just finished a really hard water polo season, was anxiously awaiting the results of my Intern request for NOE, and i just wasn't happy. My heart was full of worries and doubts and honestly, i wasn't thankful for much of anything in my life then.
This Thanksgiving, however, is a completely different story! My life is filled with more blessings and happiness than i ever could have hoped for, even in my wildest imagination! Sure my Thanksgiving isn't going to be perfect this year. The rolls will be store bought instead of my mom's, the green bean casserole will have potato chips instead of fried onions and the pies won't be hot out of the oven, but i am SOOOOO BLESSED HERE that all that little stuff fades away.
Even though i'm not HOME for Thanksgiving with my family and friends, i am home here in Morelia, ready to share a new kind of Thanksgiving with my new family and friends.
Thank you Lord for blessings and for giving me as many as i have here.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!! May your cups overflow as well this holiday season!!!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Here I Am Once Again
Here i am once again
i pour out my heart for i know that you hear
every cry, you are listening
no matter what state my heart is in
you are faithful to answer
with words that are true and a hope that is real
as i feel your touch
you bring a freedom to all that's within
in the safety of this place
I'M LONGING TO POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I NEED YOU
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I'M THANKFUL
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT YOU'RE WONDERFUL!!!
This has always been one of my all-time favorite worship songs, but until yesterday, i didn't really understand what it meant.
All my life i have desired to be able to do what this song says. To pour out my heart to Jesus, telling him i love him, that i need him, that i'm thankful, and that he is wonderful. Yesterday and today, i learned how to do that, and even though it is in the midst of terrible circumstances, i can be happy because i have fulfilled what this song says.
Yesterday the students and staff at NOE were informed that the mother of Claudia, one of the girls who just came to Portland this last summer as a part of Dream Team 15, was in the hospital. The doctors didn't know what was wrong, and she was doing really bad. That night at Bible study we had a time of worship and prayer. prayer for Claudia and her family and for Luis (Brian) Overcast as he flies back to Morelia. Tears streamed down my face as i saw all these incredible kids pouring their hearts out to Christ. In that moment i felt a conviction that i had never before experienced, and the prayers i uttered were unlike any that have ever come out of my mouth before!!!
Claudia is a very new believer. She began reading her Bible three months ago while she was in Portland, and since then has been attending church and the Bible study at NOE. Her faith is new but strong, so i pray that something as big as this will not shake it, but only make it stronger, no matter what the outcome is.
This morning during my class Juan came in and asked us to all stop and pray for Claudia and her mom because she was not doing well. Juan then informed me that he would be going to the hospital later that afternoon, and when i asked if i could accompany him, he said he would call me when he had an answer.
When i got the call around 2:30, instead of hearing confirmation that we were going to the hospital, i got the news that her mom was worse and that we had to wait. it was so hard, i was with my brothers and the entire mood changed for the rest of the afternoon. The call came at 3:45 that Clau wanted a group of us to come to the hospital to be with her. We said we would meet at NOE at 4:30 and then go at 5:00. When we got to NOE you could see the different dynamic with those of us who knew what was going on. We all went into a room and spent time crying and praying together, pouring our hearts out to God begging him to help Claudia and begging him for the healing and salvation of her mother. The power in that room, was like nothing i have ever felt in my entire life.
Now i TRULY know what it feels like to come pleading, to God, pouring out your heart to him. Watching the other kids crying and praying was so powerful.
We got to the hospital and Clau greeted us. We spent about 20 minutes just hugging her as we all cried and showing her that we cared. After that we got in a circle around her and embracing her, once again, lifted her and her mom up to our Lord in prayer. Right now the doctors have determined that her mom has a type of blood clot in her brain and she could die if it moves, so it is still a very scary time.
I finally however, understand that part of the song. Here i am, once again...it's saying that prayer and TRULY pouring out your heart to God cannot be a one time thing. It has to be constant, and even constant to the point where you want to say, "well, here i am AGAIN" but THAT is what matters to God!!! That we trust him and that we NEVER STOP believing that he can do something to change our circumstances!!!!!
Even though I have learned this lesson through difficult circumstances, i am still so thankful that i have, in fact, learned it.
Please continue to pray for Claudia, her mom, and her family, as well as these other things:
*This week is the busiest week of the year at NOE, so please pray that the stress will not cause all of us teachers to be harsh with each other, but that we will have patience and that everything will go smoothly.
*Luis (Brian) returns from Portland tomorrow. Please pray he has a safe journey.
*Ryan and Brent Hernandez arrive on Thursday to help us out. Please pray that they get here safely and that their time here will really encourage everyone.
*Friday is Amigo Night, a fundraiser for all the alumni of NOE, please pray that it will raise a lot of money and go really smoothly.
*Saturday is the Kermesse, a huge fundraiser for NOE, please pray that everything works out and that it raises a LOT of money for this incredible ministry!!!
*Then Sunday a group of us head out to a hot springs for a few days as a cool-down, sorry for the irony, after this hectic week. Please pray that we travel safely and that we have a great time.
Thank you so much for your prayers everyone!!!
i pour out my heart for i know that you hear
every cry, you are listening
no matter what state my heart is in
you are faithful to answer
with words that are true and a hope that is real
as i feel your touch
you bring a freedom to all that's within
in the safety of this place
I'M LONGING TO POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I NEED YOU
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I'M THANKFUL
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT YOU'RE WONDERFUL!!!
This has always been one of my all-time favorite worship songs, but until yesterday, i didn't really understand what it meant.
All my life i have desired to be able to do what this song says. To pour out my heart to Jesus, telling him i love him, that i need him, that i'm thankful, and that he is wonderful. Yesterday and today, i learned how to do that, and even though it is in the midst of terrible circumstances, i can be happy because i have fulfilled what this song says.
Yesterday the students and staff at NOE were informed that the mother of Claudia, one of the girls who just came to Portland this last summer as a part of Dream Team 15, was in the hospital. The doctors didn't know what was wrong, and she was doing really bad. That night at Bible study we had a time of worship and prayer. prayer for Claudia and her family and for Luis (Brian) Overcast as he flies back to Morelia. Tears streamed down my face as i saw all these incredible kids pouring their hearts out to Christ. In that moment i felt a conviction that i had never before experienced, and the prayers i uttered were unlike any that have ever come out of my mouth before!!!
Claudia is a very new believer. She began reading her Bible three months ago while she was in Portland, and since then has been attending church and the Bible study at NOE. Her faith is new but strong, so i pray that something as big as this will not shake it, but only make it stronger, no matter what the outcome is.
This morning during my class Juan came in and asked us to all stop and pray for Claudia and her mom because she was not doing well. Juan then informed me that he would be going to the hospital later that afternoon, and when i asked if i could accompany him, he said he would call me when he had an answer.
When i got the call around 2:30, instead of hearing confirmation that we were going to the hospital, i got the news that her mom was worse and that we had to wait. it was so hard, i was with my brothers and the entire mood changed for the rest of the afternoon. The call came at 3:45 that Clau wanted a group of us to come to the hospital to be with her. We said we would meet at NOE at 4:30 and then go at 5:00. When we got to NOE you could see the different dynamic with those of us who knew what was going on. We all went into a room and spent time crying and praying together, pouring our hearts out to God begging him to help Claudia and begging him for the healing and salvation of her mother. The power in that room, was like nothing i have ever felt in my entire life.
Now i TRULY know what it feels like to come pleading, to God, pouring out your heart to him. Watching the other kids crying and praying was so powerful.
We got to the hospital and Clau greeted us. We spent about 20 minutes just hugging her as we all cried and showing her that we cared. After that we got in a circle around her and embracing her, once again, lifted her and her mom up to our Lord in prayer. Right now the doctors have determined that her mom has a type of blood clot in her brain and she could die if it moves, so it is still a very scary time.
I finally however, understand that part of the song. Here i am, once again...it's saying that prayer and TRULY pouring out your heart to God cannot be a one time thing. It has to be constant, and even constant to the point where you want to say, "well, here i am AGAIN" but THAT is what matters to God!!! That we trust him and that we NEVER STOP believing that he can do something to change our circumstances!!!!!
Even though I have learned this lesson through difficult circumstances, i am still so thankful that i have, in fact, learned it.
Please continue to pray for Claudia, her mom, and her family, as well as these other things:
*This week is the busiest week of the year at NOE, so please pray that the stress will not cause all of us teachers to be harsh with each other, but that we will have patience and that everything will go smoothly.
*Luis (Brian) returns from Portland tomorrow. Please pray he has a safe journey.
*Ryan and Brent Hernandez arrive on Thursday to help us out. Please pray that they get here safely and that their time here will really encourage everyone.
*Friday is Amigo Night, a fundraiser for all the alumni of NOE, please pray that it will raise a lot of money and go really smoothly.
*Saturday is the Kermesse, a huge fundraiser for NOE, please pray that everything works out and that it raises a LOT of money for this incredible ministry!!!
*Then Sunday a group of us head out to a hot springs for a few days as a cool-down, sorry for the irony, after this hectic week. Please pray that we travel safely and that we have a great time.
Thank you so much for your prayers everyone!!!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Drink Deep, Live Wet
Today i was once again reminded of something i have been told my entire life...and that is that i sweat A LOT!!!!!
I played basketball at an altitude 5000 feet above what i am used to, for almost 3 hours straight, in a concrete room. The boys were sweating, the girls, not so much, which is why i was picked on. It was brought to my attention several times that i sweat like a boy (thank you i know). This is a problem i have dealt with my whole life. Thanks to my wonderful genes from my dear mother (most of which i love) whenever the temperature is above freezing, or i am doing any form of physical activity, i start to sweat. Because of this i hate the sun and wish i had a towel with me every time i have to walk somewhere. Most of my friends know this about me, are used to it, and i love them for it!!! But since they all knew about this, they thought i was CRAZY to go to Mexico, and i did too!!! We walk everywhere here, and it is still 80 degrees during the day!!!!! I AM LITERALLY MELTING!!!!!
Because of this i know that i need to drink even more water while i am here. I have a liter water bottle and i drink at least 3 of them a day. (Yeah, that's a lot of liquid).
(for those of you reading this will get less gross right now.)
Since my Bible study on letting the Holy Spirit be the water for our souls, i have been enjoying a book my Max Lucado, (an author who came to Morelia and wrote a paragraph about the NOE Center in one of his most recent books) called Come Thirsty. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT!!!!!!! This book has taught me so much! I love water more than any other element on this earth, but this book is helping take my love for water even deeper (no pun intended) with a better understanding of spiritual water.
The book talks about making God an ever-present source of life in your soul, like water is an ever-present source of life in your body. As i drink more and more physical water here, i also strive to take in God's presence at the same time. During my Bible Study i challenged the kids to say a short prayer every time they drank water for one week. This was a way to get them to have God in their lives more every day. I got absolutely no feedback on how that went....but i am still going strong, saying a short prayer every time i take a chug from my water bottle.
And you know what else??? I'm happier than i have ever been in my life, i have so much energy it scares me, and i feel more alive. I know it's partially my environment, and partially the amount of water i intake every day, but it is mostly due to the presence of God always in my life that i am now more aware of.
The book also talks about how prayer keeps us close to the trinity. How prayer is our way of constantly inviting the Holy Spirit into our lives. It talks about making prayer an ever-present part of your life instead of something you only do at meals or when you need something. When i read this sentence, i realized that i have been doing that the last month or so and it is making a WORLD of difference in my walk with Christ. I am talking to him all the time, so it is easier for me to hear him talk back and see the results. My fifteen minute walk to and from NOE 4 times a day is filled with prayer, my classes, my time with my friends, everything i do is an opportunity for prayer for me now. I bring Christ into anything and EVERYTHING i do!!!
