Right Where I Belong...

          As I sit here in the airport getting ready to fly home for the summer, I can’t help but be in awe of everything that the Lord has done for me in these last several weeks.  Since most of you haven’t heard, I’ll have to catch you up.

          First of all, I have officially survived my first year of graduate school, and to top that off, I finished this semester with a 4.0!  I am so thankful that this semester was easier than the last one, and of course thankful to the Lord for helping me to keep my sanity every step of the way.  But I must admit, even though I love school, I am anxious to get home and relax for a while before coming back to Greenville to tackle my second (and hopefully final) full year.

          Secondly, the Stuarts have a new puppy!  Not many of you know, but my parents had to put Kida down suddenly in February when she had a sudden onset of cancer.  As you can imagine, this was an extremely difficult time for our whole family.  Kida had been such a light in our lives and at first I didn’t think it was fair that she had been taken from us so soon and unexpectedly.  But my family was able to help me see the situation in a different light.  We realized that Kida was given to me as a gift; each of us had a different way of coping with what happened to our family a few years ago, and Kida was how I got through it.  So my family said that since it was time for her to leave us, that meant that I had healed from the experience and was back to where I needed to be emotionally.  I definitely agreed with this conclusion; thanks to the Lord’s faithfulness and patience with me, I am in a better place emotionally and spiritually than I have been in a very long time.   Based on this, I understood that it was time for that fluffy angel to be taken from my life, and for me to continue on, being stronger for having her with me the for the time that I did.  Kida will always be a part of my life, and not having her at home to greet me will be really difficult, but it will be made easier by the presence of sweet little Breeze.

          Thirdly, and most importantly, these last few weeks have been filled with accomplishments within my program.  I went to an awards ceremony to accept the two scholarships I was awarded this semester, both of which will help pay for the school year next year since my remission will most likely not be renewed.  I also completed my scientific diving certification, which involved 16 dives in a quarry in North Carolina as well as two dives on the shipwreck Indra on the North Carolina coast.  The quarry dives tested all the skills we learned in our scientific diving course.  I performed very well for the majority of the tasks and was amazing my colleagues and instructors with my resilience to the “cold water” in the quarry.  Considering that the water was in the low 60s, the warmest I have ever been diving in, I was in heaven, swimming around in just a partial wetsuit and eventually just a swimsuit with my thin rashguard on top.

          It’s so funny to me that I am such an enigma to people here, but it further proves that I am in the right field of study.  This hot-bloodedness that has been the bane of my existence my entire life, is now proving to be what sets me apart from my colleagues.  This was further proven during our time in Sheboygan, Wisconsin these last few weeks for field school.  We all had a great time working on the Atlanta shipwreck, in spite of the many challenges we faced from the elements as well as sickness and ear infections amongst our team.  The weather was nice, but the water was hard for most of my teammates to handle considering the warmest it got was a whopping 53 degrees.  However, my diving in the Northwest prepared me and I was completing almost 90 minute dives, extending my work time significantly.  I was quite proud of all that I learned and accomplished while in Wisconsin and so proud of our team for battling through and finishing the job we were given.  As a result of hundreds of hours of work, we now have a beautiful scaled drawing of the Atlanta that will be added to a thesis as well as a site report, not to mention all the information we gathered and skills we acquired during our time there.

          In addition to all of this, I have also changed my apartment location and now live in a house with the intern for Campus Christian Fellowship and some of the other students involved in the ministry.  I am so excited to be living with these amazing people and even more excited to see what God has in store for all of us this next school year.

          So that, in a blog-size nutshell, is what has been going on in my life the last couple months.  I have learned and done so much this last year it is absolutely crazy!  This trip home and the rest and relaxation that will come with it has been much anticipated and I can’t believe I’m within 12 hours of being back in Portland!  Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this summer as I conduct thesis research and prepare for a very busy second year of graduate school.  Thanks everyone!!!

