This is a phrase that i learned out of necessity this week. It means bit by bit or little by little. When someone asks me how my Spanish is doing, i say in Spanish,"poco a poco." When someone asks if my stomach is feeling better i say, "poco a poco." And now that i am off my medication and reintroducing everyday Mexican food into my diet, when someone asks how much spice i am adding, i say, "poco a poco."
Everyone that knows me, knows that i am a go-getter! I like to get things done and move on to the next thing! At first that was what i was trying to do with my sickness. I was trying to push past it and do stuff even though it had me running to the bathroom about every hour and a half. However, my family here and at home became concerned, and by day 8 i found out both my mom in the states, and my mom here had talked to Brian Overcast about taking me to the doctor behind my back. Day 10 i finally gave in and went. The doctor was wonderful, spoke English, and had a sense of humor. He told me that what i had was a severe case of travelers sickness, and prescribed the same medication i took when i got sick in Nepal. However, i was on a very strict diet that made it almost impossible to eat here. Thank God my family was kind enough to make special food for me.
The last five days (the extent of the medication) have been quite a growing experience. It is a MAJOR test for self control, integrity, and the breaking of my will. I hate going out with the NOE kids and having to watch them eat their tacos while i slowly chew a piece of pineapple that they didn't want. Or drinking out of my warm water bottle while watching them sip an ice cold soda. The worst however, is smelling the spice in the food my family cooks for themselves, and knowing i can't have it.
God helped me through the whole thing though. He showed me that he can push me really far in the food department without making me crack. That will definitely come in handy by my 100th street taco!!!! God also taught me a big lesson about myself though, that sometimes i need to take things slowly, or poco a poco. It is going to be hard, but i realized that is a BIG part of being flexible, which is a necessity as an intern at NOE. I pray that God will continue to help me learn to take life poco a poco, and also that he will be merciful on my stomach today and the days that follow as i reintroduce it to the food here.
***I also have another prayer request. Juan has asked me to teach the Bible study at NOE next Monday. I have chose to teach on strength, and where our strength really comes from. As you read in my last blog it is something that i have struggled with for a long time, but now have a LOT of insight in. I ask that you pray that God will give me ways to get through to these kids and that the whole thing will go really well :)
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Facing My Fears
"Take your position."
"Take my position."
"Face your fears."
"Face my fears."
"And hold your ground until the last POSSIBLE moment!"
This portion of dialogue is between my two favorite characters in one of my all-time favorite animated movies, Quest for Camelot. The first speaker is Garrett, a strong character, but he is blind and later his fear of that becomes obvious. He is teaching the other main character, Kaylee, how to get through an enchanted forrest with dangers around every corner. I may not be in an enchanted forrest, but here in Morelia, i need to learn to face my fears.
Today the director of NOE, Brian Overcast, came to talk to me about going to the doctor. After we had that conversation we went on to talk about how i can adapt better to the culture. We talked about sleeping, what time i got to bed and what time i wake up; that will continue to change as i continue to get used to the time here. We talked about eating, even though that is a sensitive subject right now because i'm sick. Then we talked about the thing i have been DREADING!!! Going places by myself. Walking from one place to another without an escort, just me, myself, and i, walking down the streets of Morelia.
My face immediately changed when he said this. But then he said something to me that gave me a challenge that i cannot refuse. He said that even though i am 18, he heard that i was really mature for my age, and therefore here i am not going to be babied, i am going to be treated like an adult. That is what i want here. I don't want to be treated like some spoiled, "rich" girl from the states who needs help with everything, i want to be treated like a woman who is here to do work for the Glory of God.
I hadn't realized until that moment, how genuinely scared i was to go somewhere alone here. I mean i have said it to people here, because i am always asking someone to come get me, but until that moment, it hadn't really hit me that the fear was so deep within my heart. I wasn't initially scared. I knew that this is what God wanted me to do, and therefore i had no fear, but sadly, since getting here, that confidence has slowly escaped my body. It hasn't helped that a lot of people at home, jokingly, tell me not to get shot or kidnapped here. It does happen and every time i walk down the street, it seems like those scenarios become more and more real in my head.
That is the position i am in. I have taken it and was ready to spend my 6 months in Morelia never going anywhere by myself. Being consumed by the fear that my blonde hair and fair skin would make me too much of a target for it to be "safe" for me to go anywhere alone.
But God showed me today, that i can't do that. With fear in my heart, i cannot do the work that He has sent me here to do, for Him!!! 1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." I desire a perfect love for these people. I love them with all of my heart and hope that with God's help, that can continue to grow into a love that somehow resembles the perfect love he had for us, the love he showed when he died on a cross for all our sins. But in order to have that kind of love, i cannot have fear. My love for these kids, and my desire to be with them will help drive out the fear in my heart of going anywhere alone in Morelia.