And i am seeing the results!!! On Tuesday i was at one of the malls here with a friend. It was 4:30 and we decided to leave because i had to be in class, teaching, at 5. The drive from the mall to NOE takes 15 minutes, so we figured we had plenty of time. We went outside to find that there were no taxis, in other words, no way for us to get to NOE. We walked around the parking lot looking and looking. 10 minutes passed and i began to panic!!! I said, "alright time to pray. Lord, we need a taxi, please." Less than 20 seconds later a taxi came over the hill, dropped off it's passengers, and picked us up. When we got in my friend said, "God likes you more, he listened to you." I laughed and said, "no" but realized it's easier for Him to answer, the more i talk to and rely on Him.
So to sum it all up, here in Mexico i am learning how to drink deeply of the Holy Spirit. To fill my life every day with the presence of God and i am reaping the benefits of it.
Because of this, my increased intake of water, and the fact that it is still SO HOT HERE, i am also living wet. Not only spiritually, but physically as well. But because of how incredible i feel with this spiritual revival within me with the springs of living water flowing within me, i embrace the streams of salty water flowing out of me.
Signing out for now and going to put on some more deoderant ;)
I played basketball at an altitude 5000 feet above what i am used to, for almost 3 hours straight, in a concrete room. The boys were sweating, the girls, not so much, which is why i was picked on. It was brought to my attention several times that i sweat like a boy (thank you i know). This is a problem i have dealt with my whole life. Thanks to my wonderful genes from my dear mother (most of which i love) whenever the temperature is above freezing, or i am doing any form of physical activity, i start to sweat. Because of this i hate the sun and wish i had a towel with me every time i have to walk somewhere. Most of my friends know this about me, are used to it, and i love them for it!!! But since they all knew about this, they thought i was CRAZY to go to Mexico, and i did too!!! We walk everywhere here, and it is still 80 degrees during the day!!!!! I AM LITERALLY MELTING!!!!!
Because of this i know that i need to drink even more water while i am here. I have a liter water bottle and i drink at least 3 of them a day. (Yeah, that's a lot of liquid).
(for those of you reading this will get less gross right now.)
Since my Bible study on letting the Holy Spirit be the water for our souls, i have been enjoying a book my Max Lucado, (an author who came to Morelia and wrote a paragraph about the NOE Center in one of his most recent books) called Come Thirsty. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT!!!!!!! This book has taught me so much! I love water more than any other element on this earth, but this book is helping take my love for water even deeper (no pun intended) with a better understanding of spiritual water.
The book talks about making God an ever-present source of life in your soul, like water is an ever-present source of life in your body. As i drink more and more physical water here, i also strive to take in God's presence at the same time. During my Bible Study i challenged the kids to say a short prayer every time they drank water for one week. This was a way to get them to have God in their lives more every day. I got absolutely no feedback on how that went....but i am still going strong, saying a short prayer every time i take a chug from my water bottle.
And you know what else??? I'm happier than i have ever been in my life, i have so much energy it scares me, and i feel more alive. I know it's partially my environment, and partially the amount of water i intake every day, but it is mostly due to the presence of God always in my life that i am now more aware of.
The book also talks about how prayer keeps us close to the trinity. How prayer is our way of constantly inviting the Holy Spirit into our lives. It talks about making prayer an ever-present part of your life instead of something you only do at meals or when you need something. When i read this sentence, i realized that i have been doing that the last month or so and it is making a WORLD of difference in my walk with Christ. I am talking to him all the time, so it is easier for me to hear him talk back and see the results. My fifteen minute walk to and from NOE 4 times a day is filled with prayer, my classes, my time with my friends, everything i do is an opportunity for prayer for me now. I bring Christ into anything and EVERYTHING i do!!!
And i am seeing the results!!! On Tuesday i was at one of the malls here with a friend. It was 4:30 and we decided to leave because i had to be in class, teaching, at 5. The drive from the mall to NOE takes 15 minutes, so we figured we had plenty of time. We went outside to find that there were no taxis, in other words, no way for us to get to NOE. We walked around the parking lot looking and looking. 10 minutes passed and i began to panic!!! I said, "alright time to pray. Lord, we need a taxi, please." Less than 20 seconds later a taxi came over the hill, dropped off it's passengers, and picked us up. When we got in my friend said, "God likes you more, he listened to you." I laughed and said, "no" but realized it's easier for Him to answer, the more i talk to and rely on Him.
So to sum it all up, here in Mexico i am learning how to drink deeply of the Holy Spirit. To fill my life every day with the presence of God and i am reaping the benefits of it.
Because of this, my increased intake of water, and the fact that it is still SO HOT HERE, i am also living wet. Not only spiritually, but physically as well. But because of how incredible i feel with this spiritual revival within me with the springs of living water flowing within me, i embrace the streams of salty water flowing out of me.
Signing out for now and going to put on some more deoderant ;)
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Change of State, Change of Mind
Today marks the one week milestone of the hardest 24 hours of my life.
I am not going to go into depth about the situation, but most of you will know what i am referring to. Last Monday i informed the family i had been living with for 2 months that i was leaving and moving into another house. This drastic change was a result of a bad beginning with that family due to me being sick, as well as many cultural misunderstandings and differences in personalities. Due to these reasons i did not feel at home where i was living and it made it very hard to get along with the family.
Juan started helping me look for a new house and last Sunday we asked a woman at his church who has hosted interns for NOE before, if she would consider taking me in? Her name is Rosa, she is about the same age as my mom, single and lives with her mother. She does not speak a word of English, and is rumored to be one of the best cooks in Morelia. She said yes that she would let me stay with her and therefore, i am living with her right now.
It was hard to tell a family i have gotten close to and care for, that i am leaving, but it had to be done. The Lord helped me to get through it, as well as my brother Erick who helped me pack and kept me from crying every 5 minutes. All the kids and staff at NOE were soooooo sweet and supportive through this entire experience. I don't know if i could have done it without them. Everyone is apologizing that this happened to me, but i am trying to look at it as a positive thing. Even though it was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do in my life, God taught me SO much through it!!!
*He taught me a LOT about myself. About how i needed a good dose of humility, and got it through this experience.
*He taught me about how to cooperate, that i need to go half way, but then need to wait for the other person or people to meet me there.
*He taught me a lot about patience, and how to still be happy in difficult situations.
*He showed me how truly difficult it is to LIVE and function in another culture.
*Finally, he showed me, more than ever before, his example of NEVER ENDING love and mercy for me, and that got me through this whole experience.
People have been asking me if i'm having fun here. For the last 2 months, i have been saying yes, but meaning yes only when i was not in my house. But now, when people ask me if i am happy i can TRULY say, "YES, I AM THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!"
I've been reflecting on the whole concept a lot this week. I only moved 25 minutes away from where i was living before. But now i am closer to NOE, closer to some of the kids, it is less dangerous for me to walk to NOE, and i am with a family that i feel like a part of!!! God showed me that a little change of state, and a hard lesson, could help change my perspective and state of mind about being here ENTIRELY!!!
2 days ago Rosa came into the kitchen with me and her niece Mari who takes care of her mother when she is at work. Mari is about 40 and has two children, one has graduated from NOE and the other is in my class. (The look on his face when he saw his teacher living in his aunt's house was PRICELESS!!!!!) Rosa had just come home from work, and came into the kitchen to talk to Mari and i. She put her arm around my waist, and rested her head on my shoulder (she's pretty short) and said, "ah, mi hija Sophie."
Mi hija. My daughter.
Honestly, i almost cried. I realized that at my other house, i had only called the mom by her first name. I hadn't felt entirely comfortable there, and as a result, felt weird calling the woman in that house the same thing that i call the wonderful woman who gave me life!!! But Rosa, after knowing me for 5 days, was calling me her daughter!!!! Welcoming me into her family and saying, "you are mine!"
I have decided i am going to start calling her mom. Rosa will never be my real mom, that spot is taken by the incredible woman that spent almost 40 hours bringing me into this world, but Rosa did help bring me into a new life here in Mexico. A life where i am truly happy, all the time, a kind of life that i have never experienced before. It is an incredible thing, and thus, i am going to honor her by calling her mom.
I can't help thinking that it's like how Christ is with each one of us. Rosa took me in, even though i had problems, cultural problems, that she knew could happen again with her, but she still accepted me, she gave me the chance to change. God does the same thing with us. He takes us in, in all our grime and with all our problems, and gives us a second chance at new life :)
WHAT AN AMAZING THING IT IS!!!!!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
61 days and WAY more blessings!!!!!!!!!
I have officially been here 2 months, and it has been the most amazing 2 months of my life!!! I have met so many INCREDIBLE people and they are SUCH a blessing in my life that i am dedicating an ENTIRE blog entry to them!!!! I'm doing 30 dedications for all the people who have made this chapter of my life SO WONDERFUL!!! Each person is going to get their name and at least one of the many reasons they are a blessing to me.
1. Brian Overcast- for giving me the opportunity for this incredible adventure!
2. Mireya Overcast- for always knowing the exact moment i need American food.
3. Keila Overcast- for being my fellow guerita down here and for being an incredible friend and accomplice in our many mischievous acts.
4. Erick- for being the world's most INCREDIBLE brother!!! You are always there when i need you, and you know what i need even when i don't. You take care of me, you know how to make me laugh, and i don't know what i would do without you!!!
5. Daniel- for being the best charmer i have ever met. You always make me feel like a princess. Thank you for being such a gentleman!
6. Maniwis- for being my wrestling partner and always having a smile on your face :).
7. Bety Garcia (my Mexican mom)- for being a mother figure in my life here and for always being willing to do anything and everything for me.
8. Papa Garcia- thank you for all the driving trips to my house late at night. i always feel safe when you are driving...your sons???? MOST of the time :)
9. Luis- for being my best friend down here, always being there when i need you, always keeping me sane when the kids are going crazy, and always being my fellow person to stand out with. We both walk above the crowd :)
10.Gerardo-for always being there with a hug and a smile.
11.Marco-for all our in-depth conversations. For everything we share, everything we pray for, and everything we do.
12.Luis Pi-for all our jokes and crazy hugs :)
13. Christian-for being one of the most incredible people i have ever met, you are such a great friend and you always know just what i need.
14.Leti- for being the most incredible daughter a girl could ask for.
15. Dani (Calderon Garcia)- for being the best husband EVER!!!
16. Juan Bananas-for all the bad humor, all the inside jokes, and everything in between.
17.Clau-for always being there with me to help me handle the madness of the guys.
18. Juan Peralta- for being not only my mentor, but an incredible friend here, you help me so much, i don't know what i would do here without you. i would definitely go insane!!!
19.Nadia-for being my fellow strong woman and just an incredible friend, i know you will always help me in whatever way possible.
20. Montse-for putting up with me living in your house and trying to help me whenever you can.
21.Alethia- for reminding me every day how much fun it is to be young, crazy, and alive.
22. Memo- for our in depth, sometimes intense, conversations that always leave me thinking.
23.Lydia- for being so sweet and helping me with everything i need at NOE.
24.Ale-for greeting me every morning with a smile.
25. Hugo- for you helping me enjoy Exploradores and for always making me feel welcome.
26. Irma- for always being there for me to talk to if i need it.
27. Marianne- for your kind words all the time and those wonderful smiles.
28. Yael- for always being there when i need to be put in my place.
29. Montse Maldonado-for being so sweet all the time, you are great!
30. ALL MY STUDENTS- YOU HELP ME BECOME A BETTER TEACHER EVERY DAY, BUT YOU ALSO TEACH ME EVRY DAY HOW TO BE A BETTER PERSON!!!
*And a special number 31 for Andrew Donahue, my fellow Gringo down here in the land of sun. Thank you for always listening and praying :)
1. Brian Overcast- for giving me the opportunity for this incredible adventure!
2. Mireya Overcast- for always knowing the exact moment i need American food.
3. Keila Overcast- for being my fellow guerita down here and for being an incredible friend and accomplice in our many mischievous acts.
