-I know it's really cliche, but it's what i'm learning and how i'm feeling-
First i want to apologize that it has been almost 3 weeks since i last blogged, but the end of the trimester has left me very busy with papers, grades, etc.
Because i am 100% honest in this blog i need to warn all of you that this one is going to have a little bit of venting about all the things i miss about Christmas in the states. So here we go:
2 days ago when i started to get the idea for this blog, i wanted to call it "It's Beginning to Not Look AT ALL Like Christmas" for reasons that are about to be explained. Here in Morelia, it is still between 60 and 80 during the day. i am still walking around in t-shirts and capris without being cold in the slightest. At night it is a different story, but during the day i am still hot and almost miserable. Many stores play American Christmas music and people look at me funny when i am singing along while i shop. Other than the music however, it wasn't feeling at ALL like Christmas to me!!! Christmas means looking for rain that will soon turn into snow. Christmas means breaking out my boots and cute winter clothes so i can constantly be warm and cozy. Christmas means waking up every morning and smelling the Christmas tree. Christmas means making another wreath to hang somewhere in the house. Christmas means breaking out the huge pile of old Christmas movies and watching them one by one with my family. Christmas means baking delicious things with your family and shopping for presents. Christmas means EGGNOG!!!!! Christmas means me chopping wood for our fireplace and helping my mom get ready for our huge annual Christmas Party, which is one of the highlights of my year!!!
I know this is kind of immature but this IS how i was feeling until Friday. When people would ask me, "are you excited for your first Mexican Christmas???" I would smile and say yes, but inside i was screaming, "THIS ISN'T CHRISTMAS!!!"
I needed a good slap in the face, and man did i get one this last Friday during the Christmas service at NOE.
I had no idea what this thing was. It's called a Pre-Posada, so i asked what that meant. Posada's are a Catholic tradition in Mexico where people act out the Christmas story, walking from house to house looking for "room" for a party. One family is designated to say yes each time the people go walking and they stop at that house and have a party. The pre-Posada is another party where they sing, drink this delicious drink called Ponche, and break piñatas. So that is what we did in the Ark at NOE. I wasn't too excited about it. My Dream Team kids and i had to sing a song, so we had been preparing for that all week. Anyone who knows me well knows that i HATE singing in public which is one of the many reasons i quit choir years ago, so i was not looking forward to this. Some friends and i were going out dancing after the Pre-Posada as well, so truthfully all that was going through my head was, "can we please get this over with so i can go dancing???" After the evening i felt very ashamed about this.
My kids and i were up right after the ice-breaker, which only took a few minutes. We walked up on stage, opened our pink folders that had the lyrics inside and waited for the tacky intro to Jingle Bell Rock to begin playing. We started singing, and i began looking around. I saw all the people watching, finding faces in the crowd of people i know and love so much, and then started looking at my kids standing around me on stage. They were trying their hardest to pronounce the words right like we had practiced, and smiling at each other and everyone looking at them. In that moment, my heart was filled with such happiness and such love for these people, that i didn't want to start crying, so i burst out laughing. THANK GOD it was in a part of the song that i could still sing while laughing, and i don't think anybody but my kids noticed. After we were done we got a big round of applause and went back to our spots in the back.
One of my kids turned to me, and said, "that was a disaster." and all i could do was smile and agree. BUT IT WAS OKAY!!! In my head all i was thinking was that up until that moment, this Christmas had been a disaster for me. All i wanted to do was be at home, curled up in warm clothes, under a blanket, with a cup of eggnog by the fire. But it hit me like a ton of bricks, that i still love these people and this place, more than anything, even though i thought it would be a disaster!!! After that my head was flooded with movie quotes, lines from books, passages of scripture, and parts of sermons i have heard about Christmas, all saying that Christmas MEANS Jesus being born, coming to Earth for us. Saying that the other stuff is fun, but none of it is as important as being with the people you love, celebrating the TRUE reason for the season! And if that rush of guilt wasn't enough, Hugo then gave a 20 minute lesson on that EXACT subject!!!! Even though it was in Spanish, i was able to understand every word (such a God thing) and each word, like a dagger pierced my heart, until, by the end, i had nothing left in me except love for these people and the Christmas i was soon to share with them. Each word of his message stabbed out everything i was missing, everything i was wanting, and everything i had thought so many times about crying over, and replaced it with a stronger love than i have EVER felt for these people, this culture, and this Christmas i will partake in in a few days.
Jesus came, on Christmas day, grew up, suffered with us, to give us the ultimate gift, the best kind of service he had, his life!!!!! I am not comparing myself to Jesus at all. I am here, for these people though, and i wish to serve them in every way i can!!! At the Pre-Posada that was burning my hand almost 20 times serving steaming hot Ponche to everyone present. it was service with a smile for me, a smile for every single one of these people, whether i know them or not, because i am here to serve them NOT to be served!!!!
This Christmas is DEFINITELY going to be different!!! I have yet to see a real Christmas tree, i won't see any of my portland friends or family, i won't do any of the things i normally do, and i won't be in MY house, but it's okay!!!! I am here, in Morelia, Michoacan Mexico getting ready to spend Christmas with people i love just as much as my family at home!!! Getting ready to try new things, have new experiences, and share in the love of family that this culture revolves around!!!
So what if i'm the crazy white girl singing Christmas songs in every store i go in to??? So what if i'm still sweating instead of shivering??? So what if the fireplace where i live isn't even real??? So what if there isn't a tree in my house???
This is still going to be Christmas
Shared with people i love
Remembering what TRULY matters
That the God who brought me here
On this day so many years ago
Brought his son to this Earth
To Save me and everyone else here!!!
THAT IS THE REASON TO CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
