Right Where I Belong...

          As I sit here in the airport getting ready to fly home for the summer, I can’t help but be in awe of everything that the Lord has done for me in these last several weeks.  Since most of you haven’t heard, I’ll have to catch you up.

          First of all, I have officially survived my first year of graduate school, and to top that off, I finished this semester with a 4.0!  I am so thankful that this semester was easier than the last one, and of course thankful to the Lord for helping me to keep my sanity every step of the way.  But I must admit, even though I love school, I am anxious to get home and relax for a while before coming back to Greenville to tackle my second (and hopefully final) full year.

          Secondly, the Stuarts have a new puppy!  Not many of you know, but my parents had to put Kida down suddenly in February when she had a sudden onset of cancer.  As you can imagine, this was an extremely difficult time for our whole family.  Kida had been such a light in our lives and at first I didn’t think it was fair that she had been taken from us so soon and unexpectedly.  But my family was able to help me see the situation in a different light.  We realized that Kida was given to me as a gift; each of us had a different way of coping with what happened to our family a few years ago, and Kida was how I got through it.  So my family said that since it was time for her to leave us, that meant that I had healed from the experience and was back to where I needed to be emotionally.  I definitely agreed with this conclusion; thanks to the Lord’s faithfulness and patience with me, I am in a better place emotionally and spiritually than I have been in a very long time.   Based on this, I understood that it was time for that fluffy angel to be taken from my life, and for me to continue on, being stronger for having her with me the for the time that I did.  Kida will always be a part of my life, and not having her at home to greet me will be really difficult, but it will be made easier by the presence of sweet little Breeze.

          Thirdly, and most importantly, these last few weeks have been filled with accomplishments within my program.  I went to an awards ceremony to accept the two scholarships I was awarded this semester, both of which will help pay for the school year next year since my remission will most likely not be renewed.  I also completed my scientific diving certification, which involved 16 dives in a quarry in North Carolina as well as two dives on the shipwreck Indra on the North Carolina coast.  The quarry dives tested all the skills we learned in our scientific diving course.  I performed very well for the majority of the tasks and was amazing my colleagues and instructors with my resilience to the “cold water” in the quarry.  Considering that the water was in the low 60s, the warmest I have ever been diving in, I was in heaven, swimming around in just a partial wetsuit and eventually just a swimsuit with my thin rashguard on top.

          It’s so funny to me that I am such an enigma to people here, but it further proves that I am in the right field of study.  This hot-bloodedness that has been the bane of my existence my entire life, is now proving to be what sets me apart from my colleagues.  This was further proven during our time in Sheboygan, Wisconsin these last few weeks for field school.  We all had a great time working on the Atlanta shipwreck, in spite of the many challenges we faced from the elements as well as sickness and ear infections amongst our team.  The weather was nice, but the water was hard for most of my teammates to handle considering the warmest it got was a whopping 53 degrees.  However, my diving in the Northwest prepared me and I was completing almost 90 minute dives, extending my work time significantly.  I was quite proud of all that I learned and accomplished while in Wisconsin and so proud of our team for battling through and finishing the job we were given.  As a result of hundreds of hours of work, we now have a beautiful scaled drawing of the Atlanta that will be added to a thesis as well as a site report, not to mention all the information we gathered and skills we acquired during our time there.

          In addition to all of this, I have also changed my apartment location and now live in a house with the intern for Campus Christian Fellowship and some of the other students involved in the ministry.  I am so excited to be living with these amazing people and even more excited to see what God has in store for all of us this next school year.

          So that, in a blog-size nutshell, is what has been going on in my life the last couple months.  I have learned and done so much this last year it is absolutely crazy!  This trip home and the rest and relaxation that will come with it has been much anticipated and I can’t believe I’m within 12 hours of being back in Portland!  Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this summer as I conduct thesis research and prepare for a very busy second year of graduate school.  Thanks everyone!!!

Much Needed Rejuvination

        These last few days have been an absolute blur.  Holiday parties and festivities and countless hours of homework and assignments in between; it's been so crazy I couldn't have told you what day it was when I woke up this morning.  But, by the grace of God and by about a hundred tiny miracles, I have made it to the end of my first semester of grad school.  After I finish my last paper tomorrow, all that is left standing between me and the plane ride home is a presentation and an optional final exam.
        It is so crazy to think that in the moment all of this seems so important.  When I'm in the middle of it, school is the only thing on my mind.  And, up until this evening I really hadn't noticed how physically exhausted I am from the last few weeks.  So this is when I dig.  I dig my heels into the ground, tie my hair back, and finish the semester with all the strength I possess so I can go home to the people I love.  I have never been a person to give up, and so this is the type of moment that I thank God for making me as strong as I am because I know I can make it through this!

Please keep me in your prayers the next few days. A few things in particular:
 *My sanity and health
 *Finishing my paper to the best of my ability and having my grades reflect that effort.
 *And finally safe and punctual travels on Wednesday.  If all goes according to plan I should leave Greenville by noon and be in Portland by nine that night, so please join me in praying that that schedule stays true to my itinerary and nothing goes wrong with any of my flights.
     
        I am pleased to say that within 48 hours I will be able to say, as it does in 2 Timothy, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."  And to add my own additional bit to that, "I'm coming HOME!"

Learning to Call NC Home

I'm back!!! I can't believe it's been three and a half years since I last wrote an entry on here!  I'm still keeping the name though because it translates to "the desires of my heart," and now I just get to write about a different desire of my heart that has been fulfilled.

For anyone who needs an update, I was accepted into the Maritime Studies graduate program at East Carolina University so almost two months ago I packed up my life and moved from Portland, OR to Greenville, NC (which Google has officially calculated as being a 2,949.5 mi. move).  North Carolina could not be more different from Oregon, but I am slowly but surely learning how to call this new and strange place home.

This last week has been especially rough on me.  Between the shooting in Oregon, the fact that the NOE kids were in Portland running and I couldn't be there, and all the flooding and fear going on here and in South Carolina it has just been an emotional time.  Praise God that Greenville was not hit nearly as hard by Joaquin as we were supposed to be, but several other areas have had devastating damage so I ask your prayers for the family and friends of many of my friends here who now have to deal with the water damage from flooding.

I have, however, been able to take hope in the Lord, knowing full well that he would not have brought me here if I wasn't prepared for the challenge he set before me.  He gives me daily hope, reassurance, and strength, proving to me each and every day, in large ways and small, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be!  The following are lists of praises and prayer requests, I want to keep you all updated so I promise that I will do my best to make these blogs a more consistent occurrence now that I have developed more of a set schedule.

I love you all!!! Sophie

Some praises:
*I have connected well with the staff and students of Campus Christian Fellowship and I am beyond grateful to have them as a refuge of faith and security in this new and strange place.
*My roommates are both amazing and the three of us get along really well which makes life outside of school a lot easier than I thought it was going to be.
*The Lord has given me countless opportunities to expand socially, as well as the courage to seize those opportunities and as a result I have gained more acquaintances and friends in the almost two months I have been here than I did in my two years at Portland State.
*My scientific diving class is going extremely well, and my insecurities of being one of the more in-experienced divers in my program are melting away as I realize that I can and have passed each challenge that has been thrown at me.
*It's raining and, I HOPE, the humidity is finally going away!

Some prayer requests:
*While the people in my program are nice, I live a very different lifestyle and have very different morals, not to mention what I am learning in my classes about theory and human evolution goes against everything I believe as a Christian.  I ask for prayer for strength in my faith and for God to give me patience with my colleagues because I am going to be working with them, possibly, for the rest of my life.
*I spend a lot of time with the Campus minister for CCF, his wife, and two small children.  Their son Hudson is about a year and a half old and has Cystic Fibrosis so i ask you to keep him, his health, and his family in your prayers.
*I have a 20ish page midterm due on Thursday which is mentally and physically draining me.

One Week Left (Just plain One Week Left, no exclamation points, but no sad faces either)

At this time in exactly a week i will be in the Dallas airport, probably crying, waiting for my plane to take me the short 3 and a half hours back home, back to Portland. (Man that's so weird to think about!!!)

Since i officially only have a week left, i think it's time to do some reflecting. By that, i mean willing reflection, because i have been doing it unwillingly for the last two weeks. Sleep has become something less and less known to me because i have so much swimming around in my head at night, i can't stop it to go to sleep!!! So many memories, so many faces, so many lessons, so much pain, and so much joy, NO WONDER i'm only getting 5 to 6 hours a night, and that's on a GOOD night. (The heat is also a MAJOR factor in this as well.)

I'm thinking a lot about both the big and the little things, but obviously the big more than the little.

I constantly think about the fact that I am forgetting things about home:

*What the voices of my friends sound like

*What it feels like to drive

*Details about my house

*The sound of my dogs barking or my chickens laying an egg in the morning

I’ve been thinking a lot about everything I’ve missed:

*Family birthdays and holidays

*Big Firsts like my Katie’s first day of college, Livy’s first water polo game, or Ari’s first high school play

*Family dinners where i have to raise my hand to get a word in edge-wise

*I’ve missed so much of the lives of my family and friends and I can’t ever get it back.....