4. Erick- for being the world's most INCREDIBLE brother!!! You are always there when i need you, and you know what i need even when i don't. You take care of me, you know how to make me laugh, and i don't know what i would do without you!!!
5. Daniel- for being the best charmer i have ever met. You always make me feel like a princess. Thank you for being such a gentleman!
6. Maniwis- for being my wrestling partner and always having a smile on your face :).
7. Bety Garcia (my Mexican mom)- for being a mother figure in my life here and for always being willing to do anything and everything for me.
8. Papa Garcia- thank you for all the driving trips to my house late at night. i always feel safe when you are driving...your sons???? MOST of the time :)
9. Luis- for being my best friend down here, always being there when i need you, always keeping me sane when the kids are going crazy, and always being my fellow person to stand out with. We both walk above the crowd :)
10.Gerardo-for always being there with a hug and a smile.
11.Marco-for all our in-depth conversations. For everything we share, everything we pray for, and everything we do.
12.Luis Pi-for all our jokes and crazy hugs :)
13. Christian-for being one of the most incredible people i have ever met, you are such a great friend and you always know just what i need.
14.Leti- for being the most incredible daughter a girl could ask for.
15. Dani (Calderon Garcia)- for being the best husband EVER!!!
16. Juan Bananas-for all the bad humor, all the inside jokes, and everything in between.
17.Clau-for always being there with me to help me handle the madness of the guys.
18. Juan Peralta- for being not only my mentor, but an incredible friend here, you help me so much, i don't know what i would do here without you. i would definitely go insane!!!
19.Nadia-for being my fellow strong woman and just an incredible friend, i know you will always help me in whatever way possible.
20. Montse-for putting up with me living in your house and trying to help me whenever you can.
21.Alethia- for reminding me every day how much fun it is to be young, crazy, and alive.
22. Memo- for our in depth, sometimes intense, conversations that always leave me thinking.
23.Lydia- for being so sweet and helping me with everything i need at NOE.
24.Ale-for greeting me every morning with a smile.
25. Hugo- for you helping me enjoy Exploradores and for always making me feel welcome.
26. Irma- for always being there for me to talk to if i need it.
27. Marianne- for your kind words all the time and those wonderful smiles.
28. Yael- for always being there when i need to be put in my place.
29. Montse Maldonado-for being so sweet all the time, you are great!
30. ALL MY STUDENTS- YOU HELP ME BECOME A BETTER TEACHER EVERY DAY, BUT YOU ALSO TEACH ME EVRY DAY HOW TO BE A BETTER PERSON!!!
*And a special number 31 for Andrew Donahue, my fellow Gringo down here in the land of sun. Thank you for always listening and praying :)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Quenching the Thirst
On Monday i taught my Bible study about our thirst for God. I had been preparing for it for a few weeks and knew it was going to be great!
But little did i know how much of an impact it was going to have, not only on the kids, but on me as well.
The Bible study was centered around the story of Jesus walking on water with Peter in matthew 14:22-33. I talked about the power of water, how it can be dangerous and safe, and then started talking about quenching the thirst in our souls. My slogan for the study was Sink or Swim. I said that many people try to quench their soul's thirst for God with sin (the first 3 letters of sink) but that we need to use the k in sink to keep our eyes on Jesus (my mommy helped me come up with that part). I read the story to the kids and talked about how Peter doubted Christ, he looked down and sank as a result. We talked about how the only way we aren't going to sink in life is if we keep our eyes on Jesus.
We also talked about how, in the story, Jesus reaches out to Peter and saves him. I am building trust with these kids, and i know it is going to help a lot when i teach them how to swim. Some of them, i think, are really scared of the water, so it will be a big step for them to trust me entirely while we are in the water together.
Finally i talked about how the Holy Spirit in our souls, is like water for our body. It hydrates us and refreshes us constantly, but we have to choose to swallow, we have to make the choice to let it enter us fully. I challenged the kids for the next two weeks (until we go swimming) to say a short prayer every time they drink water. That way they are hydrating not only their bodies, but their souls as well.
Afterwards i got a great response from the kids. Many of them told me that they learned a lot from the lesson. It was cool also to see my words echo back to me in facebook status's from some of the kids.
This water lesson also helped me a lot too. Here in Mexico my life is more dangerous than it was in the states. Instead of crossing quiet 130th twice a day to go to and from school, here i have to cross a 5 lane highway 5 or 6 times a day. In the states i can drive everywhere, so i never have to worry about the dangers of walking. Here i walk almost everywhere and have plenty of reasons to be afraid. Even when i have an escort i am still really cautious about the people around us. Here even some of the food i eat can be dangerous, unlike in the states where i have no fear whatsoever when it comes to food. Because my life here is more dangerous, it should be really hard on me, but it has actually been pretty easy. Why??? Because i have been SATURATING my days with prayer!!!!! God is showing me that the more of my day i fill with prayer, the less i have to worry about, and my days go SO much better!!!
I use the 15 minute walk to NOE to pray about my classes and the kids in them, randomly throughout the day when i think about someone at home i pray for them, i pray every time one of the guys walks home alone at night, i pray before and about every Bible study, and at night i pray for everyone here and at home. Prayer is helping me here in so many ways!!!!! I am filled with a peace all the time that i have never experienced before!!! Normally in situations like this i would be really nervous all the time, but i walk down the street with confidence because God is hydrating my soul with his peace!!! I even sleep better here, i no longer thrash in my sleep, every morning when i wake up my blankets look exactly the same as they did when i went to bed. It is such a blessing!!!
God is changing me in so many ways here!!! I am being hydrated by him more and more every day, and even though this process is happening in the midst of scorching sun, i am loving every minute of it!!!!!!
But little did i know how much of an impact it was going to have, not only on the kids, but on me as well.
The Bible study was centered around the story of Jesus walking on water with Peter in matthew 14:22-33. I talked about the power of water, how it can be dangerous and safe, and then started talking about quenching the thirst in our souls. My slogan for the study was Sink or Swim. I said that many people try to quench their soul's thirst for God with sin (the first 3 letters of sink) but that we need to use the k in sink to keep our eyes on Jesus (my mommy helped me come up with that part). I read the story to the kids and talked about how Peter doubted Christ, he looked down and sank as a result. We talked about how the only way we aren't going to sink in life is if we keep our eyes on Jesus.
We also talked about how, in the story, Jesus reaches out to Peter and saves him. I am building trust with these kids, and i know it is going to help a lot when i teach them how to swim. Some of them, i think, are really scared of the water, so it will be a big step for them to trust me entirely while we are in the water together.
Finally i talked about how the Holy Spirit in our souls, is like water for our body. It hydrates us and refreshes us constantly, but we have to choose to swallow, we have to make the choice to let it enter us fully. I challenged the kids for the next two weeks (until we go swimming) to say a short prayer every time they drink water. That way they are hydrating not only their bodies, but their souls as well.
Afterwards i got a great response from the kids. Many of them told me that they learned a lot from the lesson. It was cool also to see my words echo back to me in facebook status's from some of the kids.
This water lesson also helped me a lot too. Here in Mexico my life is more dangerous than it was in the states. Instead of crossing quiet 130th twice a day to go to and from school, here i have to cross a 5 lane highway 5 or 6 times a day. In the states i can drive everywhere, so i never have to worry about the dangers of walking. Here i walk almost everywhere and have plenty of reasons to be afraid. Even when i have an escort i am still really cautious about the people around us. Here even some of the food i eat can be dangerous, unlike in the states where i have no fear whatsoever when it comes to food. Because my life here is more dangerous, it should be really hard on me, but it has actually been pretty easy. Why??? Because i have been SATURATING my days with prayer!!!!! God is showing me that the more of my day i fill with prayer, the less i have to worry about, and my days go SO much better!!!
I use the 15 minute walk to NOE to pray about my classes and the kids in them, randomly throughout the day when i think about someone at home i pray for them, i pray every time one of the guys walks home alone at night, i pray before and about every Bible study, and at night i pray for everyone here and at home. Prayer is helping me here in so many ways!!!!! I am filled with a peace all the time that i have never experienced before!!! Normally in situations like this i would be really nervous all the time, but i walk down the street with confidence because God is hydrating my soul with his peace!!! I even sleep better here, i no longer thrash in my sleep, every morning when i wake up my blankets look exactly the same as they did when i went to bed. It is such a blessing!!!
God is changing me in so many ways here!!! I am being hydrated by him more and more every day, and even though this process is happening in the midst of scorching sun, i am loving every minute of it!!!!!!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Speak, Teach, & Learn
Today is the third day of classes at NOE for me. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays i have one class in the morning and three in the evening, all four of these classes are kids in their second year of English. Then on Tuesdays and Thursdays i have 2 classes in the evening, one is primary English and the other is teaching the kids that are coming to portland next year about American culture. On Wednesdays i also help out with Exploradores, or the Mexican version of Kids Klub.
When i started teaching, i wasn't nervous at all. I have taught swim classes for years so teaching isn't new to me. However, in the classroom i felt very different. For every class, except the exchange group where Spanish is not allowed, i have to speak in Spanish at least part of the time. it is stretching me like crazy. I am worried that the kids won't respect me because they see me struggling in front of them. I pray that they will still respect me and desire to learn from me even when i make mistakes. I told them they could laugh at me when i make a mistake in Spanish, so they all enjoy that.
I also told them that they get to be my teachers as well, so they like the idea of that. I do too, i love to learn and i love to teach, so i love it even more when i can do both of those things at the same time!
It has been really cool to use my 10 minute walk to NOE as time for prayer for my classes, and then to feel God's presence in my classroom. Yesterday, the first time i taught the primary kids, i was scared to death!!! These kids have about the equivalent of a year's worth of English, so how can they understand me if i am only speaking in English??? but God provided. He allowed me to teach in Spanish and English, in Spanish with many words i did not know that i knew, and he also provided a girl in my class who is willing to help translate what i say to the rest of the kids.
My experiences here are showing me how much i LOVE teaching!!!! This is something i want to do for the rest of my life!!! There is NO doubt at all in my mind about that!!!
*Thank you for all the prayers about my family situation. Shortly after writing that last blog i had a 3-hour conversation with my family. We took turns expressing frustrations, reviewing rules, and letting them get to know me because before that they literally knew almost nothing about me. That conversation has made life here, since then, much easier for me. I pray that it will continue to get easier and that i will continue to become a part of this family.
When i started teaching, i wasn't nervous at all. I have taught swim classes for years so teaching isn't new to me. However, in the classroom i felt very different. For every class, except the exchange group where Spanish is not allowed, i have to speak in Spanish at least part of the time. it is stretching me like crazy. I am worried that the kids won't respect me because they see me struggling in front of them. I pray that they will still respect me and desire to learn from me even when i make mistakes. I told them they could laugh at me when i make a mistake in Spanish, so they all enjoy that.
I also told them that they get to be my teachers as well, so they like the idea of that. I do too, i love to learn and i love to teach, so i love it even more when i can do both of those things at the same time!
It has been really cool to use my 10 minute walk to NOE as time for prayer for my classes, and then to feel God's presence in my classroom. Yesterday, the first time i taught the primary kids, i was scared to death!!! These kids have about the equivalent of a year's worth of English, so how can they understand me if i am only speaking in English??? but God provided. He allowed me to teach in Spanish and English, in Spanish with many words i did not know that i knew, and he also provided a girl in my class who is willing to help translate what i say to the rest of the kids.
My experiences here are showing me how much i LOVE teaching!!!! This is something i want to do for the rest of my life!!! There is NO doubt at all in my mind about that!!!
*Thank you for all the prayers about my family situation. Shortly after writing that last blog i had a 3-hour conversation with my family. We took turns expressing frustrations, reviewing rules, and letting them get to know me because before that they literally knew almost nothing about me. That conversation has made life here, since then, much easier for me. I pray that it will continue to get easier and that i will continue to become a part of this family.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Learning the Ropes the Hard Way
Learning new things is never easy and here in Morelia that is still true. I have officially been here almost 6 weeks and i am still learning new things every day about Mexican culture. Every day things shock or surprise me, i do something wrong, or try something different. And all of these have been quickly adding up to my realization about how far away from home i really am.