Much Needed Rejuvination

        These last few days have been an absolute blur.  Holiday parties and festivities and countless hours of homework and assignments in between; it's been so crazy I couldn't have told you what day it was when I woke up this morning.  But, by the grace of God and by about a hundred tiny miracles, I have made it to the end of my first semester of grad school.  After I finish my last paper tomorrow, all that is left standing between me and the plane ride home is a presentation and an optional final exam.
        It is so crazy to think that in the moment all of this seems so important.  When I'm in the middle of it, school is the only thing on my mind.  And, up until this evening I really hadn't noticed how physically exhausted I am from the last few weeks.  So this is when I dig.  I dig my heels into the ground, tie my hair back, and finish the semester with all the strength I possess so I can go home to the people I love.  I have never been a person to give up, and so this is the type of moment that I thank God for making me as strong as I am because I know I can make it through this!

Please keep me in your prayers the next few days. A few things in particular:
 *My sanity and health
 *Finishing my paper to the best of my ability and having my grades reflect that effort.
 *And finally safe and punctual travels on Wednesday.  If all goes according to plan I should leave Greenville by noon and be in Portland by nine that night, so please join me in praying that that schedule stays true to my itinerary and nothing goes wrong with any of my flights.
     
        I am pleased to say that within 48 hours I will be able to say, as it does in 2 Timothy, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."  And to add my own additional bit to that, "I'm coming HOME!"

Learning to Call NC Home

I'm back!!! I can't believe it's been three and a half years since I last wrote an entry on here!  I'm still keeping the name though because it translates to "the desires of my heart," and now I just get to write about a different desire of my heart that has been fulfilled.

For anyone who needs an update, I was accepted into the Maritime Studies graduate program at East Carolina University so almost two months ago I packed up my life and moved from Portland, OR to Greenville, NC (which Google has officially calculated as being a 2,949.5 mi. move).  North Carolina could not be more different from Oregon, but I am slowly but surely learning how to call this new and strange place home.

This last week has been especially rough on me.  Between the shooting in Oregon, the fact that the NOE kids were in Portland running and I couldn't be there, and all the flooding and fear going on here and in South Carolina it has just been an emotional time.  Praise God that Greenville was not hit nearly as hard by Joaquin as we were supposed to be, but several other areas have had devastating damage so I ask your prayers for the family and friends of many of my friends here who now have to deal with the water damage from flooding.

I have, however, been able to take hope in the Lord, knowing full well that he would not have brought me here if I wasn't prepared for the challenge he set before me.  He gives me daily hope, reassurance, and strength, proving to me each and every day, in large ways and small, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be!  The following are lists of praises and prayer requests, I want to keep you all updated so I promise that I will do my best to make these blogs a more consistent occurrence now that I have developed more of a set schedule.

I love you all!!! Sophie

Some praises:
*I have connected well with the staff and students of Campus Christian Fellowship and I am beyond grateful to have them as a refuge of faith and security in this new and strange place.
*My roommates are both amazing and the three of us get along really well which makes life outside of school a lot easier than I thought it was going to be.
*The Lord has given me countless opportunities to expand socially, as well as the courage to seize those opportunities and as a result I have gained more acquaintances and friends in the almost two months I have been here than I did in my two years at Portland State.
*My scientific diving class is going extremely well, and my insecurities of being one of the more in-experienced divers in my program are melting away as I realize that I can and have passed each challenge that has been thrown at me.
*It's raining and, I HOPE, the humidity is finally going away!

Some prayer requests:
*While the people in my program are nice, I live a very different lifestyle and have very different morals, not to mention what I am learning in my classes about theory and human evolution goes against everything I believe as a Christian.  I ask for prayer for strength in my faith and for God to give me patience with my colleagues because I am going to be working with them, possibly, for the rest of my life.
*I spend a lot of time with the Campus minister for CCF, his wife, and two small children.  Their son Hudson is about a year and a half old and has Cystic Fibrosis so i ask you to keep him, his health, and his family in your prayers.
*I have a 20ish page midterm due on Thursday which is mentally and physically draining me.