I’ve been thinking about all the lessons I’ve learned:

*God FINALLY got it burned into my head that I am WEAK without him!!!!

*I’ve learned the hard way that I can’t do ANYTHING without God

*I’ve learned how to love people in ways I never before thought possible

*Thanks to the INCREDIBLE church I attend here, I have learned how exciting and breath-taking a TRUE relationship with Christ can be!!!

*I’ve learned so much about myself, and it’s all still so fresh in my head, I can’t even find the words to put it down on paper!!!

I’ve been thinking soooooooo much about all the INCREDIBLE people God has blessed my life here with. The family i live with, the family i spend most of my time with, and the family i have built with the AMAZING friends i have here!!!!!!!!!!!!

And i have also been thinking about the little things that i am going to miss so much. All the inside jokes that no one at home will understand, all the little accomplishments, all the little things i’m not going to have when i go home.

1. (I have to brag a little, sorry) BUT I HAVE OFFICIALLY GONE MY WHOLE TIME HERE WITHOUT ONCE PUTTING THE TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET!!!!!!! WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!
2. The laughs of my friends here that send me into a fit of hysteric laughter myself that I won’t hear again for who knows how long
3. The sounds in the streets that have become part of life, like the annoying garbage bell, and the never ending gas song
4. The feeling of waking up every morning knowing that i get to go to work in a place that God is BLESSING!!!
5. All the INCREDIBLE DELICIOUS food that has almost killed me so many times but that i am still going to miss
6. All the random, unexpected, often awkward or disturbing, conversations and moments with my friends

Also, i have been thinking about the little things here that i am NOT going to miss!!!!!:

1. Not being able to walk anywhere without someone whistling, staring, or making a vulgar remark about my hair, skin, or body.
2. MEXICAN TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. Not having a dryer
4. Not being able to put the toilet paper in the toilet!!!

and many other little things

Truth is, right now, i don’t know what to do. I don’t whether to be happy or sad, to cry because i’m heartbroken or to cry for joy, to hold on to the people here until i can’t any longer, or to think about all the people i will get to hold on to for the first time in so long.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But i do know how to go about doing whatever it is that i decide to do this last week, have God with me in everything i do!!!!!! He is the only one who can get me through this time of grief that masks joy. All my trust is in him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It All Just.....Clicked!!!!!

To start off this monumental blog, i need to make a confession. I have changed a lot here in Mexico, and frankly i was very scared and worried about coming home as this new person.

I was afraid it would be hard for my friends to get used to this new me. I was afraid that the changes i want to make in my relationships with my sisters would shock them. I was afraid that the amount of maturity i have gained here would make it difficult for me to be around people my own age. I was afraid that no one would understand exactly what i have been through in these last 8 months, and so i would be very alone.

But all those fears are gone now.

I have been praying now, for several weeks, as my time of departure draws closer and closer by the minute that God would give me peace about going home. That he would give me some sort of sign that it was alright, because up until Sunday morning, i still felt like i wasn't supposed to go home yet. I was really sad about leaving and crying out to God for some form of comfort, something to show me that it was going to be alright. I got that comfort in church on Sunday morning during the sermon.

Pastor Andres, an incredibly gifted preacher who has figured out how to almost bring me to tears in one way or another almost every week, started the sermon speaking about children finding their own feet, so to speak, in religion, rather than following those of their parents. He talked about making religion your own instead of just accepting the faith of your parents but not REALLY believing. I was prepared for this to be another one of "these kind" of sermons, i have heard them all my life, and finally started listening 3 years ago in Nepal. It was there that i made a commitment to God that my relationship with him was mine, and not just a copy of my parents' relationship with him. But then Andres took the sermon in a whole different direction that blew my mind forwards, backwards, to both sides, AND upside down!!!!!

He began by talking about Joseph and what the Bible says about his life. He used verses to show that a lot of the things that happened to Joseph when he was young, he perceived as giving the glory to himself. He thought he could do everything by himself, and God was waiting for the day when he would break and say, "I can't do this anymore, i need help!!!" That day, obviously, came when he was sold by his brother and taken to egypt. Andres used Genesis 39 to talk about how Joseph worked in Potapher's house and because GOD WAS WITH HIM, he was promoted to his high status in that household. Then Andres talked about how Joseph had to be in a different place, where he didn't feel like he had control, to figure out that God had had control over everything that had happened to him the entire time. It took getting away, and going to not the most ideal place, to get him where he needed to be spiritually.

I literally almost burst into tears, because in that moment...everything clicked.

I realized that i have been in Potapher's house. i have been in a place foreign to me, where life hasn't been easy and i have been trying to do things on my own, when God has been doing everything and paving the way for me the entire time. I am in my Potapher's house right now, and it is EXACTLY what i needed to have and where i needed to be in order to reach the level of spirituality God desires for me at this point in my life.

I have been praying that God would help me reflect and kind of see what he has been teaching me, and i saw all of it in that moment. I realized how much i have changed. How i have learned how to live with difficult people. how i have learned to love in new ways. How i have learned to anchor every aspect of my life with prayer. How i have learned that i can do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING without Christ. As i wrote in one of my first blogs, that has been the biggest battle i have had to fight here. Every time i think i have FINALLY learned that lesson, i start feeling strong again and i decide that i can do something on my own, and i get knocked down even harder than the last time. But God has finally picked me up, and i'm glad, because i can barely stand from being knocked to the earth over, and over, and over again. Scarred, dirty, beaten and bruised, but being lifted up anew, and happier than i was before all of this even began.

In that moment i cast a thanks like none i have ever said before, up to God for giving me the peace about how i have changed. I thought,"this is the sign, not as big as i was hoping, but big enough for me to recognize it and big enough for me to begin to have peace about going home." But God wasn't done with me yet!!!

Then pastor Andres started talking about transformation of our spiritual lives, how we move from one level to the next, constantly growing. He used the illustration of a baseball diamond to talk about the 4 "levels" of change we have.

(This is obviously a translated version since the entire church service is in Spanish, but you get the idea. He didn't go into a lot of detail, just the basics, so the stuff down below is a mixture of his explanations and my additions to those explanations.)

He said we start at home, where we are comfortable, and we learn to depend on things. We are taught to depend on God, but we end up depending on ourselves. We meet God, and learn about his purpose for us, and his power, and are still stupid enough to think we can do everything on our own. I was definitely here when i came to Mexico, stupid enough to think i could do everything on my own. But after getting knocked down again, and again, i learned my lesson.

Then with our "new-found faith"we move to first base, where we learn about His unfailing love for us. As we learn about it we try to change our character to love more like him. I have definitely learned so much more about myself as a person here, and it shocks me. I have found some of the most incredible friendships i have ever had in my life, and also discovered a new way to love people that i never could have learned at home.

Then, with our hearts full we proceed to second base, where we learn how to share how we have changed spiritually with the community around us. We open up to share what we have learned about Christ with those we love. I have learned here how to be a better part of a working community. How to contribute, how to back down when i'm not in my place, and how to take constructive criticism (which if you know me well, you know has been a lesson that i have needed for a LONG time!!!) I have also had the opportunity to share numerous times here about my faith and hope that it is making an impact on the people around me.


Then, after learning what we have needed to learn in this "round" we move on to third base. There we see the results of how God has changed our life in this "run." We reflect and see the new capacities he has given us through our deepened knowledge and understanding of him. I am here right now, soaking in everything God has taught me over these last 8 months. Marveling at how on earth i couldn't see it before now, how much god has done for me, how many times he has been with me here even though i thought i could do things on my own. I feel the presence of the capability to come home and be this changed person, a better person, and to begin my life a new AS this person.


And when we have learned all that in our Potapher's house, it's time for us to
Go
Back
Home.

It's time. Time for me to use everything i have learned and experienced here to go home and start living the rest of my life!!!! To live every day at home filled with love and prayer as i have lived every day here. To never forget what has happened here, and to hold every smile, every joke, every tear, every heart and every moment in my heart forever.

Pastor Andres ended with a question, and then a way to help us answer the question.

He asked us, "now, where are you going?" and then he said, "and wherever you are going, have the power of God with you."

I started crying and thought:

I'm going home, and God, and his unmatchable, unquestionable, indescribable power, is coming with me.

Amor de Amistad (Love of Friendship)

Every year, Valentines Day has been a curse in my life. A day set aside in the year to shove it in my face and then rub some dirt in it that i'm single. Normally, it's the only day of the year i wish i wasn't single, but it still hurts, and each year it hurts a little more. My parents have always done a good job of helping us look at family love on Valentines Day, but even that can't take away the sting of seeing so many people around me so happy in their relationships.