Last week i was given a verbal list from my family here about all the things i was doing wrong. All things that in the states are completely appropriate and part of my every day life, but here, they are causing tension in the home i am staying in. I had to quickly make a decision about how much i am going to adapt to this culture. With some words of wisdom from several people i came to this conclusion:
I am going to try to adapt to this CULTURE and the new things in it as much as possible. This will involve changing a lot of habits i have had for a long time. It is going to take a long time, because i have had most of these habits my entire life, but hopefully i will be able to adjust. HOWEVER, the ONLY reason i am changing who I AM is if God wants me to. HE will show me how he wants me to grow and develop as a person here, and he is the only person i am going to change who i am for. People here may want me to act a certain way, but if that's not who i am, then i'm not going to do it.
I will give you an example. One of the things that i am doing "wrong" here is keeping the door to my bedroom closed. My family feels like it is cutting me off from them, like i am living in my own little world instead of in theirs. I have 2 responses to this. 1) The family is rarely here, so my door IS open most of the time, they just never see it. and 2) the only time they are home, they are in their rooms doing homework (the mom is in school too) or on the computer outside my room doing homework. I keep my door closed then because i am constantly listening to music and don't want it to distract them.
Little misunderstandings like this are tearing me apart. I have been a people pleaser my entire life. I constantly strive my hardest to keep the people around me happy and to make sure they are proud of me. Here that has changed dramatically. The kids at NOE know me, because they see me working, having fun, and doing all kinds of things with them. But my family only sees me in my down time, when i'm not out with the kids. And they hold me to a standard that i can't always achieve because i don't know what is right and wrong here. God is showing me that my family's standards matter, and i should try to achieve them, but that HIS standards are what TRULY matter!!!
He is showing me that my work here is at NOE, with those kids, and impacting their lives. That i can't let the things happening at my house effect my work here. I am here to do HIS work for these incredible kids, to give them my heart and everything else i have for HIS glory, and that is what i need to be focusing on.
Things here are so different. Some of it i like, and some of it i hate, but all of it is my life right now, and i have to embrace it as best as i can.
Please be praying for me in these next few weeks that i can continue to adjust to the different way of life here and that the people i am around will be patient and realize that this is hard for me.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Teaching about Strength, sharing about God's, NOT my Own
Last night i had the privilege to teach the Bible study at NOE and a group of about 20 kids were crammed into 1 small classroom to hear me speak. When Juan asked me to share, 2 or 3 weeks ago, i had just finished writing my blog on strength. He told me to pray and ask God what i should share about. After a lot of prayer and reflection, i realized that i was supposed to teach about strength. In the last 2 months SO much has happened in my life dealing with strength, and so much of it had to do with my journey to them, that i felt it was what i HAD to share about.
God helped make the process very easy for me. i spent several days using concordances and searching through my Bible finding verses i had read about strength. i then looked for verses i could use that related to the story i was going to tell. I decided to share both about my sudden trip to the hospital 2 months ago and my flights here because those experiences forever changed my perspective on strength, and where my strength TRULY comes from.
As i was sharing i felt really encouraged, a lot of the kids laughed at my jokes, well they laughed when juan talked because he was translating for me, and they seemed to be listening really well when i was saying the stuff that mattered. Afterwards i got a great response!!!! Several people came up to me and told me how good it was and how much they enjoyed it. However, three people encouraged me very much:
*One person shared with me how she has a similar problem and whenever she hears stories about how other people deal with it, she is really encouraged.
*One person told me that he had a similar thing with his heart. A problem that at first the doctors weren't sure what it was. But he repeated something (in Spanish) that i had said in my lesson that almost brought me to tears. he said, "God has the strength and that's all that matters."
*And another person that really encouraged me is one of my close friends down here who told me that he had a similar scare like i did. He felt the same way i used to, that he was strong, and that his strength was his own, not God's. But he was mugged 2 months ago, and his view on strength changed dramatically. He said he was really encouraged by what i said and that made me really happy.
All in all the lesson went really well, i feel like God gave me the words to get the message across that he wanted. I'm so glad my story helped make an impact, but ALL the glory goes to God, because he gave me the words to speak, i was just opening and closing my mouth.
Please be praying for my continuing ministry here. Juan is going to do a Bible study based on the Driven life, and then at the end is going to teach all the kids how to drive (because it isn't as common for teenagers here.) After he finishes that i am going to be teaching a similar type lesson on our thirst for God and how water is used int he Bible. At the end i am going to teach the kids how to swim (because a LOT of them don't know how). Please be praying for us as we prepare for these lessons. Pray that the kids will enjoy it, that they will be open to it, and that not only the practical things, but the spiritual things in the lesson will change their lives forever.
God helped make the process very easy for me. i spent several days using concordances and searching through my Bible finding verses i had read about strength. i then looked for verses i could use that related to the story i was going to tell. I decided to share both about my sudden trip to the hospital 2 months ago and my flights here because those experiences forever changed my perspective on strength, and where my strength TRULY comes from.
As i was sharing i felt really encouraged, a lot of the kids laughed at my jokes, well they laughed when juan talked because he was translating for me, and they seemed to be listening really well when i was saying the stuff that mattered. Afterwards i got a great response!!!! Several people came up to me and told me how good it was and how much they enjoyed it. However, three people encouraged me very much:
*One person shared with me how she has a similar problem and whenever she hears stories about how other people deal with it, she is really encouraged.
*One person told me that he had a similar thing with his heart. A problem that at first the doctors weren't sure what it was. But he repeated something (in Spanish) that i had said in my lesson that almost brought me to tears. he said, "God has the strength and that's all that matters."
*And another person that really encouraged me is one of my close friends down here who told me that he had a similar scare like i did. He felt the same way i used to, that he was strong, and that his strength was his own, not God's. But he was mugged 2 months ago, and his view on strength changed dramatically. He said he was really encouraged by what i said and that made me really happy.
All in all the lesson went really well, i feel like God gave me the words to get the message across that he wanted. I'm so glad my story helped make an impact, but ALL the glory goes to God, because he gave me the words to speak, i was just opening and closing my mouth.
Please be praying for my continuing ministry here. Juan is going to do a Bible study based on the Driven life, and then at the end is going to teach all the kids how to drive (because it isn't as common for teenagers here.) After he finishes that i am going to be teaching a similar type lesson on our thirst for God and how water is used int he Bible. At the end i am going to teach the kids how to swim (because a LOT of them don't know how). Please be praying for us as we prepare for these lessons. Pray that the kids will enjoy it, that they will be open to it, and that not only the practical things, but the spiritual things in the lesson will change their lives forever.
Friday, September 2, 2011
NOE's Impact
I awoke this morning at 5:40 to the sound of people's excited voices. i was startled and disoriented until i remembered that i hadn't slept in my bedroom (so it wasn't weird that i was hearing about 100 voices). I realized that i was still in the van at NOE, where i had only gotten about 2 hours of sleep, but had been since 5 o'clock int he afternoon yesterday. Yes, for those who like mind puzzles, you figured it out, i spent the night at NOE.
When Luis/Brian Overcast got to NOE at 6 am he saw me and said, "wow, you stayed all night???" I said, "Si, por la experiencia." (Yes, for the experience.)
Let me explain. Today and Monday are the biggest days at NOE because it is registration for the year. In the past i have experienced registration for high school as waking up and getting ready at 6 am to stand in line when the doors opened at 7. The wait wasn't too long, i was with my friends, and the whole process was over by 9 am. This registration was ENTIRELY different!!!!!
I arrived at NOE at 12:15 yesterday to help finish cleaning out the classrooms. i saw a family sitting outside and thought nothing of it (it is very common because there is shade by NOE so families are often there in the afternoon.) However at 3:00 when Erick and i left, there were 5 families. That was a little weird. Erick turned to me and said, "they are waiting in line for registration." I said, "but registration is tomorrow, at 9 am!!!" And he said, "yes, but people want their spot, so they wait ad spend the night here in the ark and then get their numbers tomorrow morning." i was ASTONISHED!!! It was about 20 hours before registration and there were already 5 families waiting.
I went back at 5 with Erick to NOE to be briefed on the schedule for registration. They have it organized really well so that it only takes a family about 5 minutes to be completely registered for classes at NOE. I decided that i wanted to spend the night at NOE, to experience what these families go through to ensure that their children have a place there. When we went outside after the meeting at 6, there were now about 10 families. We hung out there for a while and i found out that several of my friends were going to spend the night too. Even though they were already guaranteed a spot because of their level of English, their younger siblings were not, so they came with them. I got my stuff from my house at 7:15 and then stayed at NOE.
We had a blast!!!!! I brought henna tattoos and had my laptop with me so the kids were enjoying my music. I also now have a fan, a little girl named Katzumi who is probably about 8 years old. She stared at me for about 2 hours and then finally got the courage to come up and talk to me while i was with Erick. She couldn't stop smiling because she was using broken English and i was using broken Spanish, but the communication went really well. She hung out with us, watched me give henna tattoos, and listened to em sing to the songs on my laptop, she wanted me to sing Selena Gomez, but i didn't have any, so i played a Justin Beiber song just for her.
The energy coming from our group was the only energy in the room. Most of the adults were sitting in chairs reading or talking quietly to each other. It was moving to see the commitment these people have to their children, and the hope for a better future for them. Some of our group left, and things started winding down around 2 am when we all went to the van. We spread out and listened to music for about another 2 hours because the lights were on in NOE so it was really hard to go to sleep. I kept looking out the window and seeing people falling asleep in their chairs. I imagined how uncomfortable they must be, because i was uncomfortable and i was sleeping in a van! That was at least carpeted!
Then at around 5:40 i was woken up by people getting excited. Luis/Brian comes at 6 so families were getting in order so they could receive their numbers. When Luis got there everyone was silent while he talked and explained the process. Everyone was given a number and the approximate time that number would be called. They were instructed to be there early though, or they may get skipped. The families all left and Luis took me home to get some much needed rest.
I wanted to go back this morning and watch the registration, but i woke up at 11:53 and it ended at 1 so i wasn't able to go. I was still happy though because i got to experience a big part of NOE that isn't often thought of. When Luis came to talk to the parents, one of the first things he said was that he appreciated their sacrifice. Sacrifice indeed!!! It is obvious that these families care a lot about their children. They want a bright future for them and they know that NOE can help provide that. NOE is making an impact and i am honored to be here and be a part of what God is doing though this INCREDIBLE ministry!!!
When Luis/Brian Overcast got to NOE at 6 am he saw me and said, "wow, you stayed all night???" I said, "Si, por la experiencia." (Yes, for the experience.)
Let me explain. Today and Monday are the biggest days at NOE because it is registration for the year. In the past i have experienced registration for high school as waking up and getting ready at 6 am to stand in line when the doors opened at 7. The wait wasn't too long, i was with my friends, and the whole process was over by 9 am. This registration was ENTIRELY different!!!!!
I arrived at NOE at 12:15 yesterday to help finish cleaning out the classrooms. i saw a family sitting outside and thought nothing of it (it is very common because there is shade by NOE so families are often there in the afternoon.) However at 3:00 when Erick and i left, there were 5 families. That was a little weird. Erick turned to me and said, "they are waiting in line for registration." I said, "but registration is tomorrow, at 9 am!!!" And he said, "yes, but people want their spot, so they wait ad spend the night here in the ark and then get their numbers tomorrow morning." i was ASTONISHED!!! It was about 20 hours before registration and there were already 5 families waiting.