Therefore i am facing my fears. It will be baby steps, starting with a walk to the store, then across the big freeway to someone's house, or NOE, but the process is going to begin. The fear is leaving my body, my heart, and my soul because i know God is with me here. I am never walking down the streets alone, he is surrounding me, at my right hand, and his angels are watching over me. "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. you will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; i will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91: 11-14.
Yes it will still be scary, or tense at times, but God will help me continue to lose this fear as my trust in him strengthens with every time i leave the house. I will learn to hold my ground until the last possible moment, because i have the ultimate protector by my side. "The lord is with me, i will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Psalm 118:6.
"Take my position."
"Face your fears."
"Face my fears."
"And hold your ground until the last POSSIBLE moment!"
This portion of dialogue is between my two favorite characters in one of my all-time favorite animated movies, Quest for Camelot. The first speaker is Garrett, a strong character, but he is blind and later his fear of that becomes obvious. He is teaching the other main character, Kaylee, how to get through an enchanted forrest with dangers around every corner. I may not be in an enchanted forrest, but here in Morelia, i need to learn to face my fears.
Today the director of NOE, Brian Overcast, came to talk to me about going to the doctor. After we had that conversation we went on to talk about how i can adapt better to the culture. We talked about sleeping, what time i got to bed and what time i wake up; that will continue to change as i continue to get used to the time here. We talked about eating, even though that is a sensitive subject right now because i'm sick. Then we talked about the thing i have been DREADING!!! Going places by myself. Walking from one place to another without an escort, just me, myself, and i, walking down the streets of Morelia.
My face immediately changed when he said this. But then he said something to me that gave me a challenge that i cannot refuse. He said that even though i am 18, he heard that i was really mature for my age, and therefore here i am not going to be babied, i am going to be treated like an adult. That is what i want here. I don't want to be treated like some spoiled, "rich" girl from the states who needs help with everything, i want to be treated like a woman who is here to do work for the Glory of God.
I hadn't realized until that moment, how genuinely scared i was to go somewhere alone here. I mean i have said it to people here, because i am always asking someone to come get me, but until that moment, it hadn't really hit me that the fear was so deep within my heart. I wasn't initially scared. I knew that this is what God wanted me to do, and therefore i had no fear, but sadly, since getting here, that confidence has slowly escaped my body. It hasn't helped that a lot of people at home, jokingly, tell me not to get shot or kidnapped here. It does happen and every time i walk down the street, it seems like those scenarios become more and more real in my head.
That is the position i am in. I have taken it and was ready to spend my 6 months in Morelia never going anywhere by myself. Being consumed by the fear that my blonde hair and fair skin would make me too much of a target for it to be "safe" for me to go anywhere alone.
But God showed me today, that i can't do that. With fear in my heart, i cannot do the work that He has sent me here to do, for Him!!! 1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." I desire a perfect love for these people. I love them with all of my heart and hope that with God's help, that can continue to grow into a love that somehow resembles the perfect love he had for us, the love he showed when he died on a cross for all our sins. But in order to have that kind of love, i cannot have fear. My love for these kids, and my desire to be with them will help drive out the fear in my heart of going anywhere alone in Morelia.
Therefore i am facing my fears. It will be baby steps, starting with a walk to the store, then across the big freeway to someone's house, or NOE, but the process is going to begin. The fear is leaving my body, my heart, and my soul because i know God is with me here. I am never walking down the streets alone, he is surrounding me, at my right hand, and his angels are watching over me. "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. you will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; i will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91: 11-14.
Yes it will still be scary, or tense at times, but God will help me continue to lose this fear as my trust in him strengthens with every time i leave the house. I will learn to hold my ground until the last possible moment, because i have the ultimate protector by my side. "The lord is with me, i will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Psalm 118:6.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The Struggle for Strength
I have always been stubborn, especially when it comes to being sick. I always say, "i'm not sick! I can do this or i can do that!" It's when i admit defeat that you know i am really sick. That is the way i am here in Mexico now. I am being stubborn, struggling not to accept the defeat that my body is telling me i must.
I have been stubborn in a similar way with God my entire life. I always try to do everything on my own because i am strong, i like to believe that i can do it without him. 2 years ago when i was overseas in Nepal, my team leader talked about verses in the Bible saying that God is strong in our weakness. This concept disturbed me. I had gone my whole life being the strong one, but now in order for God to be strong in my life i had to be weak??? I pleaded with God saying, "there must be another way. Can't i be strong too?" But he showed me in a very powerful way that HE was the one who was supposed to be strong. A little bit of cow manure from a field i was playing soccer in was kicked into my mouth. Within 2 hours i was in a bathroom pleading with God to help me. I was the weakest i have ever felt in my entire life.
God taught me so much in the few days i was in bed where all i could do was read my Bible, pray, and think. He taught me that being strong is a good thing, but that i can NEVER mistake His strength for my own. After those few days i had a much better understanding of what it meant to be weak in order for God to be strong. Here in Mexico i am feeling that same sensation.