I was kind of dreading this day in Mexico, because here, my family wouldn't even be here to share their love with me. But i decided to put my best foot forward and try to make my first Valentines Day in Mexico very memorable. I had no idea then how much God was going to bless me that day!!!!!!!!!!

My morning was spent shopping and baking. February 14th, a day that i used to hate, is the birthday of my incredible best friend in Morelia, Luis, so i was baking for the party we were having for him, and 2 more of my students who also had birthdays in February.  I was also shopping for a present for Luis, ingredients, and 3 mini cakes to smash in the faces of my three students with birthdays (crazy and often rather violent Mexican tradition that i happen to love).  Both the apple pies and the brownies turned out great and i went to NOE a very happy person.  When i got there i played basketball with some friends because only 2 of the girls on the basketball team decided to show up for practice.

After that it was time for class. Everyone put the food they had bought or prepared in the middle of the table and we had a feast while we wrote little Valentines cards to each other. In the midst of all of it i was surprised at how happy i was. Then it began to dawn on me why i was so happy:

In the states, Valentines Day is centered around those who are in relationships. And if you aren't in a relationship, Valentines Day sucks. But here in Mexico it is different. The day is named Amor de Amistad, or love of friendship. This means that it is just as normal for people to give presents to their friends, as it is to give a present to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Here it's not a day that points the finger and says, "ha you're single!" It's a day that celebrates romantic love, but also the unbreakable, and incredible kind of love that exists among friends. Upon that realization i was perfectly happy to end my day and go home having my first fun Valentines Day in my memory. But i had a lot more in store!!!!!

At the end of the party we proceeded to put all 3 of the guys faces in their cakes at the same time. It worked beautifully, but turned to chaos when Luis turned around, picked up the plate of cake, and pushed it into my face. As soon as that happened, all hell broke loose. Cake flew, people screamed, jumped on chairs and tables to get away, and after a few minutes we all stopped to look at each other covered in cake and frosting, but even the ones who got hit the hardest were no match for the mess that the classroom was. We spent the next hour laughing and getting cleaned up. I had cake everywhere on my clothes and in over half of my hair, so one of my students took me home to get cleaned up. when i was ready, we went and got another friend and then went back to my students house to watch a movie.

People started coming to join us with the movie and that was completely normal, but then 3 brothers who never do stuff with us showed up at the door with guitars in hand. Over the next hour 7 of the guys, with a guitar for each of them, practiced the songs they were going to sing in a serenade for select girls from NOE and their schools. We walked off into the night to begin. It was adorable, hearing them sing and seeing the faces of the girls light up like the fourth of July when they came to the door hearing "(insert name here) your name is a poem of love, your eyes are the lights of the sky, and your lips the foam of the sea." (IT SOUNDS EVEN CUTER IN SPANISH!!!!!) After the first house i was informed that i was part of the routine, and they were all upset because now they couldn't sing to me. So we decided that i would be the last one, but i still got to go with them. So i held the roses they presented to a select few girls and heard these amazing boys sing songs of love to about 10 different girls.  My heart was overwhelmed with love for them and pride in the fact that they were making so many girls feel so special that night. When my turn came i literally almost cried.

So that was my story, and now to the point. Sorry for all the ushy, gushy stuff, but that used to be all that Valentines Day was about for me, well moreover, the lack of it in my life, but still, you get the idea.  Now Valentines Day means something ENTIRELY different thanks to a food fight, seven young men with guitars, my incredible friends here, and a long-stemmed red rose.

Valentines Day will no longer be a day of pain or sorrow for me. It will no longer be a day when i cry when i'm by myself and think, "why isn't it okay to be alone???" Now i realize that i am never alone. From now on Valentines Day is going to be a day of celebration for me. A day to honor each and every one of the incredible people that God has placed in my life. A day to give them my love, to thank them for being a piece of my life, and to continue to show them the greatest love of all, the love of Christ.



The days are winding down, and my heart is continuing to rip in to. It wants to stay here with this indescribable group of people i have shared the last seven months with, but at the same time it is ready to go home and see the people who have taught me how to love my whole life.

I take comfort in this: that the love i have for the people here is so strong that it will not let me forget my life and the things i have learned here. Here in Morelia they taught me about a different kind of love, and now it is time for me to go home and share this new love with the other people in my life.

29 days and i will be home. The love of the people here will always be with me, the love of people at home is pulling me there, and the love of Christ will get me through this time that is now before me.

My Number.........19

March 19th.....i´ve known for a few weeks now, is the day i come back to my beloved Portland.
March 19th.....i get to see my incredible family and friends again.
But....March 19th i also have to say goodbye to my beautiful Morelia.

19 has seriously been my number for this trip. I turned 19 while i was here in Mexico, i have about 19 people here that i don´t know what i would do without. 19 is about the number of times i thank God each and every day that i am here in this incredible place. 19 ius about the number of students who come to the Bible Study each week. 19 is about the total number of shirts that i have that i have been living in for the last almost 7 months.

19 has been a very good thing for me!!!!!1

But 19 is also now very sad. March 19th is the day i leave this incredible place. 19 around the number of people at home who i am starting to miss more and more every day. And 19 is also probably about the number of little things when i am home that i am going to miss each and every day about Mexico.

My emotions are alllllllllllllllllll over the place right now. I don´t knwo whether to be happy or sad, and i don´t know how to be both. But God is helping me through this whole thing. Home is close. In 1 month and 20 days i will be on a plane back to Portland, and about 10 hours after i get on that plane, i will be at home, hugging my family, frtiends, and my dogs (who i miss sooooooooooooooo much) for the first time in over 8 months.

It´s a crazy thing. I want to count down to see my family and friends at home, but at the same time i want the minutes to go by as slowly as possible while i am here!!! God is helping me though. He´s showing me how to make the best of every day, bettering myself and helping the people around me. He´s also beginning to put a subtle feeling in my heart that it is time to go home, and for the first time since i´ve been here, i am starting to feel okay with that.

Triple Threat

Many times, in both water polo and basketball, i have heard myself referred to as a triple threat. For basketball i could dribble, pass and shoot and in water polo i'm a fast swimmer, can pass, and can shoot. I have always been the WHOLE triple threat, all three parts. Now i'm learning how to share, how to be a third of the triple instead of the whole thing itself.

Until a week ago, i had been the only intern at NOE. Andrew left on December 16th and so i had the kids "to myself" for literally a month. We all missed Andrew a lot, and i missed having someone else who spoke English before Spanish, but at the same time, i kind of enjoyed being the only one.

Then last Monday, Esther Chan arrived. Sadly because of our similar class schedules we didn't get to spend a lot of time together because we both were in class at the same time. We had one conversation for about 10 minutes and that was it. I was sad because i wanted to get to know her better, but at the same time, didn't want to attach myself too quickly because my date to return to Portland is quickly approaching.

Then yesterday, Kristen Main also arrived. I went to the airport and as i saw her reuniting with her loved ones i had severe flashbacks to when that was me a few months ago. In that moment it felt like i was coming all over again, like this dream of a life i have been living had really BEEN a dream, and that i hadn't just lived the best 5 months of my life.

I was thinking about it last night after i got home. I am no longer the only intern, now there's two more girls here with me. I was honestly a little upset. I didn't want to have to share these incredible kids that i have come to know and love during my trips to NOE. But God showed me tonight that i was being selfish, and that i needed a serious slap in the face.

Tonight was the first time all 3 of us girls had been in the same room, we were with about 6 NOE kids though so we didn't get to talk a lot. Most of the conversation was filled with laughing about various jokes and all getting to know each other better.  Tonight i realized that we make the perfect triple threat!!!!! We have Kristen, the oldest of the 3 of us. Definitely the quietest but really sweet and always has a smile on her face. Then Esther, and her crazy, spunky personality that reminds us all about how great it is to be young. And then me, (wow i'm the baby even though i'm the tallest by at least 6 inches) with my slightly harder personality, serious, but am always ready for a good time.

Looking around the circle of faces tonight, i realized that the three of us really balance each other out. Our personalities are all different and we all have something different and unique to bring to NOE and the mission here.  I realized in that moment that i should never be upset that new people come to NOE. I should be thankful that God is opening the eyes of people all over the place about the INCREDIBLE work that is happening here at NOE International. That i'm not "sharing" these kids i know and love so much, because they aren't mine to share!!! Each one of these kids is a miracle from God that has been wonderfully placed in my life.  They have touched my life in ways i will never be able to explain, and i should rejoice that they do that for other people as well.

So i am here, making a commitment, to embrace this triple threat i am now a part of. To d everything i can to work as a team with these other amazing women and the staff at NOE to continue the AMAZING work that goes on here every day.

Watch out Mexico, the Triple Threat is on a mission to do God's work in NOE and NOTHING can stop us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reflection Time: Looking back on Senior Year

*Just for the record, this reflection is going to start in September of 2010 and go until today :)

I thought i was queen of the world. Going into senior year looking at a great athletic year, a great academic year, and a promising future deciding which 4 year college to go to that had water polo. Looking back i laugh at myself, as i'm sure God was laughing, because i had plans. I was telling God what i wanted and saying it was his "will." Boy did i get punished for that one.