One Week Left (Just plain One Week Left, no exclamation points, but no sad faces either)

At this time in exactly a week i will be in the Dallas airport, probably crying, waiting for my plane to take me the short 3 and a half hours back home, back to Portland. (Man that's so weird to think about!!!)

Since i officially only have a week left, i think it's time to do some reflecting. By that, i mean willing reflection, because i have been doing it unwillingly for the last two weeks. Sleep has become something less and less known to me because i have so much swimming around in my head at night, i can't stop it to go to sleep!!! So many memories, so many faces, so many lessons, so much pain, and so much joy, NO WONDER i'm only getting 5 to 6 hours a night, and that's on a GOOD night. (The heat is also a MAJOR factor in this as well.)

I'm thinking a lot about both the big and the little things, but obviously the big more than the little.

I constantly think about the fact that I am forgetting things about home:

*What the voices of my friends sound like

*What it feels like to drive

*Details about my house

*The sound of my dogs barking or my chickens laying an egg in the morning

I’ve been thinking a lot about everything I’ve missed:

*Family birthdays and holidays

*Big Firsts like my Katie’s first day of college, Livy’s first water polo game, or Ari’s first high school play

*Family dinners where i have to raise my hand to get a word in edge-wise

*I’ve missed so much of the lives of my family and friends and I can’t ever get it back.....

I’ve been thinking about all the lessons I’ve learned:

*God FINALLY got it burned into my head that I am WEAK without him!!!!

*I’ve learned the hard way that I can’t do ANYTHING without God

*I’ve learned how to love people in ways I never before thought possible

*Thanks to the INCREDIBLE church I attend here, I have learned how exciting and breath-taking a TRUE relationship with Christ can be!!!

*I’ve learned so much about myself, and it’s all still so fresh in my head, I can’t even find the words to put it down on paper!!!

I’ve been thinking soooooooo much about all the INCREDIBLE people God has blessed my life here with. The family i live with, the family i spend most of my time with, and the family i have built with the AMAZING friends i have here!!!!!!!!!!!!

And i have also been thinking about the little things that i am going to miss so much. All the inside jokes that no one at home will understand, all the little accomplishments, all the little things i’m not going to have when i go home.

1. (I have to brag a little, sorry) BUT I HAVE OFFICIALLY GONE MY WHOLE TIME HERE WITHOUT ONCE PUTTING THE TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET!!!!!!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!
2. The laughs of my friends here that send me into a fit of hysteric laughter myself that I won’t hear again for who knows how long
3. The sounds in the streets that have become part of life, like the annoying garbage bell, and the never ending gas song
4. The feeling of waking up every morning knowing that i get to go to work in a place that God is BLESSING!!!
5. All the INCREDIBLE DELICIOUS food that has almost killed me so many times but that i am still going to miss
6. All the random, unexpected, often awkward or disturbing, conversations and moments with my friends

Also, i have been thinking about the little things here that i am NOT going to miss!!!!!:

1. Not being able to walk anywhere without someone whistling, staring, or making a vulgar remark about my hair, skin, or body.
2. MEXICAN TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. Not having a dryer
4. Not being able to put the toilet paper in the toilet!!!

and many other little things

Truth is, right now, i don’t know what to do. I don’t whether to be happy or sad, to cry because i’m heartbroken or to cry for joy, to hold on to the people here until i can’t any longer, or to think about all the people i will get to hold on to for the first time in so long.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But i do know how to go about doing whatever it is that i decide to do this last week, have God with me in everything i do!!!!!! He is the only one who can get me through this time of grief that masks joy. All my trust is in him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It All Just.....Clicked!!!!!

To start off this monumental blog, i need to make a confession. I have changed a lot here in Mexico, and frankly i was very scared and worried about coming home as this new person.

I was afraid it would be hard for my friends to get used to this new me. I was afraid that the changes i want to make in my relationships with my sisters would shock them. I was afraid that the amount of maturity i have gained here would make it difficult for me to be around people my own age. I was afraid that no one would understand exactly what i have been through in these last 8 months, and so i would be very alone.