My body is not reacting well to the food here. I am constantly in pain and constantly in the bathroom. I try to eat as bland of a diet as possible, but there are only limited amounts of bland food here where chile peppers are as common in a market as any other food.
But God is good and he is teaching me a lot through this experience. He is showing me that HIS power is ALL that matters!!! Last night was really bad. i was sick at midnight and while i tried to sleep my stomach decided to perform a contortionist routine, i finally fell asleep around 1:30 am. I awoke at 8 to pain, a severe need of the bathroom, and the severe desire not to do anything today. But i had promised the kids that i would go play basketball with them. I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to be able to go with them, and after almost an entire morning in the bathroom, when they came to get me, i felt well enough to go! God showered his grace on me and allowed me to be away from home for almost 3 hours without feeling sick!!!! When i wanted to use the bathroom before we left the place, there was no toilet paper, therefore i had to wait until we got back to my house. But God was good :)
At first last night i felt humiliated by what was happening in my body. I was angry at God and asked, "did you just bring me here to be in the bathroom???" But i am realizing that this is all just a part of the journey. No one said this was going to be easy!!! And while yes, it does suck, God is helping me get through it.
Every day, every hour, is a battle for me. A battle with my stomach, and a struggle for strength to push through whatever pain i am in. But i take heart in this:
GOD IS OUR REFUGE AND OUR STRENGTH, AN EVER-PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE.
Psalm 46:1
I have been stubborn in a similar way with God my entire life. I always try to do everything on my own because i am strong, i like to believe that i can do it without him. 2 years ago when i was overseas in Nepal, my team leader talked about verses in the Bible saying that God is strong in our weakness. This concept disturbed me. I had gone my whole life being the strong one, but now in order for God to be strong in my life i had to be weak??? I pleaded with God saying, "there must be another way. Can't i be strong too?" But he showed me in a very powerful way that HE was the one who was supposed to be strong. A little bit of cow manure from a field i was playing soccer in was kicked into my mouth. Within 2 hours i was in a bathroom pleading with God to help me. I was the weakest i have ever felt in my entire life.
God taught me so much in the few days i was in bed where all i could do was read my Bible, pray, and think. He taught me that being strong is a good thing, but that i can NEVER mistake His strength for my own. After those few days i had a much better understanding of what it meant to be weak in order for God to be strong. Here in Mexico i am feeling that same sensation.
My body is not reacting well to the food here. I am constantly in pain and constantly in the bathroom. I try to eat as bland of a diet as possible, but there are only limited amounts of bland food here where chile peppers are as common in a market as any other food.
But God is good and he is teaching me a lot through this experience. He is showing me that HIS power is ALL that matters!!! Last night was really bad. i was sick at midnight and while i tried to sleep my stomach decided to perform a contortionist routine, i finally fell asleep around 1:30 am. I awoke at 8 to pain, a severe need of the bathroom, and the severe desire not to do anything today. But i had promised the kids that i would go play basketball with them. I prayed and asked God to give me the strength to be able to go with them, and after almost an entire morning in the bathroom, when they came to get me, i felt well enough to go! God showered his grace on me and allowed me to be away from home for almost 3 hours without feeling sick!!!! When i wanted to use the bathroom before we left the place, there was no toilet paper, therefore i had to wait until we got back to my house. But God was good :)
At first last night i felt humiliated by what was happening in my body. I was angry at God and asked, "did you just bring me here to be in the bathroom???" But i am realizing that this is all just a part of the journey. No one said this was going to be easy!!! And while yes, it does suck, God is helping me get through it.
Every day, every hour, is a battle for me. A battle with my stomach, and a struggle for strength to push through whatever pain i am in. But i take heart in this:
GOD IS OUR REFUGE AND OUR STRENGTH, AN EVER-PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE.
Psalm 46:1
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Days Like Dreams
My life is so different here in Mexico, that it is hard to explain. Both the little and the big changes are making this trip both challenging and exciting, and i have only been here a week. I am excited to see how God continues to challenge me in the weeks and months to come.
It feels a lot like when i went to training camp before Nepal. There they told us that in order to be fully prepared for our trip, we had to give up comfort and control. Here it is the same, i am still giving up comfort and control, but in different ways than i did in that hay field 2 years ago.
Giving up the little things makes me less comfortable. I can't sing in the shower because if the water gets in my mouth, i will get even sicker. I can't put my clothes in the dryer because dryers don't exist here. I have to sleep with a fan because of the heat. And instead of searching for a quiet place where i can think and be alone, i am provided that at least half the day every day because my family is gone at school or work.
-- Not all of these things are bad!!! God is using them to stretch me, and i appreciate it. I realize that this trip is not going to be easy. A lot of my friends think i'm down here on vacation, HA!!! I AM having fun!!! Don't get me wrong!!! I am having the time of my life, but i must constantly pray and ask God for strength that the little things don't build up to the point that i crack.