The turmoil started the first week of school, when we were going for water polo captains. I thought i would be better than the other senior and i knew it would be a great addition to my stats for college polo. After circumstances that were out of my control, i didn't get it. I was prepared to accept it, but instead was tortured and cut at my entire season!!! I saw the turmoil of my sophomore season multiplied and it tore me apart. Polo went from being my favorite sport, to something that was ripping apart my dignity, my hope, my future, and my strength. Emotionally the season was tearing at me, and also physically, my shoulder was worse than ever! Every game was a fight against the pain, and i was scared i wasn't going to be able to finish the season. I remember at one point crying out to God, pleading with him not to take water polo away from me!!! After that prayer i realized that God was telling me that maybe my whole future shouldn't be oriented around something that could be taken away from me with one serious blow to my shoulder.

*Without knowing it "god" number one was filtered out of my life.

i used the winter to refocus and recover. Saw a doctor about my shoulder and was signed up to go see a specialist. I began to focus more on school now that sports were out of the way. I was renewing friendships, making new friends, and losing friends that i didn't need.  I looked alright on the outside, but on the inside i was a scared mess.  Every plan i had seemed to be falling apart. I had lost polo, was possibly going to lose track because of my shoulder, and was running low on time to find a school. Every one i looked at didn't seem right. After a Christian College Conference for all the schools in the Northwest, i felt utterly defeated.  On the drive home i remember my mom turning to me and out of the clear blue asking if i wanted to go to Mt. Hood Community College for a year to get more of my pre-reqs done before heading off to a big school? I said yes, but that i also wanted to go to Mexico.

My beautiful Mexico. I hadn't realized until that moment that an internship at NOE had been sitting in the back of my head all along!!! And now that i wanted to study teaching, it made more sense than ever. There was only one problem....i had just turned 18, and the age for interns was 20 and up. But i applied anyway, and prayed to God that i would get accepted. I felt like it was what i needed to do.

My answer came in December a few days after my brother from Mexico came to spend the holidays with us. At a swim meet in the middle of december, i got the text message that would change my life. The text from the intern coordinator in Portland that i was going to Mexico!!!!! I was happier than words could express!!!!!

The next few months flew by and dragged on at the same time (if that is possible).  The months flew because everyone was counting. The epidemic of senioritis was spreading quickly, hitting my classmates and friends, and eventually me. But i wasn't just counting down to graduation, i was counting down to the day the Dream Team would arrive, and then 30 days later the even bigger day when i would fly back to Morelia with them. But the months also dragged on because of my intense physical therapy, my entire track season i don't think i completed more than 5 full practices with my team. I had to change my workouts and my routines to work with my physical therapy, and my ever weakening shoulder.  My hope rested entirely on going to state. It was my time, and i had the ability, but i didn't have faith that my shoulder, or God for that matter, could take me there. As state got closer and closer i got better and better, but it was never good enough. I sometimes would throw to the point of exhaustion begging my body to push a  little bit more to hit the mark i needed. it was all i wanted. My coach is a wonderful Christian man and i don't know how i would have gotten through the season without him.  He took me by the horns, broke me down, and turned me into the kind of athlete that i had always wanted to be. He helped keep me grounded in the fact that whether i won or lost, it was all part of God's plan, and all i could do is give 100%. Well the big day came, and of course, we were blessed with rain. in the freezing cold i did everything i could to do the best i could, but metal and rain don't mix. I was able to keep control and get decent throws that got me into the finals, but i was still almost 10 feet short of what i needed. By the time it was my last throw i was almost in tears. I was giving it everything i safely could, and i was still not making it. For my last throw i screamed and used every inch of power in my body...and still through 6 feet short of the necessary mark.

I was absolutely devastated. But the new was that there was a chance i could wild card in because some of the girls above me in another conference had done worse than me. I praised God because i still had a chance. I thought, "God took polo captain away from me, he wouldn't take this away too!!!" It took about a week to get the news, and every day of that week felt like an eternity. I still remember the look on my coaches face as he walked into my classroom and told my teacher he needed to talk to me. I only had to look at him to know. Outside with him and my best friend holding on to me, he told me i hadn't gotten it. Some other people who had gone in lower than me had thrown really well and knocked me out of my spot.  I felt like my strength had finally run out. I was done trying.

*Without knowing, "god" number 2 was beginning to filter out of my life.

The next few weeks flew by! I had my last day of school, i graduated, and before i knew it i was training to go to work for the summer! It was so weird to think that my entire educational life was summed up in 5 seconds with 3 handshakes and a little piece of paper. but hey, i was done!!! My focus was now on work and waiting for my Dream Team kids to arrive.

They got here and helped me have one of the best summers of my life. I enjoyed every day and loved getting closer and closer to them. Then my world was shaken again, just when i thought everything was going perfect, i found myself in the hospital not able to breathe. Laying on a bed in the emergency room i was scared that i was dying. I thought about everyone i wouldn't be able to say goodbye to, everything i still wanted to do, and everything i had done. My strength was gone, my body had failed me once again, and i was leaning to trust less in it and more in God every second.  After 4 hours i got out of the hospital and was sent home. From that moment on i have tried to treasure every moment as if it were my last, because it could very well be.

Before i knew it we were at the airport and a new chapter of my life was about to begin. Goodbyes were bittersweet, i wanted to leave and get to Mexico to say my hellos, but i also didn't want to leave the warmth of the friends and family i was leaving. but i did, i got on the plane and was on my way. I thought that was it, but God had one more test in store! I threw up the medicine i use to help me fly because i was so upset, and then when i got on the plane, the shock bracelet i use to fly broke as well. I started crying and pleaded with God. I said that i was entirely in his hands now, and then realized that was what he had wanted all along. I still got sick on the flight, but smiled as it happened because i knew God was holding on to me.  The second flight was even worse, an air-bus, hot, with severe turbulance, but God was good and helped me not only to fly without being sick, but to be able to fill out all my paperwork and barely to feel how much the plane was rocking. I went through hell and back that day but the smiling faces and open arms waiting for me in the lobby of the airport made it allllll worth it :)

And now i am in Mexico, living life as i have never lived it before. I am experiencing types of challenges that i never knew existed, and learning things about the world and about myself that i never even imagined possible. I have grown more as a person in these last few months than in almost the equivalent of my entire life. The woman that will come back to Portland is nothing like the girl that left.  I have found my passion in teaching and even enjoy the challenge of trying to learn a new language! But more than anything here, my heart and soul are touched every day by the presence of God i can feel now more  than ever before in my life. He shows me his unending love, devotion, grace, and mercy every day here in Morelia. And he has blessed me with many angels that continue to show me what the true meaning of love is, even when i forget.

God took my "gods" out of my life this year. The first, he took my focus off of my sports and put it more on him. He taught me that my world doesn't need to revolve around whether i win or lose a game or a competition, but that i can still love my sports, and i do. And the second "god" he took out of my life was my strength. I have always been the strong one, but god showed me that compared to his strength, mine is like an ant fighting the ocean, and so HIS strength is the one i need to rely on!!!!!


So here's to this last year. The year that changed a girl into a woman. The hardest year i have had yet, but also BY FAR the most fulfilling!!!!!]

Praise God for another year!!!!

Happy New Year EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!

The TRUE Meaning of Christmas

-I know it's really cliche, but it's what i'm learning and how i'm feeling-

First i want to apologize that it has been almost 3 weeks since i last blogged, but the end of the trimester has left me very busy with papers, grades, etc.

Because i am 100% honest in this blog i need to warn all of you that this one is going to have a little bit of venting about all the things i miss about Christmas in the states. So here we go:

2 days ago when i started to get the idea for this blog, i wanted to call it "It's Beginning to Not Look AT ALL Like Christmas" for reasons that are about to be explained. Here in Morelia, it is still between 60 and 80 during the day. i am still walking around in t-shirts and capris without being cold in the slightest. At night it is a different story, but during the day i am still hot and almost miserable.  Many stores play American Christmas music and people look at me funny when i am singing along while i shop.  Other than the music however, it wasn't feeling at ALL like Christmas to me!!! Christmas means looking for rain that will soon turn into snow. Christmas means breaking out my boots and cute winter clothes so i can constantly be warm and cozy. Christmas means waking up every morning and smelling the Christmas tree. Christmas means making another wreath to hang somewhere in the house. Christmas means breaking out the huge pile of old Christmas movies and watching them one by one with my family. Christmas means baking delicious things with your family and shopping for presents. Christmas means EGGNOG!!!!! Christmas means me chopping wood for our fireplace and helping my mom get ready for our huge annual Christmas Party, which is one of the highlights of my year!!!

I know this is kind of immature but this IS how i was feeling until Friday.  When people would ask me, "are you excited for your first Mexican Christmas???" I would smile and say yes, but inside i was screaming, "THIS ISN'T CHRISTMAS!!!"