But all those fears are gone now.

I have been praying now, for several weeks, as my time of departure draws closer and closer by the minute that God would give me peace about going home. That he would give me some sort of sign that it was alright, because up until Sunday morning, i still felt like i wasn't supposed to go home yet. I was really sad about leaving and crying out to God for some form of comfort, something to show me that it was going to be alright. I got that comfort in church on Sunday morning during the sermon.

Pastor Andres, an incredibly gifted preacher who has figured out how to almost bring me to tears in one way or another almost every week, started the sermon speaking about children finding their own feet, so to speak, in religion, rather than following those of their parents. He talked about making religion your own instead of just accepting the faith of your parents but not REALLY believing. I was prepared for this to be another one of "these kind" of sermons, i have heard them all my life, and finally started listening 3 years ago in Nepal. It was there that i made a commitment to God that my relationship with him was mine, and not just a copy of my parents' relationship with him. But then Andres took the sermon in a whole different direction that blew my mind forwards, backwards, to both sides, AND upside down!!!!!

He began by talking about Joseph and what the Bible says about his life. He used verses to show that a lot of the things that happened to Joseph when he was young, he perceived as giving the glory to himself. He thought he could do everything by himself, and God was waiting for the day when he would break and say, "I can't do this anymore, i need help!!!" That day, obviously, came when he was sold by his brother and taken to egypt. Andres used Genesis 39 to talk about how Joseph worked in Potapher's house and because GOD WAS WITH HIM, he was promoted to his high status in that household. Then Andres talked about how Joseph had to be in a different place, where he didn't feel like he had control, to figure out that God had had control over everything that had happened to him the entire time. It took getting away, and going to not the most ideal place, to get him where he needed to be spiritually.

I literally almost burst into tears, because in that moment...everything clicked.

I realized that i have been in Potapher's house. i have been in a place foreign to me, where life hasn't been easy and i have been trying to do things on my own, when God has been doing everything and paving the way for me the entire time. I am in my Potapher's house right now, and it is EXACTLY what i needed to have and where i needed to be in order to reach the level of spirituality God desires for me at this point in my life.

I have been praying that God would help me reflect and kind of see what he has been teaching me, and i saw all of it in that moment. I realized how much i have changed. How i have learned how to live with difficult people. how i have learned to love in new ways. How i have learned to anchor every aspect of my life with prayer. How i have learned that i can do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING without Christ. As i wrote in one of my first blogs, that has been the biggest battle i have had to fight here. Every time i think i have FINALLY learned that lesson, i start feeling strong again and i decide that i can do something on my own, and i get knocked down even harder than the last time. But God has finally picked me up, and i'm glad, because i can barely stand from being knocked to the earth over, and over, and over again. Scarred, dirty, beaten and bruised, but being lifted up anew, and happier than i was before all of this even began.

In that moment i cast a thanks like none i have ever said before, up to God for giving me the peace about how i have changed. I thought,"this is the sign, not as big as i was hoping, but big enough for me to recognize it and big enough for me to begin to have peace about going home." But God wasn't done with me yet!!!

Then pastor Andres started talking about transformation of our spiritual lives, how we move from one level to the next, constantly growing. He used the illustration of a baseball diamond to talk about the 4 "levels" of change we have.

(This is obviously a translated version since the entire church service is in Spanish, but you get the idea. He didn't go into a lot of detail, just the basics, so the stuff down below is a mixture of his explanations and my additions to those explanations.)

He said we start at home, where we are comfortable, and we learn to depend on things. We are taught to depend on God, but we end up depending on ourselves. We meet God, and learn about his purpose for us, and his power, and are still stupid enough to think we can do everything on our own. I was definitely here when i came to Mexico, stupid enough to think i could do everything on my own. But after getting knocked down again, and again, i learned my lesson.

Then with our "new-found faith"we move to first base, where we learn about His unfailing love for us. As we learn about it we try to change our character to love more like him. I have definitely learned so much more about myself as a person here, and it shocks me. I have found some of the most incredible friendships i have ever had in my life, and also discovered a new way to love people that i never could have learned at home.