I went back at 5 with Erick to NOE to be briefed on the schedule for registration. They have it organized really well so that it only takes a family about 5 minutes to be completely registered for classes at NOE. I decided that i wanted to spend the night at NOE, to experience what these families go through to ensure that their children have a place there. When we went outside after the meeting at 6, there were now about 10 families. We hung out there for a while and i found out that several of my friends were going to spend the night too. Even though they were already guaranteed a spot because of their level of English, their younger siblings were not, so they came with them. I got my stuff from my house at 7:15 and then stayed at NOE.
We had a blast!!!!! I brought henna tattoos and had my laptop with me so the kids were enjoying my music. I also now have a fan, a little girl named Katzumi who is probably about 8 years old. She stared at me for about 2 hours and then finally got the courage to come up and talk to me while i was with Erick. She couldn't stop smiling because she was using broken English and i was using broken Spanish, but the communication went really well. She hung out with us, watched me give henna tattoos, and listened to em sing to the songs on my laptop, she wanted me to sing Selena Gomez, but i didn't have any, so i played a Justin Beiber song just for her.
The energy coming from our group was the only energy in the room. Most of the adults were sitting in chairs reading or talking quietly to each other. It was moving to see the commitment these people have to their children, and the hope for a better future for them. Some of our group left, and things started winding down around 2 am when we all went to the van. We spread out and listened to music for about another 2 hours because the lights were on in NOE so it was really hard to go to sleep. I kept looking out the window and seeing people falling asleep in their chairs. I imagined how uncomfortable they must be, because i was uncomfortable and i was sleeping in a van! That was at least carpeted!
Then at around 5:40 i was woken up by people getting excited. Luis/Brian comes at 6 so families were getting in order so they could receive their numbers. When Luis got there everyone was silent while he talked and explained the process. Everyone was given a number and the approximate time that number would be called. They were instructed to be there early though, or they may get skipped. The families all left and Luis took me home to get some much needed rest.
I wanted to go back this morning and watch the registration, but i woke up at 11:53 and it ended at 1 so i wasn't able to go. I was still happy though because i got to experience a big part of NOE that isn't often thought of. When Luis came to talk to the parents, one of the first things he said was that he appreciated their sacrifice. Sacrifice indeed!!! It is obvious that these families care a lot about their children. They want a bright future for them and they know that NOE can help provide that. NOE is making an impact and i am honored to be here and be a part of what God is doing though this INCREDIBLE ministry!!!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Poco a Poco
This is a phrase that i learned out of necessity this week. It means bit by bit or little by little. When someone asks me how my Spanish is doing, i say in Spanish,"poco a poco." When someone asks if my stomach is feeling better i say, "poco a poco." And now that i am off my medication and reintroducing everyday Mexican food into my diet, when someone asks how much spice i am adding, i say, "poco a poco."
Everyone that knows me, knows that i am a go-getter! I like to get things done and move on to the next thing! At first that was what i was trying to do with my sickness. I was trying to push past it and do stuff even though it had me running to the bathroom about every hour and a half. However, my family here and at home became concerned, and by day 8 i found out both my mom in the states, and my mom here had talked to Brian Overcast about taking me to the doctor behind my back. Day 10 i finally gave in and went. The doctor was wonderful, spoke English, and had a sense of humor. He told me that what i had was a severe case of travelers sickness, and prescribed the same medication i took when i got sick in Nepal. However, i was on a very strict diet that made it almost impossible to eat here. Thank God my family was kind enough to make special food for me.
The last five days (the extent of the medication) have been quite a growing experience. It is a MAJOR test for self control, integrity, and the breaking of my will. I hate going out with the NOE kids and having to watch them eat their tacos while i slowly chew a piece of pineapple that they didn't want. Or drinking out of my warm water bottle while watching them sip an ice cold soda. The worst however, is smelling the spice in the food my family cooks for themselves, and knowing i can't have it.
God helped me through the whole thing though. He showed me that he can push me really far in the food department without making me crack. That will definitely come in handy by my 100th street taco!!!! God also taught me a big lesson about myself though, that sometimes i need to take things slowly, or poco a poco. It is going to be hard, but i realized that is a BIG part of being flexible, which is a necessity as an intern at NOE. I pray that God will continue to help me learn to take life poco a poco, and also that he will be merciful on my stomach today and the days that follow as i reintroduce it to the food here.
***I also have another prayer request. Juan has asked me to teach the Bible study at NOE next Monday. I have chose to teach on strength, and where our strength really comes from. As you read in my last blog it is something that i have struggled with for a long time, but now have a LOT of insight in. I ask that you pray that God will give me ways to get through to these kids and that the whole thing will go really well :)
Everyone that knows me, knows that i am a go-getter! I like to get things done and move on to the next thing! At first that was what i was trying to do with my sickness. I was trying to push past it and do stuff even though it had me running to the bathroom about every hour and a half. However, my family here and at home became concerned, and by day 8 i found out both my mom in the states, and my mom here had talked to Brian Overcast about taking me to the doctor behind my back. Day 10 i finally gave in and went. The doctor was wonderful, spoke English, and had a sense of humor. He told me that what i had was a severe case of travelers sickness, and prescribed the same medication i took when i got sick in Nepal. However, i was on a very strict diet that made it almost impossible to eat here. Thank God my family was kind enough to make special food for me.
The last five days (the extent of the medication) have been quite a growing experience. It is a MAJOR test for self control, integrity, and the breaking of my will. I hate going out with the NOE kids and having to watch them eat their tacos while i slowly chew a piece of pineapple that they didn't want. Or drinking out of my warm water bottle while watching them sip an ice cold soda. The worst however, is smelling the spice in the food my family cooks for themselves, and knowing i can't have it.
God helped me through the whole thing though. He showed me that he can push me really far in the food department without making me crack. That will definitely come in handy by my 100th street taco!!!! God also taught me a big lesson about myself though, that sometimes i need to take things slowly, or poco a poco. It is going to be hard, but i realized that is a BIG part of being flexible, which is a necessity as an intern at NOE. I pray that God will continue to help me learn to take life poco a poco, and also that he will be merciful on my stomach today and the days that follow as i reintroduce it to the food here.
***I also have another prayer request. Juan has asked me to teach the Bible study at NOE next Monday. I have chose to teach on strength, and where our strength really comes from. As you read in my last blog it is something that i have struggled with for a long time, but now have a LOT of insight in. I ask that you pray that God will give me ways to get through to these kids and that the whole thing will go really well :)
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Facing My Fears
"Take your position."
"Take my position."
"Face your fears."
"Face my fears."
"And hold your ground until the last POSSIBLE moment!"
This portion of dialogue is between my two favorite characters in one of my all-time favorite animated movies, Quest for Camelot. The first speaker is Garrett, a strong character, but he is blind and later his fear of that becomes obvious. He is teaching the other main character, Kaylee, how to get through an enchanted forrest with dangers around every corner. I may not be in an enchanted forrest, but here in Morelia, i need to learn to face my fears.
Today the director of NOE, Brian Overcast, came to talk to me about going to the doctor. After we had that conversation we went on to talk about how i can adapt better to the culture. We talked about sleeping, what time i got to bed and what time i wake up; that will continue to change as i continue to get used to the time here. We talked about eating, even though that is a sensitive subject right now because i'm sick. Then we talked about the thing i have been DREADING!!! Going places by myself. Walking from one place to another without an escort, just me, myself, and i, walking down the streets of Morelia.
My face immediately changed when he said this. But then he said something to me that gave me a challenge that i cannot refuse. He said that even though i am 18, he heard that i was really mature for my age, and therefore here i am not going to be babied, i am going to be treated like an adult. That is what i want here. I don't want to be treated like some spoiled, "rich" girl from the states who needs help with everything, i want to be treated like a woman who is here to do work for the Glory of God.
I hadn't realized until that moment, how genuinely scared i was to go somewhere alone here. I mean i have said it to people here, because i am always asking someone to come get me, but until that moment, it hadn't really hit me that the fear was so deep within my heart. I wasn't initially scared. I knew that this is what God wanted me to do, and therefore i had no fear, but sadly, since getting here, that confidence has slowly escaped my body. It hasn't helped that a lot of people at home, jokingly, tell me not to get shot or kidnapped here. It does happen and every time i walk down the street, it seems like those scenarios become more and more real in my head.
That is the position i am in. I have taken it and was ready to spend my 6 months in Morelia never going anywhere by myself. Being consumed by the fear that my blonde hair and fair skin would make me too much of a target for it to be "safe" for me to go anywhere alone.
But God showed me today, that i can't do that. With fear in my heart, i cannot do the work that He has sent me here to do, for Him!!! 1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." I desire a perfect love for these people. I love them with all of my heart and hope that with God's help, that can continue to grow into a love that somehow resembles the perfect love he had for us, the love he showed when he died on a cross for all our sins. But in order to have that kind of love, i cannot have fear. My love for these kids, and my desire to be with them will help drive out the fear in my heart of going anywhere alone in Morelia.
Therefore i am facing my fears. It will be baby steps, starting with a walk to the store, then across the big freeway to someone's house, or NOE, but the process is going to begin. The fear is leaving my body, my heart, and my soul because i know God is with me here. I am never walking down the streets alone, he is surrounding me, at my right hand, and his angels are watching over me. "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. you will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; i will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91: 11-14.
Yes it will still be scary, or tense at times, but God will help me continue to lose this fear as my trust in him strengthens with every time i leave the house. I will learn to hold my ground until the last possible moment, because i have the ultimate protector by my side. "The lord is with me, i will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Psalm 118:6.
"Take my position."
"Face your fears."
"Face my fears."
"And hold your ground until the last POSSIBLE moment!"
This portion of dialogue is between my two favorite characters in one of my all-time favorite animated movies, Quest for Camelot. The first speaker is Garrett, a strong character, but he is blind and later his fear of that becomes obvious. He is teaching the other main character, Kaylee, how to get through an enchanted forrest with dangers around every corner. I may not be in an enchanted forrest, but here in Morelia, i need to learn to face my fears.
Today the director of NOE, Brian Overcast, came to talk to me about going to the doctor. After we had that conversation we went on to talk about how i can adapt better to the culture. We talked about sleeping, what time i got to bed and what time i wake up; that will continue to change as i continue to get used to the time here. We talked about eating, even though that is a sensitive subject right now because i'm sick. Then we talked about the thing i have been DREADING!!! Going places by myself. Walking from one place to another without an escort, just me, myself, and i, walking down the streets of Morelia.
My face immediately changed when he said this. But then he said something to me that gave me a challenge that i cannot refuse. He said that even though i am 18, he heard that i was really mature for my age, and therefore here i am not going to be babied, i am going to be treated like an adult. That is what i want here. I don't want to be treated like some spoiled, "rich" girl from the states who needs help with everything, i want to be treated like a woman who is here to do work for the Glory of God.
I hadn't realized until that moment, how genuinely scared i was to go somewhere alone here. I mean i have said it to people here, because i am always asking someone to come get me, but until that moment, it hadn't really hit me that the fear was so deep within my heart. I wasn't initially scared. I knew that this is what God wanted me to do, and therefore i had no fear, but sadly, since getting here, that confidence has slowly escaped my body. It hasn't helped that a lot of people at home, jokingly, tell me not to get shot or kidnapped here. It does happen and every time i walk down the street, it seems like those scenarios become more and more real in my head.
That is the position i am in. I have taken it and was ready to spend my 6 months in Morelia never going anywhere by myself. Being consumed by the fear that my blonde hair and fair skin would make me too much of a target for it to be "safe" for me to go anywhere alone.
But God showed me today, that i can't do that. With fear in my heart, i cannot do the work that He has sent me here to do, for Him!!! 1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." I desire a perfect love for these people. I love them with all of my heart and hope that with God's help, that can continue to grow into a love that somehow resembles the perfect love he had for us, the love he showed when he died on a cross for all our sins. But in order to have that kind of love, i cannot have fear. My love for these kids, and my desire to be with them will help drive out the fear in my heart of going anywhere alone in Morelia.