I needed a good slap in the face, and man did i get one this last Friday during the Christmas service at NOE.

I had no idea what this thing was. It's called a Pre-Posada, so i asked what that meant. Posada's are a Catholic tradition in Mexico where people act out the Christmas story, walking from house to house looking for "room" for a party. One family is designated to say yes each time the people go walking and they stop at that house and have a party.  The pre-Posada is another party where they sing, drink this delicious drink called Ponche, and break piñatas. So that is what we did in the Ark at NOE. I wasn't too excited about it. My Dream Team kids and i had to sing a song, so we had been preparing for that all week. Anyone who knows me well knows that i HATE singing in public which is one of the many reasons i quit choir years ago, so i was not looking forward to this.  Some friends and i were going out dancing after the Pre-Posada as well, so truthfully all that was going through my head was, "can we please get this over with so i can go dancing???" After the evening i felt very ashamed about this.

My kids and i were up right after the ice-breaker, which only took a few minutes. We walked up on stage, opened our pink folders that had the lyrics inside and waited for the tacky intro to Jingle Bell Rock to begin playing. We started singing, and i began looking around. I saw all the people watching, finding faces in the crowd of people i know and love so much, and then started looking at my kids standing around me on stage. They were trying their hardest to pronounce the words right like we had practiced, and smiling at each other and everyone looking at them. In that moment, my heart was filled with such happiness and such love for these people, that i didn't want to start crying, so i burst out laughing. THANK GOD it was in a part of the song that i could still sing while laughing, and i don't think anybody but my kids noticed.  After we were done we got a big round of applause and went back to our spots in the back.

One of my kids turned to me, and said, "that was a disaster." and all i could do was smile and agree. BUT IT WAS OKAY!!! In my head all i was thinking was that up until that moment, this Christmas had been a disaster for me. All i wanted to do was be at home, curled up in warm clothes, under a blanket, with a cup of eggnog by the fire. But it hit me like a ton of bricks, that i still love these people and this place, more than anything, even though i thought it would be a disaster!!! After that my head was flooded with movie quotes, lines from books, passages of scripture, and parts of sermons i have heard about Christmas, all saying that Christmas MEANS Jesus being born, coming to Earth for us. Saying that the other stuff is fun, but none of it is as important as being with the people you love, celebrating the TRUE reason for the season! And if that rush of guilt wasn't enough, Hugo then gave a 20 minute lesson on that EXACT subject!!!! Even though it was in Spanish, i was able to understand every word (such a God thing) and each word, like a dagger pierced my heart, until, by the end, i had nothing left in me except love for these people and the Christmas i was soon to share with them. Each word of his message stabbed out everything i was missing, everything i was wanting, and everything i had thought so many times about crying over, and replaced it with a stronger love than i have EVER felt for these people, this culture, and this Christmas i will partake in in a few days.

Jesus came, on Christmas day, grew up, suffered with us, to give us the ultimate gift, the best kind of service he had, his life!!!!! I am not comparing myself to Jesus at all. I am here, for these people though, and i wish to serve them in every way i can!!! At the Pre-Posada that was burning my hand almost 20 times serving steaming hot Ponche to everyone present. it was service with a smile for me, a smile for every single one of these people, whether i know them or not, because i am here to serve them NOT to be served!!!!

This Christmas is DEFINITELY going to be different!!! I have yet to see a real Christmas tree, i won't see any of my portland friends or family, i won't do any of the things i normally do, and i won't be in MY house, but it's okay!!!! I am here, in Morelia, Michoacan Mexico getting ready to spend Christmas with people i love just as much as my family at home!!! Getting ready to try new things, have new experiences, and share in the love of family that this culture revolves around!!!

So what if i'm the crazy white girl singing Christmas songs in every store i go in to??? So what if i'm still sweating instead of shivering??? So what if the fireplace where i live isn't even real??? So what if there isn't a tree in my house???

This is still going to be Christmas
Shared with people i love
Remembering what TRULY matters
That the God who brought me here
On this day so many years ago
Brought his son to this Earth
To Save me and everyone else here!!!

THAT IS THE REASON TO CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Cup Overflows

The title for this blog is a phrase from one of my favorite Psalms, Psalm 23, that until i came here to Morelia, I did not understand.

This Psalm has been with me almost my entire life. Some of my earliest childhood memories are sitting in the bathtub with my sisters or on the swings learning this psalm verse by verse. When i was little the best part about learning the verse was getting a small handful of chocolate chips every time i could repeat a verse back to one of my parents. Now that i'm an adult -wow that feels weird to say but it's true- i treasure having that Psalm with me all the time whenever i need it.

Most of the psalm is pretty basic and easy to understand. "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." I, often throughout life, would find joy in nature because of these verses, and found that being alone in God's creation did, indeed, restore my soul.

"He guides me in paths of righteousness for his namesake. Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me." I experiences this part for the first time when i went to Nepal in the summer of 2009. Every day there literally felt like the valley of the shadow of death, but God got me through it and showed me a LOT about myself and also what else i could get out of a relationship with him. Looking back, that trip changed my walk with Christ forever.

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies." This verse was shown to me this last year during water polo season. God helped me get through a terrible mess with one of the girls on my team, who i considered my enemy, but he helped me grow in him through the experience.

"You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows." I always understood the analogy for anointing a head with oil, but i never understood the "my cup overflows" part. As a kid i experienced, many-a-time, the sudden impulse to slurp up foam when you fill your glass of soda too much, but that was it.
Here
Now
In Morelia
I Understand
How My Cup
Can Overflow.

My cup is my life, and it can overflow with all the blessings and happiness God gives me. Here in Morelia i am happier than i have ever been. This is because i can see my purpose here and i can see how to help people. I also am surrounded by hundreds of miracles here, and those miracles are every single kid at NOE!!! I am more blessed than i could ever have imagined. My heart is full to bursting with happiness and thankfulness for all that God has given me here.


Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and i must admit it is starting to feel a little weird being away from home at this time of year. On Facebook my wall is plastered with notifications of all my college friends going home to see their families for the holidays. I could continue that sentence by saying "while i am stuck here" but i won't say that because i'm not stuck! I love it here, and even though yes, sometimes it is a little hard to be away from home, it is worth it to be experiencing everything i am here.

I was thinking back this morning to last Thanksgiving. Spending it with family and friends was enjoyable, but on the inside my heart was broken into a million tiny pieces. I was trying to figure out what i wanted to do with the rest of my life, had just finished a really hard water polo season, was anxiously awaiting the results of my Intern request for NOE, and i just wasn't happy. My heart was full of worries and doubts and honestly, i wasn't thankful for much of anything in my life then.

This Thanksgiving, however, is a completely different story! My life is filled with more blessings and happiness than i ever could have hoped for, even in my wildest imagination! Sure my Thanksgiving isn't going to be perfect this year. The rolls will be store bought instead of my mom's, the green bean casserole will have potato chips instead of fried onions and the pies won't be hot out of the oven, but i am SOOOOO BLESSED HERE that all that little stuff fades away.

Even though i'm not HOME for Thanksgiving with my family and friends, i am home here in Morelia, ready to share a new kind of Thanksgiving with my new family and friends.

Thank you Lord for blessings and for giving me as many as i have here.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!! May your cups overflow as well this holiday season!!!

Here I Am Once Again

Here i am once again
i pour out my heart for i know that you hear
every cry, you are listening
no matter what state my heart is in
you are faithful to answer
with words that are true and a hope that is real
as i feel your touch
you bring a freedom to all that's within
in the safety of this place

I'M LONGING TO POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I NEED YOU
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I'M THANKFUL
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT YOU'RE WONDERFUL!!!

This has always been one of my all-time favorite worship songs, but until yesterday, i didn't really understand what it meant.

All my life i have desired to be able to do what this song says. To pour out my heart to Jesus, telling him i love him, that i need him, that i'm thankful, and that he is wonderful. Yesterday and today, i learned how to do that, and even though it is in the midst of terrible circumstances, i can be happy because i have fulfilled what this song says.

Yesterday the students and staff at NOE were informed that the mother of Claudia, one of the girls who just came to Portland this last summer as a part of Dream Team 15, was in the hospital. The doctors didn't know what was wrong, and she was doing really bad. That night at Bible study we had a time of worship and prayer. prayer for Claudia and her family and for Luis (Brian) Overcast as he flies back to Morelia. Tears streamed down my face as i saw all these incredible kids pouring their hearts out to Christ. In that moment i felt a conviction that i had never before experienced, and the prayers i uttered were unlike any that have ever come out of my mouth before!!!

Claudia is a very new believer. She began reading her Bible three months ago while she was in Portland, and since then has been attending church and the Bible study at NOE.  Her faith is new but strong, so i pray that something as big as this will not shake it, but only make it stronger, no matter what the outcome is.