The big things are an even harder challenge, but at the same time the most emotionally and spiritually rewarding. One big thing is that i am CONSTANTLY surrounded by people that genuinely care!!! At home i have my family and close friends, but here, when i'm sick, people i barely know are doing everything possible to make me comfortable!!! It is such a blessing that i am constantly fighting back tears of gratitude. The biggest thing however, i have not yet decided if it is a blessing or a curse. The biggest thing is the cultural independence from time. My days feel like dreams because i wake up at a different time than at home, eat at a different time than at home, and in between, never know what time it is!!! Here, if you want to know the time you had better have a cell phone because i still have yet to see a clock out in public. These people go about their day using their routine as their time. If they are late, it doesn't matter, and if they are early, it's weird. This is hard for me to grasp because since NOE is on vacation...i have no routine! My plans are made moment by moment. Those of you that know me know that i thrive on structure and order. I need to know where to be, at what time, and then i do it. Here that is impossible. One, because i always have an escort to wherever i am going, so if the escort is late, i am late. And two, because i am usually informed of a plan at the last minute and often have little time to prepare.
-- I realize that this is all a test from God. It is showing me that even though i think i have control over what i do day to day, i really don't!!! He controls every day, every hour, every second, and i am but the character he chose to live this life. Therefore i am choosing to live it to the fullest!!! To embrace this crazy new life that is before me and to go into it full throttle, knowing that God knows what is going to happen, and that is all that matters.
It feels a lot like when i went to training camp before Nepal. There they told us that in order to be fully prepared for our trip, we had to give up comfort and control. Here it is the same, i am still giving up comfort and control, but in different ways than i did in that hay field 2 years ago.
Giving up the little things makes me less comfortable. I can't sing in the shower because if the water gets in my mouth, i will get even sicker. I can't put my clothes in the dryer because dryers don't exist here. I have to sleep with a fan because of the heat. And instead of searching for a quiet place where i can think and be alone, i am provided that at least half the day every day because my family is gone at school or work.
-- Not all of these things are bad!!! God is using them to stretch me, and i appreciate it. I realize that this trip is not going to be easy. A lot of my friends think i'm down here on vacation, HA!!! I AM having fun!!! Don't get me wrong!!! I am having the time of my life, but i must constantly pray and ask God for strength that the little things don't build up to the point that i crack.
The big things are an even harder challenge, but at the same time the most emotionally and spiritually rewarding. One big thing is that i am CONSTANTLY surrounded by people that genuinely care!!! At home i have my family and close friends, but here, when i'm sick, people i barely know are doing everything possible to make me comfortable!!! It is such a blessing that i am constantly fighting back tears of gratitude. The biggest thing however, i have not yet decided if it is a blessing or a curse. The biggest thing is the cultural independence from time. My days feel like dreams because i wake up at a different time than at home, eat at a different time than at home, and in between, never know what time it is!!! Here, if you want to know the time you had better have a cell phone because i still have yet to see a clock out in public. These people go about their day using their routine as their time. If they are late, it doesn't matter, and if they are early, it's weird. This is hard for me to grasp because since NOE is on vacation...i have no routine! My plans are made moment by moment. Those of you that know me know that i thrive on structure and order. I need to know where to be, at what time, and then i do it. Here that is impossible. One, because i always have an escort to wherever i am going, so if the escort is late, i am late. And two, because i am usually informed of a plan at the last minute and often have little time to prepare.
-- I realize that this is all a test from God. It is showing me that even though i think i have control over what i do day to day, i really don't!!! He controls every day, every hour, every second, and i am but the character he chose to live this life. Therefore i am choosing to live it to the fullest!!! To embrace this crazy new life that is before me and to go into it full throttle, knowing that God knows what is going to happen, and that is all that matters.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Learning Patience
Those of you that know me well know that i am NOT a patient person. At school, at home, in my sports, in any and every aspect of my life it is a challenge for me to be patient. Sadly here, a lack of patience in certain areas can be a bad thing, and now i am suffering. I am alluding to the food. Mexican food is God's gift to man...an array of flavors and textures that cannot be duplicated. However, since my body isn't used to it...it doesn't really want to keep it in my system.
Yes you guessed it, i'm sick.
It's not as bad as it could be, but i am definitely incapacitated at the moment. The dreadful devil that caused this sickness was CHILES!!! The sad part is that i have a weakness for them!!! On past trips to Mexico i have been teased because even though i look American, my mouth is DEFINITELY Mexican, meaning that spicy things don't phase me. It takes a serious amount of heat to make me cry, but i will still eat it. In a weird way, the pain and the adrenaline is what makes eating them fun.
If i had patience, i wouldn't be sick right now. Patience would have kept me eating simple tortillas, quesadillas, and bread for a few more days to give my stomach more of a foundation before embarking on the chile experience. But sadly, my lack of patience resulted in me giving in to both the red AND the green chile monsters yesterday. My fault, therefore i pay the consequence. I chose to put chile on my vasoloté (corn and mayonaise) and i chose to put chile verdé on my quesadillas. It was sooooo good, but now i'm sorry i did it.