Therefore i am facing my fears. It will be baby steps, starting with a walk to the store, then across the big freeway to someone's house, or NOE, but the process is going to begin. The fear is leaving my body, my heart, and my soul because i know God is with me here. I am never walking down the streets alone, he is surrounding me, at my right hand, and his angels are watching over me. "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. you will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; i will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91: 11-14.
Yes it will still be scary, or tense at times, but God will help me continue to lose this fear as my trust in him strengthens with every time i leave the house. I will learn to hold my ground until the last possible moment, because i have the ultimate protector by my side. "The lord is with me, i will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Psalm 118:6.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The Struggle for Strength
I have always been stubborn, especially when it comes to being sick. I always say, "i'm not sick! I can do this or i can do that!" It's when i admit defeat that you know i am really sick. That is the way i am here in Mexico now. I am being stubborn, struggling not to accept the defeat that my body is telling me i must.
I have been stubborn in a similar way with God my entire life. I always try to do everything on my own because i am strong, i like to believe that i can do it without him. 2 years ago when i was overseas in Nepal, my team leader talked about verses in the Bible saying that God is strong in our weakness. This concept disturbed me. I had gone my whole life being the strong one, but now in order for God to be strong in my life i had to be weak??? I pleaded with God saying, "there must be another way. Can't i be strong too?" But he showed me in a very powerful way that HE was the one who was supposed to be strong. A little bit of cow manure from a field i was playing soccer in was kicked into my mouth. Within 2 hours i was in a bathroom pleading with God to help me. I was the weakest i have ever felt in my entire life.
God taught me so much in the few days i was in bed where all i could do was read my Bible, pray, and think. He taught me that being strong is a good thing, but that i can NEVER mistake His strength for my own. After those few days i had a much better understanding of what it meant to be weak in order for God to be strong. Here in Mexico i am feeling that same sensation.
My body is not reacting well to the food here. I am constantly in pain and constantly in the bathroom. I try to eat as bland of a diet as possible, but there are only limited amounts of bland food here where chile peppers are as common in a market as any other food.
But God is good and he is teaching me a lot through this experience. He is showing me that HIS power is ALL that matters!!! Last night was really bad. i was sick at midnight and while i tried to sleep my stomach decided to perform a contortionist routine, i finally fell asleep around 1:30 am. I awoke at 8 to pain, a severe need of the bathroom, and the severe desire not to do anything today. But i had promised the kids that i would go play basketball with them. I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to be able to go with them, and after almost an entire morning in the bathroom, when they came to get me, i felt well enough to go! God showered his grace on me and allowed me to be away from home for almost 3 hours without feeling sick!!!! When i wanted to use the bathroom before we left the place, there was no toilet paper, therefore i had to wait until we got back to my house. But God was good :)
At first last night i felt humiliated by what was happening in my body. I was angry at God and asked, "did you just bring me here to be in the bathroom???" But i am realizing that this is all just a part of the journey. No one said this was going to be easy!!! And while yes, it does suck, God is helping me get through it.
Every day, every hour, is a battle for me. A battle with my stomach, and a struggle for strength to push through whatever pain i am in. But i take heart in this:
GOD IS OUR REFUGE AND OUR STRENGTH, AN EVER-PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE.
Psalm 46:1
I have been stubborn in a similar way with God my entire life. I always try to do everything on my own because i am strong, i like to believe that i can do it without him. 2 years ago when i was overseas in Nepal, my team leader talked about verses in the Bible saying that God is strong in our weakness. This concept disturbed me. I had gone my whole life being the strong one, but now in order for God to be strong in my life i had to be weak??? I pleaded with God saying, "there must be another way. Can't i be strong too?" But he showed me in a very powerful way that HE was the one who was supposed to be strong. A little bit of cow manure from a field i was playing soccer in was kicked into my mouth. Within 2 hours i was in a bathroom pleading with God to help me. I was the weakest i have ever felt in my entire life.
God taught me so much in the few days i was in bed where all i could do was read my Bible, pray, and think. He taught me that being strong is a good thing, but that i can NEVER mistake His strength for my own. After those few days i had a much better understanding of what it meant to be weak in order for God to be strong. Here in Mexico i am feeling that same sensation.
My body is not reacting well to the food here. I am constantly in pain and constantly in the bathroom. I try to eat as bland of a diet as possible, but there are only limited amounts of bland food here where chile peppers are as common in a market as any other food.
But God is good and he is teaching me a lot through this experience. He is showing me that HIS power is ALL that matters!!! Last night was really bad. i was sick at midnight and while i tried to sleep my stomach decided to perform a contortionist routine, i finally fell asleep around 1:30 am. I awoke at 8 to pain, a severe need of the bathroom, and the severe desire not to do anything today. But i had promised the kids that i would go play basketball with them. I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to be able to go with them, and after almost an entire morning in the bathroom, when they came to get me, i felt well enough to go! God showered his grace on me and allowed me to be away from home for almost 3 hours without feeling sick!!!! When i wanted to use the bathroom before we left the place, there was no toilet paper, therefore i had to wait until we got back to my house. But God was good :)
At first last night i felt humiliated by what was happening in my body. I was angry at God and asked, "did you just bring me here to be in the bathroom???" But i am realizing that this is all just a part of the journey. No one said this was going to be easy!!! And while yes, it does suck, God is helping me get through it.
Every day, every hour, is a battle for me. A battle with my stomach, and a struggle for strength to push through whatever pain i am in. But i take heart in this:
GOD IS OUR REFUGE AND OUR STRENGTH, AN EVER-PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE.
Psalm 46:1
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Days Like Dreams
My life is so different here in Mexico, that it is hard to explain. Both the little and the big changes are making this trip both challenging and exciting, and i have only been here a week. I am excited to see how God continues to challenge me in the weeks and months to come.
It feels a lot like when i went to training camp before Nepal. There they told us that in order to be fully prepared for our trip, we had to give up comfort and control. Here it is the same, i am still giving up comfort and control, but in different ways than i did in that hay field 2 years ago.
Giving up the little things makes me less comfortable. I can't sing in the shower because if the water gets in my mouth, i will get even sicker. I can't put my clothes in the dryer because dryers don't exist here. I have to sleep with a fan because of the heat. And instead of searching for a quiet place where i can think and be alone, i am provided that at least half the day every day because my family is gone at school or work.
-- Not all of these things are bad!!! God is using them to stretch me, and i appreciate it. I realize that this trip is not going to be easy. A lot of my friends think i'm down here on vacation, HA!!! I AM having fun!!! Don't get me wrong!!! I am having the time of my life, but i must constantly pray and ask God for strength that the little things don't build up to the point that i crack.
The big things are an even harder challenge, but at the same time the most emotionally and spiritually rewarding. One big thing is that i am CONSTANTLY surrounded by people that genuinely care!!! At home i have my family and close friends, but here, when i'm sick, people i barely know are doing everything possible to make me comfortable!!! It is such a blessing that i am constantly fighting back tears of gratitude. The biggest thing however, i have not yet decided if it is a blessing or a curse. The biggest thing is the cultural independence from time. My days feel like dreams because i wake up at a different time than at home, eat at a different time than at home, and in between, never know what time it is!!! Here, if you want to know the time you had better have a cell phone because i still have yet to see a clock out in public. These people go about their day using their routine as their time. If they are late, it doesn't matter, and if they are early, it's weird. This is hard for me to grasp because since NOE is on vacation...i have no routine! My plans are made moment by moment. Those of you that know me know that i thrive on structure and order. I need to know where to be, at what time, and then i do it. Here that is impossible. One, because i always have an escort to wherever i am going, so if the escort is late, i am late. And two, because i am usually informed of a plan at the last minute and often have little time to prepare.
-- I realize that this is all a test from God. It is showing me that even though i think i have control over what i do day to day, i really don't!!! He controls every day, every hour, every second, and i am but the character he chose to live this life. Therefore i am choosing to live it to the fullest!!! To embrace this crazy new life that is before me and to go into it full throttle, knowing that God knows what is going to happen, and that is all that matters.
It feels a lot like when i went to training camp before Nepal. There they told us that in order to be fully prepared for our trip, we had to give up comfort and control. Here it is the same, i am still giving up comfort and control, but in different ways than i did in that hay field 2 years ago.
Giving up the little things makes me less comfortable. I can't sing in the shower because if the water gets in my mouth, i will get even sicker. I can't put my clothes in the dryer because dryers don't exist here. I have to sleep with a fan because of the heat. And instead of searching for a quiet place where i can think and be alone, i am provided that at least half the day every day because my family is gone at school or work.
-- Not all of these things are bad!!! God is using them to stretch me, and i appreciate it. I realize that this trip is not going to be easy. A lot of my friends think i'm down here on vacation, HA!!! I AM having fun!!! Don't get me wrong!!! I am having the time of my life, but i must constantly pray and ask God for strength that the little things don't build up to the point that i crack.
The big things are an even harder challenge, but at the same time the most emotionally and spiritually rewarding. One big thing is that i am CONSTANTLY surrounded by people that genuinely care!!! At home i have my family and close friends, but here, when i'm sick, people i barely know are doing everything possible to make me comfortable!!! It is such a blessing that i am constantly fighting back tears of gratitude. The biggest thing however, i have not yet decided if it is a blessing or a curse. The biggest thing is the cultural independence from time. My days feel like dreams because i wake up at a different time than at home, eat at a different time than at home, and in between, never know what time it is!!! Here, if you want to know the time you had better have a cell phone because i still have yet to see a clock out in public. These people go about their day using their routine as their time. If they are late, it doesn't matter, and if they are early, it's weird. This is hard for me to grasp because since NOE is on vacation...i have no routine! My plans are made moment by moment. Those of you that know me know that i thrive on structure and order. I need to know where to be, at what time, and then i do it. Here that is impossible. One, because i always have an escort to wherever i am going, so if the escort is late, i am late. And two, because i am usually informed of a plan at the last minute and often have little time to prepare.
-- I realize that this is all a test from God. It is showing me that even though i think i have control over what i do day to day, i really don't!!! He controls every day, every hour, every second, and i am but the character he chose to live this life. Therefore i am choosing to live it to the fullest!!! To embrace this crazy new life that is before me and to go into it full throttle, knowing that God knows what is going to happen, and that is all that matters.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Learning Patience
Those of you that know me well know that i am NOT a patient person. At school, at home, in my sports, in any and every aspect of my life it is a challenge for me to be patient. Sadly here, a lack of patience in certain areas can be a bad thing, and now i am suffering. I am alluding to the food. Mexican food is God's gift to man...an array of flavors and textures that cannot be duplicated. However, since my body isn't used to it...it doesn't really want to keep it in my system.
Yes you guessed it, i'm sick.
It's not as bad as it could be, but i am definitely incapacitated at the moment. The dreadful devil that caused this sickness was CHILES!!! The sad part is that i have a weakness for them!!! On past trips to Mexico i have been teased because even though i look American, my mouth is DEFINITELY Mexican, meaning that spicy things don't phase me. It takes a serious amount of heat to make me cry, but i will still eat it. In a weird way, the pain and the adrenaline is what makes eating them fun.
If i had patience, i wouldn't be sick right now. Patience would have kept me eating simple tortillas, quesadillas, and bread for a few more days to give my stomach more of a foundation before embarking on the chile experience. But sadly, my lack of patience resulted in me giving in to both the red AND the green chile monsters yesterday. My fault, therefore i pay the consequence. I chose to put chile on my vasoloté (corn and mayonaise) and i chose to put chile verdé on my quesadillas. It was sooooo good, but now i'm sorry i did it.
However, despite the discomfort, i have a very surprising positive outlook on the situation. I see the sickness as a cleansing of my body and a cleansing of my behavior. I need to learn patience, and this practical way is a good starting point. It won't happen over night, but it is something i am determined to work on and pray about while i am here.