This morning during my class Juan came in and asked us to all stop and pray for Claudia and her mom because she was not doing well. Juan then informed me that he would be going to the hospital later that afternoon, and when i asked if i could accompany him, he said he would call me when he had an answer.

When i got the call around 2:30, instead of hearing confirmation that we were going to the hospital, i got the news that her mom was worse and that we had to wait. it was so hard, i was with my brothers and the entire mood changed for the rest of the afternoon. The call came at 3:45 that Clau wanted a group of us to come to the hospital to be with her. We said we would meet at NOE at 4:30 and then go at 5:00. When we got to NOE you could see the different dynamic with those of us who knew what was going on. We all went into a room and spent time crying and praying together, pouring our hearts out to God begging him to help Claudia and begging him for the healing and salvation of her mother. The power in that room, was like nothing i have ever felt in my entire life.

Now i TRULY know what it feels like to come pleading, to God, pouring out your heart to him. Watching the other kids crying and praying was so powerful.

We got to the hospital and Clau greeted us. We spent about 20 minutes just hugging her as we all cried and showing her that we cared. After that we got in a circle around her and embracing her, once again, lifted her and her mom up to our Lord in prayer. Right now the doctors have determined that her mom has a type of blood clot in her brain and she could die if it moves, so it is still a very scary time.


I finally however, understand that part of the song. Here i am, once again...it's saying that prayer and TRULY pouring out your heart to God cannot be a one time thing. It has to be constant, and even constant to the point where you want to say, "well, here i am AGAIN" but THAT is what matters to God!!! That we trust him and that we NEVER STOP believing that he can do something to change our circumstances!!!!!

Even though I have learned this lesson through difficult circumstances, i am still so thankful that i have, in fact, learned it.

Please continue to pray for Claudia, her mom, and her family, as well as these other things:

*This week is the busiest week of the year at NOE, so please pray that the stress will not cause all of us teachers to be harsh with each other, but that we will have patience and that everything will go smoothly.
*Luis (Brian) returns from Portland tomorrow. Please pray he has a safe journey.
*Ryan and Brent Hernandez arrive on Thursday to help us out. Please pray that they get here safely and that their time here will really encourage everyone.
*Friday is Amigo Night, a fundraiser for all the alumni of NOE, please pray that it will raise a lot of money and go really smoothly.
*Saturday is the Kermesse, a huge fundraiser for NOE, please pray that everything works out and that it raises a LOT of money for this incredible ministry!!!
*Then Sunday a group of us head out to a hot springs for a few days as a cool-down, sorry for the irony, after this hectic week. Please pray that we travel safely and that we have a great time.

Thank you so much for your prayers everyone!!!

Drink Deep, Live Wet

Today i was once again reminded of something i have been told my entire life...and that is that i sweat A LOT!!!!!

I played basketball at an altitude 5000 feet above what i am used to, for almost 3 hours straight, in a concrete room. The boys were sweating, the girls, not so much, which is why i was picked on. It was brought to my attention several times that i sweat like a boy (thank you i know). This is a problem i have dealt with my whole life. Thanks to my wonderful genes from my dear mother (most of which i love) whenever the temperature is above freezing, or i am doing any form of physical activity, i start to sweat. Because of this i hate the sun and wish i had a towel with me every time i have to walk somewhere. Most of my friends know this about me, are used to it, and i love them for it!!! But since they all knew about this, they thought i was CRAZY to go to Mexico, and i did too!!! We walk everywhere here, and it is still 80 degrees during the day!!!!! I AM LITERALLY MELTING!!!!!

Because of this i know that i need to drink even more water while i am here. I have a liter water bottle and i drink at least 3 of them a day. (Yeah, that's a lot of liquid).

(for those of you reading this will get less gross right now.)

Since my Bible study on letting the Holy Spirit be the water for our souls, i have been enjoying a book my Max Lucado, (an author who came to Morelia and wrote a paragraph about the NOE Center in one of his most recent books) called Come Thirsty. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT!!!!!!! This book has taught me so much! I love water more than any other element on this earth, but this book is helping take my love for water even deeper (no pun intended) with a better understanding of spiritual water.

The book talks about making God an ever-present source of life in your soul, like water is an ever-present source of life in your body. As i drink more and more physical water here, i also strive to take in God's presence at the same time. During my Bible Study i challenged the kids to say a short prayer every time they drank water for one week. This was a way to get them to have God in their lives more every day. I got absolutely no feedback on how that went....but i am still going strong, saying a short prayer every time i take a chug from my water bottle.

And you know what else??? I'm happier than i have ever been in my life, i have so much energy it scares me, and i feel more alive. I know it's partially my environment, and partially the amount of water i intake every day, but it is mostly due to the presence of God always in my life that i am now more aware of.

The book also talks about how prayer keeps us close to the trinity. How prayer is our way of constantly inviting the Holy Spirit into our lives. It talks about making prayer an ever-present part of your life instead of something you only do at meals or when you need something. When i read this sentence, i realized that i have been doing that the last month or so and it is making a WORLD of difference in my walk with Christ. I am talking to him all the time, so it is easier for me to hear him talk back and see the results. My fifteen minute walk to and from NOE 4 times a day is filled with prayer, my classes, my time with my friends, everything i do is an opportunity for prayer for me now. I bring Christ into anything and EVERYTHING i do!!!

And i am seeing the results!!! On Tuesday i was at one of the malls here with a friend. It was 4:30 and we decided to leave because i had to be in class, teaching, at 5. The drive from the mall to NOE takes 15 minutes, so we figured we had plenty of time. We went outside to find that there were no taxis, in other words, no way for us to get to NOE. We walked around the parking lot looking and looking. 10 minutes passed and i began to panic!!! I said, "alright time to pray. Lord, we need a taxi, please." Less than 20 seconds later a taxi came over the hill, dropped off it's passengers, and picked us up. When we got in my friend said, "God likes you more, he listened to you." I laughed and said, "no" but realized it's easier for Him to answer, the more i talk to and rely on Him.

So to sum it all up, here in Mexico i am learning how to drink deeply of the Holy Spirit. To fill my life every day with the presence of God and i am reaping the benefits of it.

Because of this, my increased intake of water, and the fact that it is still SO HOT HERE, i am also living wet. Not only spiritually, but physically as well. But because of how incredible i feel with this spiritual revival within me with the springs of living water flowing within me, i embrace the streams of salty water flowing out of me.

Signing out for now and going to put on some more deoderant ;)

Change of State, Change of Mind

Today marks the one week milestone of the hardest 24 hours of my life.

I am not going to go into depth about the situation, but most of you will know what i am referring to. Last Monday i informed the family i had been living with for 2 months that i was leaving and moving into another house. This drastic change was a result of a bad beginning with that family due to me being sick, as well as many cultural misunderstandings and differences in personalities. Due to these reasons i did not feel at home where i was living and it made it very hard to get along with the family.

Juan started helping me look for a new house and last Sunday we asked a woman at his church who has hosted interns for NOE before, if she would consider taking me in?  Her name is Rosa, she is about the same age as my mom, single and lives with her mother. She does not speak a word of English, and is rumored to be one of the best cooks in Morelia.  She said yes that she would let me stay with her and therefore, i am living with her right now.

It was hard to tell a family i have gotten close to and care for, that i am leaving, but it had to be done. The Lord helped me to get through it, as well as my brother Erick who helped me pack and kept me from crying every 5 minutes. All the kids and staff at NOE were soooooo sweet and supportive through this entire experience. I don't know if i could have done it without them. Everyone is apologizing that this happened to me, but i am trying to look at it as a positive thing. Even though it was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do in my life, God taught me SO much through it!!!

*He taught me a LOT about myself. About how i needed a good dose of humility, and got it through this experience.

*He taught me about how to cooperate, that i need to go half way, but then need to wait for the other person or people to meet me there.

*He taught me a lot about patience, and how to still be happy in difficult situations.

*He showed me how truly difficult it is to LIVE and function in another culture.

*Finally, he showed me, more than ever before, his example of NEVER ENDING love and mercy for me, and that got me through this whole experience.

People have been asking me if i'm having fun here. For the last 2 months, i have been saying yes, but meaning yes only when i was not in my house. But now, when people ask me if i am happy i can TRULY say, "YES, I AM THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!"

I've been reflecting on the whole concept a lot this week.  I only moved 25 minutes away from where i was living before. But now i am closer to NOE, closer to some of the kids, it is less dangerous for me to walk to NOE, and i am with a family that i feel like a part of!!! God showed me that a little change of state, and a hard lesson, could help change my perspective and state of mind about being here ENTIRELY!!! 

2 days ago Rosa came into the kitchen with me and her niece Mari who takes care of her mother when she is at work. Mari is about 40 and has two children, one has graduated from NOE and the other is in my class. (The look on his face when he saw his teacher living in his aunt's house was PRICELESS!!!!!) Rosa had just come home from work, and came into the kitchen to talk to Mari and i.  She put her arm around my waist, and rested her head on my shoulder (she's pretty short) and said, "ah, mi hija Sophie."