However, despite the discomfort, i have a very surprising positive outlook on the situation. I see the sickness as a cleansing of my body and a cleansing of my behavior. I need to learn patience, and this practical way is a good starting point. It won't happen over night, but it is something i am determined to work on and pray about while i am here.
The Bible says to "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12. This verse is the exact kind of thing i need right now. The "joyful in hope" part is taken care of. I am so happy to be here and so hopeful about what God is going to do through me that i feel like i am going to explode!!! The "faithful in prayer" part is also going really well. Since my experiences on the planes coming here, prayer has been an even bigger part of my daily life than it was before. The "patient in affliction" part is what i am asking for prayer for. I am definitely afflicted right now and i need patience in order to get through it.
Thank you so much for all your prayers!!!
Yes you guessed it, i'm sick.
It's not as bad as it could be, but i am definitely incapacitated at the moment. The dreadful devil that caused this sickness was CHILES!!! The sad part is that i have a weakness for them!!! On past trips to Mexico i have been teased because even though i look American, my mouth is DEFINITELY Mexican, meaning that spicy things don't phase me. It takes a serious amount of heat to make me cry, but i will still eat it. In a weird way, the pain and the adrenaline is what makes eating them fun.
If i had patience, i wouldn't be sick right now. Patience would have kept me eating simple tortillas, quesadillas, and bread for a few more days to give my stomach more of a foundation before embarking on the chile experience. But sadly, my lack of patience resulted in me giving in to both the red AND the green chile monsters yesterday. My fault, therefore i pay the consequence. I chose to put chile on my vasoloté (corn and mayonaise) and i chose to put chile verdé on my quesadillas. It was sooooo good, but now i'm sorry i did it.
However, despite the discomfort, i have a very surprising positive outlook on the situation. I see the sickness as a cleansing of my body and a cleansing of my behavior. I need to learn patience, and this practical way is a good starting point. It won't happen over night, but it is something i am determined to work on and pray about while i am here.
The Bible says to "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12. This verse is the exact kind of thing i need right now. The "joyful in hope" part is taken care of. I am so happy to be here and so hopeful about what God is going to do through me that i feel like i am going to explode!!! The "faithful in prayer" part is also going really well. Since my experiences on the planes coming here, prayer has been an even bigger part of my daily life than it was before. The "patient in affliction" part is what i am asking for prayer for. I am definitely afflicted right now and i need patience in order to get through it.
Thank you so much for all your prayers!!!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Sticking Out Like a Sore Thumb for Christ
And so it begins.
This is my first experience of doing ministry in a foreign country by myself. In the past we have come to Mexico in a group, and i went to Nepal in a group. When a group of 30 or 40 Americans walks through a country where white skin is uncommon, the comments are directed toward the whole group. However, when i am the only white skinned, blonde haired, "gringa" walking the streets of Morelia, i know all the comments are for me. The thing that makes it harder is i understand most of what they are saying. For example. I went to my "twin's" house a few days ago. His grandmother has seen me on skype, but that is when i am sitting down. When she met me in person, she said in spanish, "nice to meet you! you are enormous!!!" as she gave me a hug and then walked away. I didn't take offense, i am almost a foot taller than the average Mexican woman and a little taller than the average Mexican man. Hey at least it's not as bad as Nepal where i only met one person taller than me and then the next tallest person was at my shoulder!!!!!
In the combi (public transportation) yesterday i had my arm out the window. A man on the seat across from Erick told him to tell me to put my arm inside or i was going to burn. Erick told me and i told him it was okay. The man then made some rude comments about me being a stupid gringa and about how i shouldn't be in Mexico. I understood what he said, but didn't let on. I even fooled Luis and Erick because they told me after we got off what the guy said, and i responded, "i know, it's okay." I would normally be really upset, but God is helping me see these situations in a new light.
Back in the states, i'm also self conscious about my height and size. I especially am uncomfortable around really short people because I feel like the weird one. I must admit i often retaliate when my friends make a comment about my height, and the retaliation is not always good. i have been praying about how to deal with it differently here though, and to learn ways to deal with it when i come back home. God has helped me figure out how and i will share it with all of you.
He brought to my mind people in the Bible that were noticed for something physical, and God used them in a miraculous way. Por ejemplo (for example) Zaccheus! He was noticed because he was a "wee little man" and also a mean tax collector, but God used him to show Jesus's love for all people, even tax collectors, and Jesus's love changed Zaccheus' life!!! When someone is staring because of my height, i am going to smile and show God's love rather than retaliating. Esther also came to mind. She was noticed for her beauty and ended up being able to use that, along with faith in God, to save her people!!! I get whistled at a lot in the street because i have an American body and blonde hair. I get noticed, but i am going to use that to my advantage. I stick out like a sore thumb at NOE, but that makes it easier to set an example and to show the love of God to these incredible kids!