The Bible says to "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12. This verse is the exact kind of thing i need right now. The "joyful in hope" part is taken care of. I am so happy to be here and so hopeful about what God is going to do through me that i feel like i am going to explode!!! The "faithful in prayer" part is also going really well. Since my experiences on the planes coming here, prayer has been an even bigger part of my daily life than it was before. The "patient in affliction" part is what i am asking for prayer for. I am definitely afflicted right now and i need patience in order to get through it.
Thank you so much for all your prayers!!!
Yes you guessed it, i'm sick.
It's not as bad as it could be, but i am definitely incapacitated at the moment. The dreadful devil that caused this sickness was CHILES!!! The sad part is that i have a weakness for them!!! On past trips to Mexico i have been teased because even though i look American, my mouth is DEFINITELY Mexican, meaning that spicy things don't phase me. It takes a serious amount of heat to make me cry, but i will still eat it. In a weird way, the pain and the adrenaline is what makes eating them fun.
If i had patience, i wouldn't be sick right now. Patience would have kept me eating simple tortillas, quesadillas, and bread for a few more days to give my stomach more of a foundation before embarking on the chile experience. But sadly, my lack of patience resulted in me giving in to both the red AND the green chile monsters yesterday. My fault, therefore i pay the consequence. I chose to put chile on my vasoloté (corn and mayonaise) and i chose to put chile verdé on my quesadillas. It was sooooo good, but now i'm sorry i did it.
However, despite the discomfort, i have a very surprising positive outlook on the situation. I see the sickness as a cleansing of my body and a cleansing of my behavior. I need to learn patience, and this practical way is a good starting point. It won't happen over night, but it is something i am determined to work on and pray about while i am here.
The Bible says to "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12. This verse is the exact kind of thing i need right now. The "joyful in hope" part is taken care of. I am so happy to be here and so hopeful about what God is going to do through me that i feel like i am going to explode!!! The "faithful in prayer" part is also going really well. Since my experiences on the planes coming here, prayer has been an even bigger part of my daily life than it was before. The "patient in affliction" part is what i am asking for prayer for. I am definitely afflicted right now and i need patience in order to get through it.
Thank you so much for all your prayers!!!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Sticking Out Like a Sore Thumb for Christ
And so it begins.
This is my first experience of doing ministry in a foreign country by myself. In the past we have come to Mexico in a group, and i went to Nepal in a group. When a group of 30 or 40 Americans walks through a country where white skin is uncommon, the comments are directed toward the whole group. However, when i am the only white skinned, blonde haired, "gringa" walking the streets of Morelia, i know all the comments are for me. The thing that makes it harder is i understand most of what they are saying. For example. I went to my "twin's" house a few days ago. His grandmother has seen me on skype, but that is when i am sitting down. When she met me in person, she said in spanish, "nice to meet you! you are enormous!!!" as she gave me a hug and then walked away. I didn't take offense, i am almost a foot taller than the average Mexican woman and a little taller than the average Mexican man. Hey at least it's not as bad as Nepal where i only met one person taller than me and then the next tallest person was at my shoulder!!!!!
In the combi (public transportation) yesterday i had my arm out the window. A man on the seat across from Erick told him to tell me to put my arm inside or i was going to burn. Erick told me and i told him it was okay. The man then made some rude comments about me being a stupid gringa and about how i shouldn't be in Mexico. I understood what he said, but didn't let on. I even fooled Luis and Erick because they told me after we got off what the guy said, and i responded, "i know, it's okay." I would normally be really upset, but God is helping me see these situations in a new light.
Back in the states, i'm also self conscious about my height and size. I especially am uncomfortable around really short people because I feel like the weird one. I must admit i often retaliate when my friends make a comment about my height, and the retaliation is not always good. i have been praying about how to deal with it differently here though, and to learn ways to deal with it when i come back home. God has helped me figure out how and i will share it with all of you.
He brought to my mind people in the Bible that were noticed for something physical, and God used them in a miraculous way. Por ejemplo (for example) Zaccheus! He was noticed because he was a "wee little man" and also a mean tax collector, but God used him to show Jesus's love for all people, even tax collectors, and Jesus's love changed Zaccheus' life!!! When someone is staring because of my height, i am going to smile and show God's love rather than retaliating. Esther also came to mind. She was noticed for her beauty and ended up being able to use that, along with faith in God, to save her people!!! I get whistled at a lot in the street because i have an American body and blonde hair. I get noticed, but i am going to use that to my advantage. I stick out like a sore thumb at NOE, but that makes it easier to set an example and to show the love of God to these incredible kids!
I feel like God is going to use me in incredible ways here, and part of that is going to happen because i am different. When we were in Nepal the kids would ask why we had traveled so far, away from our homes, just to talk to them? We responded by sharing the love of Jesus with each and every one of them. I'm only 2000 miles away from home this time, but the concept still remains. I am here to share the love of God with theses kids, with every strand of blonde hair and cell of white skin i posses!!!
This is my first experience of doing ministry in a foreign country by myself. In the past we have come to Mexico in a group, and i went to Nepal in a group. When a group of 30 or 40 Americans walks through a country where white skin is uncommon, the comments are directed toward the whole group. However, when i am the only white skinned, blonde haired, "gringa" walking the streets of Morelia, i know all the comments are for me. The thing that makes it harder is i understand most of what they are saying. For example. I went to my "twin's" house a few days ago. His grandmother has seen me on skype, but that is when i am sitting down. When she met me in person, she said in spanish, "nice to meet you! you are enormous!!!" as she gave me a hug and then walked away. I didn't take offense, i am almost a foot taller than the average Mexican woman and a little taller than the average Mexican man. Hey at least it's not as bad as Nepal where i only met one person taller than me and then the next tallest person was at my shoulder!!!!!
In the combi (public transportation) yesterday i had my arm out the window. A man on the seat across from Erick told him to tell me to put my arm inside or i was going to burn. Erick told me and i told him it was okay. The man then made some rude comments about me being a stupid gringa and about how i shouldn't be in Mexico. I understood what he said, but didn't let on. I even fooled Luis and Erick because they told me after we got off what the guy said, and i responded, "i know, it's okay." I would normally be really upset, but God is helping me see these situations in a new light.
Back in the states, i'm also self conscious about my height and size. I especially am uncomfortable around really short people because I feel like the weird one. I must admit i often retaliate when my friends make a comment about my height, and the retaliation is not always good. i have been praying about how to deal with it differently here though, and to learn ways to deal with it when i come back home. God has helped me figure out how and i will share it with all of you.
He brought to my mind people in the Bible that were noticed for something physical, and God used them in a miraculous way. Por ejemplo (for example) Zaccheus! He was noticed because he was a "wee little man" and also a mean tax collector, but God used him to show Jesus's love for all people, even tax collectors, and Jesus's love changed Zaccheus' life!!! When someone is staring because of my height, i am going to smile and show God's love rather than retaliating. Esther also came to mind. She was noticed for her beauty and ended up being able to use that, along with faith in God, to save her people!!! I get whistled at a lot in the street because i have an American body and blonde hair. I get noticed, but i am going to use that to my advantage. I stick out like a sore thumb at NOE, but that makes it easier to set an example and to show the love of God to these incredible kids!
I feel like God is going to use me in incredible ways here, and part of that is going to happen because i am different. When we were in Nepal the kids would ask why we had traveled so far, away from our homes, just to talk to them? We responded by sharing the love of Jesus with each and every one of them. I'm only 2000 miles away from home this time, but the concept still remains. I am here to share the love of God with theses kids, with every strand of blonde hair and cell of white skin i posses!!!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The Light in the Darkness
*Fair warning to the squeamish, this post has contains several stories of throwing up because the power of the story wouldn't be present if they were left out. So i apologize, but i am putting it in!
Ah travel day...
For anyone that doesn't know...i am a horrible flyer!!! In order to not get super sick i need to have medication in me and a relief bracelet on sending shocks into my arm. But yesterday...i had neither of those things. During my goodbyes at the airport i took the medicine, but my stomach couldn't hold it down so i ended up throwing it up 10 seconds after i took it. I was really nervous. After many tearful goodbyes, we got through security with only 2 minor problems and got to our gate. The dream team kids waited with me until the very end to get on the plane because they could see how sick i was. They are so sweet!!! We got on the plane and i began putting on my relief bracelet...only to find out it wasn't working!!! For the 10 minutes we taxied around getting ready to take off i was frantically changing batteries, pushing buttons, and panicking...but to no avail.
At that moment i was praying with all my heart, "Lord' i am trusting you completely now...because i have nothing." And that is when it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! God was showing me that i needed to trust HIM with my discomfort of travel rather than relief bracelets and medicine. I had been saying that i was trusting him, but in all honesty i was trusting man-made thins that i thought were god-given to me. I needed to put my trust ENTIRELY in him!!! That prayer, and many others apologizing for my lack of faith were running through my head the entire fight. I still threw up twice, but i felt the presence of God around me and actually smiled as i was doing it. The flight attendant who was really nice to me, Rob, thought i was crazy because i was smiling.
We got in to the Dallas airport after a VERY bumpy landing and had a 4 hour layover there. I read letters people had given me and cried with and talked to one of the students while all the rest went to get food. When all the kids got back, we talked, played games, and listened to music. Suddenly a man was behind us asking, "What city are all of you flying to?" We all smiled and said, "Morelia!" Then he said, "well you better hurry because they just did a final boarding call for that flight!!" We ran so fast i forgot one of my bags and one of the kids had to grab it for me. We all got on the plane though! But as soon as i stepped in, the fear set in like nothing i have ever felt!!! I realized we were riding an airbus (a plane where there is 1 seat on one side of the aisle, and 2 on the other, in other words, you feel every little bump)!!! My mind raced back to the last time i was on an airbus...i was on that plane for 45 minutes and threw up 8 times. When i found out our flight was 2 hours and 15 minutes, it was all i could do not to burst into tears!!! And when the captain announced that the last hour of the flight was going to be really bumpy, i did shed a few tears.
But as i was, i felt the presence of God around me. I have NEVER had a more comfortable take off!!! I could feel God's hand under the plane. God also blessed me with the ability to fill out the necessary forms for my visa (i can't read in anything that is moving or i will get sick) and he allowed me to feel well enough to get up and go to the bathroom! I was praising him through the entire flight!!! When the turbulence hit, my prayers were flying faster than the plane, but then i saw the light, the light amidst the dark clouds that were causing all the turbulence. I saw out my window the most BEAUTIFUL sunset i have ever seen!!! God was showing me that everything was going to be alright, and i burst into tears!! When i was able to see the city, lit beautifully in the dark, i started to cry again. We got to the ground in a very bumpy landing, but i barely felt it because i was too busy feeling God hold me tighter than i have ever felt him hold before. Thanks to God and his mercy and power, i made it through the flight without throwing up! When we got off the plane, the kids were asking me if i was okay because they claimed the plane had practically been vertical at one point! And i said yes because i had barely felt anything!!! It was incredible!!!!!
We got into the airport and through the line to get our visas very quickly. I was even awake enough to speak entirely in spanish to the guy who was giving it to me!!! My next prayer was that when i turned the corner i would see all my luggage...AND I DID!!! Both pieces were there and didn't have a scratch on them!!! Another praise!!! The next prayer was that i would get through with a green button so they wouldn't have to search through every inch of my very carefully packed bags. I saw everyone waiting for me...and i got completely distracted. The guy had to tell me three times to push the button because i was too busy being shocked at the number of people that were there to greet us! In the excitement i also made the mistake of telling him i was "solo" instead of "con grupo" that had already made it through. But i pushed the button and it....WAS GREEN!!! I got through, and spent the next 30 minutes in a blurr of hugs and greetings!!!! All those smiling faces were my light at the end of a day of darkness. Their smiles and words of welcome made everything horrible that had just happened to me melt away in an instant!!! None of them will ever be able to comprehend how much that meant to me!
I got to my house, unpacked despite torrential rain and a thunderstorm that caused blackouts throughout the evening. God's power illustrated through the skies once again!