Mi hija. My daughter. 

Honestly, i almost cried. I realized that at my other house, i had only called the mom by her first name. I hadn't felt entirely comfortable there, and as a result, felt weird calling the woman in that house the same thing that i call the wonderful woman who gave me life!!! But Rosa, after knowing me for 5 days, was calling me her daughter!!!! Welcoming me into her family and saying, "you are mine!"

I have decided i am going to start calling her mom. Rosa will never be my real mom, that spot is taken by the incredible woman that spent almost 40 hours bringing me into this world, but Rosa did help bring me into a new life here in Mexico. A life where i am truly happy, all the time, a kind of life that i have never experienced before. It is an incredible thing, and thus, i am going to honor her by calling her mom.

I can't help thinking that it's like how Christ is with each one of us. Rosa took me in, even though i had problems, cultural problems, that she knew could happen again with her, but she still accepted me, she gave me the chance to change. God does the same thing with us. He takes us in, in all our grime and with all our problems, and gives us a second chance at new life :)

WHAT AN AMAZING THING IT IS!!!!!

61 days and WAY more blessings!!!!!!!!!

I have officially been here 2 months, and it has been the most amazing 2 months of my life!!! I have met so many INCREDIBLE people and they are SUCH a blessing in my life that i am dedicating an ENTIRE blog entry to them!!!! I'm doing 30 dedications for all the people who have made this chapter of my life SO WONDERFUL!!! Each person is going to get their name and at least one of the many reasons they are a blessing to me.

1. Brian Overcast- for giving me the opportunity for this incredible adventure!
2. Mireya Overcast- for always knowing the exact moment i need American food.
3. Keila Overcast- for being my fellow guerita down here and for being an incredible friend and accomplice in our many mischievous acts.
4. Erick- for being the world's most INCREDIBLE brother!!! You are always there when i need you, and you know what i need even when i don't. You take care of me, you know how to make me laugh, and i don't know what i would do without you!!!
5. Daniel- for being the best charmer i have ever met. You always make me feel like a princess. Thank you for being such a gentleman!
6. Maniwis- for being my wrestling partner and always having a smile on your face :).
7. Bety Garcia (my Mexican mom)- for being a mother figure in my life here and for always being willing to do anything and everything for me.
8. Papa Garcia- thank you for all the driving trips to my house late at night. i always feel safe when you are driving...your sons???? MOST of the time :)
9. Luis- for being my best friend down here, always being there when i need you, always keeping me sane when the kids are going crazy, and always being my fellow person to stand out with. We both walk above the crowd :)
10.Gerardo-for always being there with a hug and a smile.
11.Marco-for all our in-depth conversations. For everything we share, everything we pray for, and everything we do.
12.Luis Pi-for all our jokes and crazy hugs :)
13. Christian-for being one of the most incredible people i have ever met, you are such a great friend and you always know just what i need.
14.Leti- for being the most incredible daughter a girl could ask for.
15. Dani (Calderon Garcia)- for being the best husband EVER!!!
16. Juan Bananas-for all the bad humor, all the inside jokes, and everything in between.
17.Clau-for always being there with me to help me handle the madness of the guys.
18. Juan Peralta- for being not only my mentor, but an incredible friend here, you help me so much, i don't know what i would do here without you. i would definitely go insane!!!
19.Nadia-for being my fellow strong woman and just an incredible friend, i know you will always help me in whatever way possible.
20. Montse-for putting up with me living in your house and trying to help me whenever you can.
21.Alethia- for reminding me every day how much fun it is to be young, crazy, and alive.
22. Memo- for our in depth, sometimes intense, conversations that always leave me thinking.
23.Lydia- for being so sweet and helping me with everything i need at NOE.
24.Ale-for greeting me every morning with a smile.
25. Hugo- for you helping me enjoy Exploradores and for always making me feel welcome.
26. Irma- for always being there for me to talk to if i need it.
27. Marianne- for your kind words all the time and those wonderful smiles.
28. Yael- for always being there when i need to be put in my place.
29. Montse Maldonado-for being so sweet all the time, you are great!
30. ALL MY STUDENTS- YOU HELP ME BECOME A BETTER TEACHER EVERY DAY, BUT YOU ALSO TEACH ME EVRY DAY HOW TO BE A BETTER PERSON!!!



*And a special number 31 for Andrew Donahue, my fellow Gringo down here in the land of sun. Thank you for always listening and praying :)

Quenching the Thirst

On Monday i taught my Bible study about our thirst for God. I had been preparing for it for a few weeks and knew it was going to be great!

But little did i know how much of an impact it was going to have, not only on the kids, but on me as well.

The Bible study was centered around the story of Jesus walking on water with Peter in matthew 14:22-33. I talked about the power of water, how it can be dangerous and safe, and then started talking about quenching the thirst in our souls. My slogan for the study was Sink or Swim. I said that many people try to quench their soul's thirst for God with sin (the first 3 letters of sink) but that we need to use the k in sink to keep our eyes on Jesus (my mommy helped me come up with that part). I read the story to the kids and talked about how Peter doubted Christ, he looked down and sank as a result. We talked about how the only way we aren't going to sink in life is if we keep our eyes on Jesus.

We also talked about how, in the story, Jesus reaches out to Peter and saves him.  I am building trust with these kids, and i know it is going to help a lot when i teach them how to swim. Some of them, i think, are really scared of the water, so it will be  a big step for them to trust me entirely while we are in the water together.

Finally i talked about how the Holy Spirit in our souls, is like water for our body. It hydrates us and refreshes us constantly, but we have to choose to swallow, we have to make the choice to let it enter us fully. I challenged the kids for the next two weeks (until we go swimming) to say a short prayer every time they drink water. That way they are hydrating not only their bodies, but their souls as well.

Afterwards i got a great response from the kids. Many of them told me that they learned a lot from the lesson. It was cool also to see my words echo back to me in facebook status's from some of the kids.


This water lesson also helped me a lot too. Here in Mexico my life is more dangerous than it was in the states. Instead of crossing quiet 130th twice a day to go to and from school, here i have to cross a 5 lane highway 5 or 6 times a day. In the states i can drive everywhere, so i never have to worry about the dangers of walking. Here i walk almost everywhere and have plenty of reasons to be afraid. Even when i have an escort i am still really cautious about the people around us.  Here even some of the food i eat can be dangerous, unlike in the states where i have no fear whatsoever when it comes to food. Because my life here is more dangerous, it should be really hard on me, but it has actually been pretty easy. Why??? Because i have been SATURATING my days with prayer!!!!! God is showing me that the more of my day i fill with prayer, the less i have to worry about, and my days go SO much better!!!

I use the 15 minute walk to NOE to pray about my classes and the kids in them, randomly throughout the day when i think about someone at home i pray for them, i pray every time one of the guys walks home alone at night, i pray before and about every Bible study, and at night i pray for everyone here and at home.  Prayer is helping me here in so many ways!!!!! I am filled with a peace all the time that i have never experienced before!!! Normally in situations like this i would be really nervous all the time, but i walk down the street with confidence because God is hydrating my soul with his peace!!! I even sleep better here, i no longer thrash in my sleep, every morning when i wake up my blankets look exactly the same as they did when i went to bed. It is such a blessing!!!

God is changing me in so many ways here!!! I am being hydrated by him more and more every day, and even though this process is happening in the midst of scorching sun, i am loving every minute of it!!!!!!

Speak, Teach, & Learn

Today is the third day of classes at NOE for me. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays i have one class in the morning and three in the evening, all four of these classes are kids in their second year of English. Then on Tuesdays and Thursdays i have 2 classes in the evening, one is primary English and the other is teaching the kids that are coming to portland next year about American culture.  On Wednesdays i also help out with Exploradores, or the Mexican version of Kids Klub.

When i started teaching, i wasn't nervous at all. I have taught swim classes for years so teaching isn't new to me. However, in the classroom i felt very different. For every class, except the exchange group where Spanish is not allowed, i have to speak in Spanish at least part of the time. it is stretching me like crazy. I am worried that the kids won't respect me because they see me struggling in front of them. I pray that they will still respect me and desire to learn from me even when i make mistakes.  I told them they could laugh at me when i make a mistake in Spanish, so they all enjoy that.

I also told them that they get to be my teachers as well, so they like the idea of that. I do too, i love to learn and i love to teach, so i love it even more when i can do both of those things at the same time!

It has been really cool to use my 10 minute walk to NOE as time for prayer for my classes, and then to feel God's presence in my classroom. Yesterday, the first time i taught the primary kids, i was scared to death!!! These kids have about the equivalent of a year's worth of English, so how can they understand me if i am only speaking in English??? but God provided. He allowed me to teach in Spanish and English, in Spanish with many words i did not know that i knew, and he also provided a girl in my class who is willing to help translate what i say to the rest of the kids.

My experiences here are showing me how much i LOVE teaching!!!! This is something i want to do for the rest of my life!!! There is NO doubt at all in my mind about that!!!