I feel like God is going to use me in incredible ways here, and part of that is going to happen because i am different. When we were in Nepal the kids would ask why we had traveled so far, away from our homes, just to talk to them? We responded by sharing the love of Jesus with each and every one of them. I'm only 2000 miles away from home this time, but the concept still remains. I am here to share the love of God with theses kids, with every strand of blonde hair and cell of white skin i posses!!!
This is my first experience of doing ministry in a foreign country by myself. In the past we have come to Mexico in a group, and i went to Nepal in a group. When a group of 30 or 40 Americans walks through a country where white skin is uncommon, the comments are directed toward the whole group. However, when i am the only white skinned, blonde haired, "gringa" walking the streets of Morelia, i know all the comments are for me. The thing that makes it harder is i understand most of what they are saying. For example. I went to my "twin's" house a few days ago. His grandmother has seen me on skype, but that is when i am sitting down. When she met me in person, she said in spanish, "nice to meet you! you are enormous!!!" as she gave me a hug and then walked away. I didn't take offense, i am almost a foot taller than the average Mexican woman and a little taller than the average Mexican man. Hey at least it's not as bad as Nepal where i only met one person taller than me and then the next tallest person was at my shoulder!!!!!
In the combi (public transportation) yesterday i had my arm out the window. A man on the seat across from Erick told him to tell me to put my arm inside or i was going to burn. Erick told me and i told him it was okay. The man then made some rude comments about me being a stupid gringa and about how i shouldn't be in Mexico. I understood what he said, but didn't let on. I even fooled Luis and Erick because they told me after we got off what the guy said, and i responded, "i know, it's okay." I would normally be really upset, but God is helping me see these situations in a new light.
Back in the states, i'm also self conscious about my height and size. I especially am uncomfortable around really short people because I feel like the weird one. I must admit i often retaliate when my friends make a comment about my height, and the retaliation is not always good. i have been praying about how to deal with it differently here though, and to learn ways to deal with it when i come back home. God has helped me figure out how and i will share it with all of you.
He brought to my mind people in the Bible that were noticed for something physical, and God used them in a miraculous way. Por ejemplo (for example) Zaccheus! He was noticed because he was a "wee little man" and also a mean tax collector, but God used him to show Jesus's love for all people, even tax collectors, and Jesus's love changed Zaccheus' life!!! When someone is staring because of my height, i am going to smile and show God's love rather than retaliating. Esther also came to mind. She was noticed for her beauty and ended up being able to use that, along with faith in God, to save her people!!! I get whistled at a lot in the street because i have an American body and blonde hair. I get noticed, but i am going to use that to my advantage. I stick out like a sore thumb at NOE, but that makes it easier to set an example and to show the love of God to these incredible kids!
I feel like God is going to use me in incredible ways here, and part of that is going to happen because i am different. When we were in Nepal the kids would ask why we had traveled so far, away from our homes, just to talk to them? We responded by sharing the love of Jesus with each and every one of them. I'm only 2000 miles away from home this time, but the concept still remains. I am here to share the love of God with theses kids, with every strand of blonde hair and cell of white skin i posses!!!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The Light in the Darkness
*Fair warning to the squeamish, this post has contains several stories of throwing up because the power of the story wouldn't be present if they were left out. So i apologize, but i am putting it in!
Ah travel day...
For anyone that doesn't know...i am a horrible flyer!!! In order to not get super sick i need to have medication in me and a relief bracelet on sending shocks into my arm. But yesterday...i had neither of those things. During my goodbyes at the airport i took the medicine, but my stomach couldn't hold it down so i ended up throwing it up 10 seconds after i took it. I was really nervous. After many tearful goodbyes, we got through security with only 2 minor problems and got to our gate. The dream team kids waited with me until the very end to get on the plane because they could see how sick i was. They are so sweet!!! We got on the plane and i began putting on my relief bracelet...only to find out it wasn't working!!! For the 10 minutes we taxied around getting ready to take off i was frantically changing batteries, pushing buttons, and panicking...but to no avail.
At that moment i was praying with all my heart, "Lord' i am trusting you completely now...because i have nothing." And that is when it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! God was showing me that i needed to trust HIM with my discomfort of travel rather than relief bracelets and medicine. I had been saying that i was trusting him, but in all honesty i was trusting man-made thins that i thought were god-given to me. I needed to put my trust ENTIRELY in him!!! That prayer, and many others apologizing for my lack of faith were running through my head the entire fight. I still threw up twice, but i felt the presence of God around me and actually smiled as i was doing it. The flight attendant who was really nice to me, Rob, thought i was crazy because i was smiling.