I am feeling really overwhelmed right now.I left home yesterday morning and many people that i love, but also came home to many people i love last night! It will take a while to process, but God is good and will help me do it in his time!
Ah travel day...
For anyone that doesn't know...i am a horrible flyer!!! In order to not get super sick i need to have medication in me and a relief bracelet on sending shocks into my arm. But yesterday...i had neither of those things. During my goodbyes at the airport i took the medicine, but my stomach couldn't hold it down so i ended up throwing it up 10 seconds after i took it. I was really nervous. After many tearful goodbyes, we got through security with only 2 minor problems and got to our gate. The dream team kids waited with me until the very end to get on the plane because they could see how sick i was. They are so sweet!!! We got on the plane and i began putting on my relief bracelet...only to find out it wasn't working!!! For the 10 minutes we taxied around getting ready to take off i was frantically changing batteries, pushing buttons, and panicking...but to no avail.
At that moment i was praying with all my heart, "Lord' i am trusting you completely now...because i have nothing." And that is when it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! God was showing me that i needed to trust HIM with my discomfort of travel rather than relief bracelets and medicine. I had been saying that i was trusting him, but in all honesty i was trusting man-made thins that i thought were god-given to me. I needed to put my trust ENTIRELY in him!!! That prayer, and many others apologizing for my lack of faith were running through my head the entire fight. I still threw up twice, but i felt the presence of God around me and actually smiled as i was doing it. The flight attendant who was really nice to me, Rob, thought i was crazy because i was smiling.
We got in to the Dallas airport after a VERY bumpy landing and had a 4 hour layover there. I read letters people had given me and cried with and talked to one of the students while all the rest went to get food. When all the kids got back, we talked, played games, and listened to music. Suddenly a man was behind us asking, "What city are all of you flying to?" We all smiled and said, "Morelia!" Then he said, "well you better hurry because they just did a final boarding call for that flight!!" We ran so fast i forgot one of my bags and one of the kids had to grab it for me. We all got on the plane though! But as soon as i stepped in, the fear set in like nothing i have ever felt!!! I realized we were riding an airbus (a plane where there is 1 seat on one side of the aisle, and 2 on the other, in other words, you feel every little bump)!!! My mind raced back to the last time i was on an airbus...i was on that plane for 45 minutes and threw up 8 times. When i found out our flight was 2 hours and 15 minutes, it was all i could do not to burst into tears!!! And when the captain announced that the last hour of the flight was going to be really bumpy, i did shed a few tears.
But as i was, i felt the presence of God around me. I have NEVER had a more comfortable take off!!! I could feel God's hand under the plane. God also blessed me with the ability to fill out the necessary forms for my visa (i can't read in anything that is moving or i will get sick) and he allowed me to feel well enough to get up and go to the bathroom! I was praising him through the entire flight!!! When the turbulence hit, my prayers were flying faster than the plane, but then i saw the light, the light amidst the dark clouds that were causing all the turbulence. I saw out my window the most BEAUTIFUL sunset i have ever seen!!! God was showing me that everything was going to be alright, and i burst into tears!! When i was able to see the city, lit beautifully in the dark, i started to cry again. We got to the ground in a very bumpy landing, but i barely felt it because i was too busy feeling God hold me tighter than i have ever felt him hold before. Thanks to God and his mercy and power, i made it through the flight without throwing up! When we got off the plane, the kids were asking me if i was okay because they claimed the plane had practically been vertical at one point! And i said yes because i had barely felt anything!!! It was incredible!!!!!
We got into the airport and through the line to get our visas very quickly. I was even awake enough to speak entirely in spanish to the guy who was giving it to me!!! My next prayer was that when i turned the corner i would see all my luggage...AND I DID!!! Both pieces were there and didn't have a scratch on them!!! Another praise!!! The next prayer was that i would get through with a green button so they wouldn't have to search through every inch of my very carefully packed bags. I saw everyone waiting for me...and i got completely distracted. The guy had to tell me three times to push the button because i was too busy being shocked at the number of people that were there to greet us! In the excitement i also made the mistake of telling him i was "solo" instead of "con grupo" that had already made it through. But i pushed the button and it....WAS GREEN!!! I got through, and spent the next 30 minutes in a blurr of hugs and greetings!!!! All those smiling faces were my light at the end of a day of darkness. Their smiles and words of welcome made everything horrible that had just happened to me melt away in an instant!!! None of them will ever be able to comprehend how much that meant to me!
I got to my house, unpacked despite torrential rain and a thunderstorm that caused blackouts throughout the evening. God's power illustrated through the skies once again!
I am feeling really overwhelmed right now.I left home yesterday morning and many people that i love, but also came home to many people i love last night! It will take a while to process, but God is good and will help me do it in his time!
Monday, August 8, 2011
From Home to Home
The feeling going through my head and my heart right now is one of the weirdest that i have ever experienced.
On the one hand i am sad to leave. Sad to be saying goodbye to the people who have helped shape who i am, the people i love, and the people i have spent my life with. This is the longest, by far, that i have ever been away from home, so it will be really hard to leave.
But at the same time...i'm not really leaving home, because my home is in Mexico as well. I have people i carer about deeply there as well, and i have many people there who i consider family. So i am happy to be reunited with them.
I'm sure it will take quite a while to digest everything that i am feeling. The 6 hours i am going to be spending on a plane in a few hours should be a good time. I hate flying, i always have. I'm not scared, i just get sick, and i hate that. I', trusting God to hold the plane and hold me as well as all the kids on the dream team that i am flying with. But i am actually, believe it or not, feeling really good about this flight. God got me through 17 hours of flight when i went to Nepal, and he can get me through this and anything else.
I feel like i'm in limbo right now. i want to be in Mexico OR at home, not in this weird state of mind where i am letting go of Portland while grabbing on to Mexico at the same time. But only a few more hours, and i will fly out of limbo and into my beautiful Morelia!!!
On the one hand i am sad to leave. Sad to be saying goodbye to the people who have helped shape who i am, the people i love, and the people i have spent my life with. This is the longest, by far, that i have ever been away from home, so it will be really hard to leave.
But at the same time...i'm not really leaving home, because my home is in Mexico as well. I have people i carer about deeply there as well, and i have many people there who i consider family. So i am happy to be reunited with them.
I'm sure it will take quite a while to digest everything that i am feeling. The 6 hours i am going to be spending on a plane in a few hours should be a good time. I hate flying, i always have. I'm not scared, i just get sick, and i hate that. I', trusting God to hold the plane and hold me as well as all the kids on the dream team that i am flying with. But i am actually, believe it or not, feeling really good about this flight. God got me through 17 hours of flight when i went to Nepal, and he can get me through this and anything else.
I feel like i'm in limbo right now. i want to be in Mexico OR at home, not in this weird state of mind where i am letting go of Portland while grabbing on to Mexico at the same time. But only a few more hours, and i will fly out of limbo and into my beautiful Morelia!!!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Picking Up the Pieces
Yesterday my host brother Erick and i cleaned up my entire room. The pictures of Nepal and mexico that covered my walls are now packed away in boxes along with my Nepali blanket which covers an entire wall, all my sports and high school stuff, and basically everything that has defined my life for the last several years. At first the whole thing was really depressing. I am a person who at times needs her own space, and my room has been my only way to get that. I had surrounded myself with everything that defined who i was as a person and it made me feel safe.
Seeing all that stuff in boxes made me realize that the person is still here, but now it's just me; no awards, no reminders, nothing except me, myself and i. And i realized that was what i needed in order to put myself entirely into this experience. As the pictures were being placed in the box i looked into the faces of the kids from NOE who i have covered my wall with since my trip there last summer. I looked into their eyes and thought, "i need to be there, ALL there, for them. They deserve nothing less than everything i can give."
I looked at the pile in my room i call the Mexico pile, because it is a drop spot for any and everything i am taking to Mexico and thought, "this is me." I saw clothes, a few books, and everything else i am packing and thought, "this is going to define me for the next 6 months" and then changed that thought and said to myself, "no! this is what has defined me my whole life, now i am defined by what God does through me at NOE."
It is now officially 13 days until i leave and the fact that i am ACTUALLY LEAVING is really starting to set in. I hate goodbyes with a deep passion, and so these next 13 days are going to be really hard because they are going to be FULL of them. I am saying goodbye to people that mean everything to me, people who are always there for me, people who i see every day, and it's not easy. But i need to realize that they were pieces of a bigger puzzle (i love puzzles) and in order to finish the puzzle God has for me int these next 6 months, i need to pick up the pieces, place them in their spot in my heart, and fly to Mexico to pick up the rest and finish the puzzle of my heart that God has made. Goodbyes are hard, and i will cry, but it is a part of the journey, therefore i am embracing them.
Seeing all that stuff in boxes made me realize that the person is still here, but now it's just me; no awards, no reminders, nothing except me, myself and i. And i realized that was what i needed in order to put myself entirely into this experience. As the pictures were being placed in the box i looked into the faces of the kids from NOE who i have covered my wall with since my trip there last summer. I looked into their eyes and thought, "i need to be there, ALL there, for them. They deserve nothing less than everything i can give."
I looked at the pile in my room i call the Mexico pile, because it is a drop spot for any and everything i am taking to Mexico and thought, "this is me." I saw clothes, a few books, and everything else i am packing and thought, "this is going to define me for the next 6 months" and then changed that thought and said to myself, "no! this is what has defined me my whole life, now i am defined by what God does through me at NOE."
It is now officially 13 days until i leave and the fact that i am ACTUALLY LEAVING is really starting to set in. I hate goodbyes with a deep passion, and so these next 13 days are going to be really hard because they are going to be FULL of them. I am saying goodbye to people that mean everything to me, people who are always there for me, people who i see every day, and it's not easy. But i need to realize that they were pieces of a bigger puzzle (i love puzzles) and in order to finish the puzzle God has for me int these next 6 months, i need to pick up the pieces, place them in their spot in my heart, and fly to Mexico to pick up the rest and finish the puzzle of my heart that God has made. Goodbyes are hard, and i will cry, but it is a part of the journey, therefore i am embracing them.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Everything is Coming Together
Hey everyone!!! This is my first blog of many as i begin my journey to Morelia, Mexico to teach English at the NOE Center there. I anxiously await the moment i will be reunited with all my friends and family in Morelia!!!!! Only 2 weeks left!!!
I am close to having all the money, but that is still a major prayer request.
Another is travel, as the days slip away my head cannot get over the fact that i am going to be on an airplane again very soon. So peace in that area is a prayer request as well.
Some of you may be wondering about the title of my blog, so i will explain now. Almost a year ago, my "twin brother" in Morelia gave me a verse called a rhema verse, or in English a verse to remember. I committed it to memory and it has helped me through thick and thin this year in my preparation for this trip. The verse is Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." My hearts's desire was to go to Mexico, so i focused on delighting myself in the Lord and now i am on my way!! Now that Mexico is a quickly approaching reality, i thought it only fitting to use part of my rhema verse in my blog. So los deseos de mi corazon means "the desires of my heart," the people of Morelia are that to me, and thank God those desires are about to be fulfilled very soon!!!
I am close to having all the money, but that is still a major prayer request.
Another is travel, as the days slip away my head cannot get over the fact that i am going to be on an airplane again very soon. So peace in that area is a prayer request as well.
Some of you may be wondering about the title of my blog, so i will explain now. Almost a year ago, my "twin brother" in Morelia gave me a verse called a rhema verse, or in English a verse to remember. I committed it to memory and it has helped me through thick and thin this year in my preparation for this trip. The verse is Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." My hearts's desire was to go to Mexico, so i focused on delighting myself in the Lord and now i am on my way!! Now that Mexico is a quickly approaching reality, i thought it only fitting to use part of my rhema verse in my blog. So los deseos de mi corazon means "the desires of my heart," the people of Morelia are that to me, and thank God those desires are about to be fulfilled very soon!!!
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