Then, with our hearts full we proceed to second base, where we learn how to share how we have changed spiritually with the community around us. We open up to share what we have learned about Christ with those we love. I have learned here how to be a better part of a working community. How to contribute, how to back down when i'm not in my place, and how to take constructive criticism (which if you know me well, you know has been a lesson that i have needed for a LONG time!!!) I have also had the opportunity to share numerous times here about my faith and hope that it is making an impact on the people around me.


Then, after learning what we have needed to learn in this "round" we move on to third base. There we see the results of how God has changed our life in this "run." We reflect and see the new capacities he has given us through our deepened knowledge and understanding of him. I am here right now, soaking in everything God has taught me over these last 8 months. Marveling at how on earth i couldn't see it before now, how much god has done for me, how many times he has been with me here even though i thought i could do things on my own. I feel the presence of the capability to come home and be this changed person, a better person, and to begin my life a new AS this person.


And when we have learned all that in our Potapher's house, it's time for us to
Go
Back
Home.

It's time. Time for me to use everything i have learned and experienced here to go home and start living the rest of my life!!!! To live every day at home filled with love and prayer as i have lived every day here. To never forget what has happened here, and to hold every smile, every joke, every tear, every heart and every moment in my heart forever.

Pastor Andres ended with a question, and then a way to help us answer the question.

He asked us, "now, where are you going?" and then he said, "and wherever you are going, have the power of God with you."

I started crying and thought:

I'm going home, and God, and his unmatchable, unquestionable, indescribable power, is coming with me.

Amor de Amistad (Love of Friendship)

Every year, Valentines Day has been a curse in my life. A day set aside in the year to shove it in my face and then rub some dirt in it that i'm single. Normally, it's the only day of the year i wish i wasn't single, but it still hurts, and each year it hurts a little more. My parents have always done a good job of helping us look at family love on Valentines Day, but even that can't take away the sting of seeing so many people around me so happy in their relationships.

I was kind of dreading this day in Mexico, because here, my family wouldn't even be here to share their love with me. But i decided to put my best foot forward and try to make my first Valentines Day in Mexico very memorable. I had no idea then how much God was going to bless me that day!!!!!!!!!!

My morning was spent shopping and baking. February 14th, a day that i used to hate, is the birthday of my incredible best friend in Morelia, Luis, so i was baking for the party we were having for him, and 2 more of my students who also had birthdays in February.  I was also shopping for a present for Luis, ingredients, and 3 mini cakes to smash in the faces of my three students with birthdays (crazy and often rather violent Mexican tradition that i happen to love).  Both the apple pies and the brownies turned out great and i went to NOE a very happy person.  When i got there i played basketball with some friends because only 2 of the girls on the basketball team decided to show up for practice.

After that it was time for class. Everyone put the food they had bought or prepared in the middle of the table and we had a feast while we wrote little Valentines cards to each other. In the midst of all of it i was surprised at how happy i was. Then it began to dawn on me why i was so happy:

In the states, Valentines Day is centered around those who are in relationships. And if you aren't in a relationship, Valentines Day sucks. But here in Mexico it is different. The day is named Amor de Amistad, or love of friendship. This means that it is just as normal for people to give presents to their friends, as it is to give a present to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Here it's not a day that points the finger and says, "ha you're single!" It's a day that celebrates romantic love, but also the unbreakable, and incredible kind of love that exists among friends. Upon that realization i was perfectly happy to end my day and go home having my first fun Valentines Day in my memory. But i had a lot more in store!!!!!

At the end of the party we proceeded to put all 3 of the guys faces in their cakes at the same time. It worked beautifully, but turned to chaos when Luis turned around, picked up the plate of cake, and pushed it into my face. As soon as that happened, all hell broke loose. Cake flew, people screamed, jumped on chairs and tables to get away, and after a few minutes we all stopped to look at each other covered in cake and frosting, but even the ones who got hit the hardest were no match for the mess that the classroom was. We spent the next hour laughing and getting cleaned up. I had cake everywhere on my clothes and in over half of my hair, so one of my students took me home to get cleaned up. when i was ready, we went and got another friend and then went back to my students house to watch a movie.