We got in to the Dallas airport after a VERY bumpy landing and had a 4 hour layover there. I read letters people had given me and cried with and talked to one of the students while all the rest went to get food. When all the kids got back, we talked, played games, and listened to music. Suddenly a man was behind us asking, "What city are all of you flying to?" We all smiled and said, "Morelia!" Then he said, "well you better hurry because they just did a final boarding call for that flight!!" We ran so fast i forgot one of my bags and one of the kids had to grab it for me. We all got on the plane though! But as soon as i stepped in, the fear set in like nothing i have ever felt!!! I realized we were riding an airbus (a plane where there is 1 seat on one side of the aisle, and 2 on the other, in other words, you feel every little bump)!!! My mind raced back to the last time i was on an airbus...i was on that plane for 45 minutes and threw up 8 times. When i found out our flight was 2 hours and 15 minutes, it was all i could do not to burst into tears!!! And when the captain announced that the last hour of the flight was going to be really bumpy, i did shed a few tears.
But as i was, i felt the presence of God around me. I have NEVER had a more comfortable take off!!! I could feel God's hand under the plane. God also blessed me with the ability to fill out the necessary forms for my visa (i can't read in anything that is moving or i will get sick) and he allowed me to feel well enough to get up and go to the bathroom! I was praising him through the entire flight!!! When the turbulence hit, my prayers were flying faster than the plane, but then i saw the light, the light amidst the dark clouds that were causing all the turbulence. I saw out my window the most BEAUTIFUL sunset i have ever seen!!! God was showing me that everything was going to be alright, and i burst into tears!! When i was able to see the city, lit beautifully in the dark, i started to cry again. We got to the ground in a very bumpy landing, but i barely felt it because i was too busy feeling God hold me tighter than i have ever felt him hold before. Thanks to God and his mercy and power, i made it through the flight without throwing up! When we got off the plane, the kids were asking me if i was okay because they claimed the plane had practically been vertical at one point! And i said yes because i had barely felt anything!!! It was incredible!!!!!
We got into the airport and through the line to get our visas very quickly. I was even awake enough to speak entirely in spanish to the guy who was giving it to me!!! My next prayer was that when i turned the corner i would see all my luggage...AND I DID!!! Both pieces were there and didn't have a scratch on them!!! Another praise!!! The next prayer was that i would get through with a green button so they wouldn't have to search through every inch of my very carefully packed bags. I saw everyone waiting for me...and i got completely distracted. The guy had to tell me three times to push the button because i was too busy being shocked at the number of people that were there to greet us! In the excitement i also made the mistake of telling him i was "solo" instead of "con grupo" that had already made it through. But i pushed the button and it....WAS GREEN!!! I got through, and spent the next 30 minutes in a blurr of hugs and greetings!!!! All those smiling faces were my light at the end of a day of darkness. Their smiles and words of welcome made everything horrible that had just happened to me melt away in an instant!!! None of them will ever be able to comprehend how much that meant to me!
I got to my house, unpacked despite torrential rain and a thunderstorm that caused blackouts throughout the evening. God's power illustrated through the skies once again!
I am feeling really overwhelmed right now.I left home yesterday morning and many people that i love, but also came home to many people i love last night! It will take a while to process, but God is good and will help me do it in his time!
Ah travel day...
For anyone that doesn't know...i am a horrible flyer!!! In order to not get super sick i need to have medication in me and a relief bracelet on sending shocks into my arm. But yesterday...i had neither of those things. During my goodbyes at the airport i took the medicine, but my stomach couldn't hold it down so i ended up throwing it up 10 seconds after i took it. I was really nervous. After many tearful goodbyes, we got through security with only 2 minor problems and got to our gate. The dream team kids waited with me until the very end to get on the plane because they could see how sick i was. They are so sweet!!! We got on the plane and i began putting on my relief bracelet...only to find out it wasn't working!!! For the 10 minutes we taxied around getting ready to take off i was frantically changing batteries, pushing buttons, and panicking...but to no avail.
At that moment i was praying with all my heart, "Lord' i am trusting you completely now...because i have nothing." And that is when it hit me like a ton of bricks!!! God was showing me that i needed to trust HIM with my discomfort of travel rather than relief bracelets and medicine. I had been saying that i was trusting him, but in all honesty i was trusting man-made thins that i thought were god-given to me. I needed to put my trust ENTIRELY in him!!! That prayer, and many others apologizing for my lack of faith were running through my head the entire fight. I still threw up twice, but i felt the presence of God around me and actually smiled as i was doing it. The flight attendant who was really nice to me, Rob, thought i was crazy because i was smiling.
We got in to the Dallas airport after a VERY bumpy landing and had a 4 hour layover there. I read letters people had given me and cried with and talked to one of the students while all the rest went to get food. When all the kids got back, we talked, played games, and listened to music. Suddenly a man was behind us asking, "What city are all of you flying to?" We all smiled and said, "Morelia!" Then he said, "well you better hurry because they just did a final boarding call for that flight!!" We ran so fast i forgot one of my bags and one of the kids had to grab it for me. We all got on the plane though! But as soon as i stepped in, the fear set in like nothing i have ever felt!!! I realized we were riding an airbus (a plane where there is 1 seat on one side of the aisle, and 2 on the other, in other words, you feel every little bump)!!! My mind raced back to the last time i was on an airbus...i was on that plane for 45 minutes and threw up 8 times. When i found out our flight was 2 hours and 15 minutes, it was all i could do not to burst into tears!!! And when the captain announced that the last hour of the flight was going to be really bumpy, i did shed a few tears.
But as i was, i felt the presence of God around me. I have NEVER had a more comfortable take off!!! I could feel God's hand under the plane. God also blessed me with the ability to fill out the necessary forms for my visa (i can't read in anything that is moving or i will get sick) and he allowed me to feel well enough to get up and go to the bathroom! I was praising him through the entire flight!!! When the turbulence hit, my prayers were flying faster than the plane, but then i saw the light, the light amidst the dark clouds that were causing all the turbulence. I saw out my window the most BEAUTIFUL sunset i have ever seen!!! God was showing me that everything was going to be alright, and i burst into tears!! When i was able to see the city, lit beautifully in the dark, i started to cry again. We got to the ground in a very bumpy landing, but i barely felt it because i was too busy feeling God hold me tighter than i have ever felt him hold before. Thanks to God and his mercy and power, i made it through the flight without throwing up! When we got off the plane, the kids were asking me if i was okay because they claimed the plane had practically been vertical at one point! And i said yes because i had barely felt anything!!! It was incredible!!!!!
We got into the airport and through the line to get our visas very quickly. I was even awake enough to speak entirely in spanish to the guy who was giving it to me!!! My next prayer was that when i turned the corner i would see all my luggage...AND I DID!!! Both pieces were there and didn't have a scratch on them!!! Another praise!!! The next prayer was that i would get through with a green button so they wouldn't have to search through every inch of my very carefully packed bags. I saw everyone waiting for me...and i got completely distracted. The guy had to tell me three times to push the button because i was too busy being shocked at the number of people that were there to greet us! In the excitement i also made the mistake of telling him i was "solo" instead of "con grupo" that had already made it through. But i pushed the button and it....WAS GREEN!!! I got through, and spent the next 30 minutes in a blurr of hugs and greetings!!!! All those smiling faces were my light at the end of a day of darkness. Their smiles and words of welcome made everything horrible that had just happened to me melt away in an instant!!! None of them will ever be able to comprehend how much that meant to me!
I got to my house, unpacked despite torrential rain and a thunderstorm that caused blackouts throughout the evening. God's power illustrated through the skies once again!
I am feeling really overwhelmed right now.I left home yesterday morning and many people that i love, but also came home to many people i love last night! It will take a while to process, but God is good and will help me do it in his time!
Monday, August 8, 2011
From Home to Home
The feeling going through my head and my heart right now is one of the weirdest that i have ever experienced.
On the one hand i am sad to leave. Sad to be saying goodbye to the people who have helped shape who i am, the people i love, and the people i have spent my life with. This is the longest, by far, that i have ever been away from home, so it will be really hard to leave.
But at the same time...i'm not really leaving home, because my home is in Mexico as well. I have people i carer about deeply there as well, and i have many people there who i consider family. So i am happy to be reunited with them.
I'm sure it will take quite a while to digest everything that i am feeling. The 6 hours i am going to be spending on a plane in a few hours should be a good time. I hate flying, i always have. I'm not scared, i just get sick, and i hate that. I', trusting God to hold the plane and hold me as well as all the kids on the dream team that i am flying with. But i am actually, believe it or not, feeling really good about this flight. God got me through 17 hours of flight when i went to Nepal, and he can get me through this and anything else.
I feel like i'm in limbo right now. i want to be in Mexico OR at home, not in this weird state of mind where i am letting go of Portland while grabbing on to Mexico at the same time. But only a few more hours, and i will fly out of limbo and into my beautiful Morelia!!!
On the one hand i am sad to leave. Sad to be saying goodbye to the people who have helped shape who i am, the people i love, and the people i have spent my life with. This is the longest, by far, that i have ever been away from home, so it will be really hard to leave.
But at the same time...i'm not really leaving home, because my home is in Mexico as well. I have people i carer about deeply there as well, and i have many people there who i consider family. So i am happy to be reunited with them.
I'm sure it will take quite a while to digest everything that i am feeling. The 6 hours i am going to be spending on a plane in a few hours should be a good time. I hate flying, i always have. I'm not scared, i just get sick, and i hate that. I', trusting God to hold the plane and hold me as well as all the kids on the dream team that i am flying with. But i am actually, believe it or not, feeling really good about this flight. God got me through 17 hours of flight when i went to Nepal, and he can get me through this and anything else.
I feel like i'm in limbo right now. i want to be in Mexico OR at home, not in this weird state of mind where i am letting go of Portland while grabbing on to Mexico at the same time. But only a few more hours, and i will fly out of limbo and into my beautiful Morelia!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)