People started coming to join us with the movie and that was completely normal, but then 3 brothers who never do stuff with us showed up at the door with guitars in hand. Over the next hour 7 of the guys, with a guitar for each of them, practiced the songs they were going to sing in a serenade for select girls from NOE and their schools. We walked off into the night to begin. It was adorable, hearing them sing and seeing the faces of the girls light up like the fourth of July when they came to the door hearing "(insert name here) your name is a poem of love, your eyes are the lights of the sky, and your lips the foam of the sea." (IT SOUNDS EVEN CUTER IN SPANISH!!!!!) After the first house i was informed that i was part of the routine, and they were all upset because now they couldn't sing to me. So we decided that i would be the last one, but i still got to go with them. So i held the roses they presented to a select few girls and heard these amazing boys sing songs of love to about 10 different girls.  My heart was overwhelmed with love for them and pride in the fact that they were making so many girls feel so special that night. When my turn came i literally almost cried.

So that was my story, and now to the point. Sorry for all the ushy, gushy stuff, but that used to be all that Valentines Day was about for me, well moreover, the lack of it in my life, but still, you get the idea.  Now Valentines Day means something ENTIRELY different thanks to a food fight, seven young men with guitars, my incredible friends here, and a long-stemmed red rose.

Valentines Day will no longer be a day of pain or sorrow for me. It will no longer be a day when i cry when i'm by myself and think, "why isn't it okay to be alone???" Now i realize that i am never alone. From now on Valentines Day is going to be a day of celebration for me. A day to honor each and every one of the incredible people that God has placed in my life. A day to give them my love, to thank them for being a piece of my life, and to continue to show them the greatest love of all, the love of Christ.



The days are winding down, and my heart is continuing to rip in to. It wants to stay here with this indescribable group of people i have shared the last seven months with, but at the same time it is ready to go home and see the people who have taught me how to love my whole life.

I take comfort in this: that the love i have for the people here is so strong that it will not let me forget my life and the things i have learned here. Here in Morelia they taught me about a different kind of love, and now it is time for me to go home and share this new love with the other people in my life.

29 days and i will be home. The love of the people here will always be with me, the love of people at home is pulling me there, and the love of Christ will get me through this time that is now before me.

My Number.........19

March 19th.....i´ve known for a few weeks now, is the day i come back to my beloved Portland.
March 19th.....i get to see my incredible family and friends again.
But....March 19th i also have to say goodbye to my beautiful Morelia.

19 has seriously been my number for this trip. I turned 19 while i was here in Mexico, i have about 19 people here that i don´t know what i would do without. 19 is about the number of times i thank God each and every day that i am here in this incredible place. 19 ius about the number of students who come to the Bible Study each week. 19 is about the total number of shirts that i have that i have been living in for the last almost 7 months.

19 has been a very good thing for me!!!!!1

But 19 is also now very sad. March 19th is the day i leave this incredible place. 19 around the number of people at home who i am starting to miss more and more every day. And 19 is also probably about the number of little things when i am home that i am going to miss each and every day about Mexico.

My emotions are alllllllllllllllllll over the place right now. I don´t knwo whether to be happy or sad, and i don´t know how to be both. But God is helping me through this whole thing. Home is close. In 1 month and 20 days i will be on a plane back to Portland, and about 10 hours after i get on that plane, i will be at home, hugging my family, frtiends, and my dogs (who i miss sooooooooooooooo much) for the first time in over 8 months.

It´s a crazy thing. I want to count down to see my family and friends at home, but at the same time i want the minutes to go by as slowly as possible while i am here!!! God is helping me though. He´s showing me how to make the best of every day, bettering myself and helping the people around me. He´s also beginning to put a subtle feeling in my heart that it is time to go home, and for the first time since i´ve been here, i am starting to feel okay with that.