*Thank you for all the prayers about my family situation. Shortly after writing that last blog i had a 3-hour conversation with my family. We took turns expressing frustrations, reviewing rules, and letting them get to know me because before that they literally knew almost nothing about me.  That conversation has made life here, since then, much easier for me. I pray that it will continue to get easier and that i will continue to become a part of this family.

Learning the Ropes the Hard Way

Learning new things is never easy and here in Morelia that is still true.  I have officially been here almost 6 weeks and i am still learning new things every day about Mexican culture.  Every day things shock or surprise me, i do something wrong, or try something different. And all of these have been quickly adding up to my realization about how far away from home i really am.

Last week i was given a verbal list from my family here about all the things i was doing wrong.  All things that in the states are completely appropriate and part of my every day life, but here, they are causing tension in the home i am staying in. I had to quickly make a decision about how much i am going to adapt to this culture. With some words of wisdom from several people i came to this conclusion:

     I am going to try to adapt to this CULTURE and the new things in it as much as possible.  This will involve changing a lot of habits i have had for a long time.  It is going to take a long time, because i have had most of these habits my entire life, but hopefully i will be able to adjust. HOWEVER, the ONLY reason i am changing who I AM is if God wants me to. HE will show me how he wants me to grow and develop as a person here, and he is the only person i am going to change who i am for.  People here may want me to act a certain way, but if that's not who i am, then i'm not going to do it. 

I will give you an example. One of the things that i am doing "wrong" here is keeping the door to my bedroom closed. My family feels like it is cutting me off from them, like i am living in my own little world instead of in theirs. I have 2 responses to this. 1) The family is rarely here, so my door IS open most of the time, they just never see it. and 2) the only time they are home, they are in their rooms doing homework (the mom is in school too) or on the computer outside my room doing homework. I keep my door closed then because i am constantly listening to music and don't want it to distract them.

Little misunderstandings like this are tearing me apart.  I have been a people pleaser my entire life.  I constantly strive my hardest to keep the people around me happy and to make sure they are proud of me.  Here that has changed dramatically. The kids at NOE know me, because they see me working, having fun, and doing all kinds of things with them. But my family only sees me in my down time, when i'm not out with the kids. And they hold me to a standard that i can't always achieve because i don't know what is right and wrong here.  God is showing me that my family's standards matter, and i should try to achieve them, but that HIS standards are what TRULY matter!!!

He is showing me that my work here is at NOE, with those kids, and impacting their lives. That i can't let the things happening at my house effect my work here. I am here to do HIS work for these incredible kids, to give them my heart and everything else i have for HIS glory, and that is what i need to be focusing on.

Things here are so different. Some of it i like, and some of it i hate, but all of it is my life right now, and i have to embrace it as best as i can.

Please be praying for me in these next few weeks that i can continue to adjust to the different way of life here and that the people i am around will be patient and realize that this is hard for me.

    

Teaching about Strength, sharing about God's, NOT my Own

Last night i had the privilege to teach the Bible study at NOE and a group of about 20 kids were crammed into 1 small classroom to hear me speak. When Juan asked me to share, 2 or 3 weeks ago, i had just finished writing my blog on strength. He told me to pray and ask God what i should share about. After a lot of prayer and reflection, i realized that i was supposed to teach about strength.  In the last 2 months SO much has happened in my life dealing with strength, and so much of it had to do with my journey to them, that i felt it was what i HAD to share about.

God helped make the process very easy for me. i spent several days using concordances and searching through my Bible finding verses i had read about strength.  i then looked for verses i could use that related to the story i was going to tell.  I decided to share both about my sudden trip to the hospital 2 months ago and my flights here because those experiences forever changed my perspective on strength, and where my strength TRULY comes from.

As i was sharing i felt really encouraged, a lot of the kids laughed at my jokes, well they laughed when juan talked because he was translating for me, and they seemed to be listening really well when i was saying the stuff that mattered. Afterwards i got a great response!!!! Several people came up to me and told me how good it was and how much they enjoyed it.  However, three people encouraged me very much:
*One person shared with me how she has a similar problem and whenever she hears stories about how other people deal with it, she is really encouraged.
*One person told me that he had a similar thing with his heart. A problem that at first the doctors weren't sure what it was. But he repeated something (in Spanish) that i had said in my lesson that almost brought me to tears. he said, "God has the strength and that's all that matters."
*And another person that really encouraged me is one of my close friends down here who told me that he had a similar scare like i did.  He felt the same way i used to, that he was strong, and that his strength was his own, not God's. But he was mugged 2 months ago, and his view on strength changed dramatically.  He said he was really encouraged by what i said and that made me really happy.

All in all the lesson went really well, i feel like God gave me the words to get the message across that he wanted.  I'm so glad my story helped make an impact, but ALL the glory goes to God, because he gave me the words to speak, i was just opening and closing my mouth.

Please be praying for my continuing ministry here.  Juan is going to do  a Bible study based on the Driven life, and then at the end is going to teach all the kids how to drive (because it isn't as common for teenagers here.)  After he finishes that i am going to be teaching a similar type lesson on our thirst for God and how water is used int he Bible.  At the end i am going to teach the kids how to swim (because a LOT of them don't know how).  Please be praying for us as we prepare for these lessons.  Pray that the kids will enjoy it, that they will be open to it, and that not only the practical things, but the spiritual things in the lesson will change their lives forever.

NOE's Impact

I awoke this morning at 5:40 to the sound of people's excited voices. i was startled and disoriented until i remembered that i hadn't slept in my bedroom (so it wasn't weird that i was hearing about 100 voices).  I realized that i was still in the van at NOE, where i had only gotten about 2 hours of sleep, but had been since 5 o'clock int he afternoon yesterday.  Yes, for those who like mind puzzles, you figured it out, i spent the night at NOE.

When Luis/Brian Overcast got to NOE at 6 am he saw me and said, "wow, you stayed all night???" I said, "Si, por la experiencia." (Yes, for the experience.)

Let me explain. Today and Monday are the biggest days at NOE because it is registration for the year.  In the past i have experienced registration for high school as waking up and getting ready at 6 am to stand in line when the doors opened at 7. The wait wasn't too long, i was with my friends, and the whole process was over by 9 am.  This registration was ENTIRELY different!!!!!

I arrived at NOE at 12:15 yesterday to help finish cleaning out the classrooms. i saw a family sitting outside and thought nothing of it (it is very common because there is shade by NOE so families are often there in the afternoon.)  However at 3:00 when Erick and i left, there were 5 families. That was a little weird.  Erick turned to me and said, "they are waiting in line for registration."  I said, "but registration is tomorrow, at 9 am!!!" And he said, "yes, but people want their spot, so they wait ad spend the night here in the ark and then get their numbers tomorrow morning." i was ASTONISHED!!! It was about 20 hours before registration and there were already 5 families waiting.

I went back at 5 with Erick to NOE to be briefed on the schedule for registration.  They have it organized really well so that it only takes a family about 5 minutes to be completely registered for classes at NOE.  I decided that i wanted to spend the night at NOE, to experience what these families go through to ensure that their children have a place there.  When we went outside after the meeting at 6, there were now about 10 families.  We hung out there for a while and i found out that several of my friends were going to spend the night too. Even though they were already guaranteed a spot because of their level of English, their younger siblings were not, so they came with them.  I got my stuff from my house at 7:15 and then stayed at NOE.

We had a blast!!!!! I brought henna tattoos and had my laptop with me so the kids were enjoying my music. I also now have a fan, a little girl named Katzumi who is probably about 8 years old. She stared at me for about 2 hours and then finally got the courage to come up and talk to me while i was with Erick.  She couldn't stop smiling because she was using broken English and i was using broken Spanish, but the communication went really well. She hung out with us, watched me give henna tattoos, and listened to em sing to the songs on my laptop, she wanted me to sing Selena Gomez, but i didn't have any, so i played a Justin Beiber song just for her.

The energy coming from our group was the only energy in the room.  Most of the adults were sitting in chairs reading or talking quietly to each other.  It was moving to see the commitment these people have to their children, and the hope for a better future for them.  Some of our group left, and things started winding down around 2 am when we all went to the van.  We spread out and listened to music for about another 2 hours because the lights were on in NOE so it was really hard to go to sleep.  I kept looking out the window and seeing people falling asleep in their chairs.  I imagined how uncomfortable they must be, because i was uncomfortable and i was sleeping in a van! That was at least carpeted!

Then at around 5:40 i was woken up by people getting excited. Luis/Brian comes at 6 so families were getting in order so they could receive their numbers.  When Luis got there everyone was silent while he talked and explained the process. Everyone was given a number and the approximate time that number would be called. They were instructed to be there early though, or they may get skipped.  The families all left and Luis took me home to get some much needed rest.

I wanted to go back this morning and watch the registration, but i woke up at 11:53 and it ended at 1 so i wasn't able to go.  I was still happy though because i got to experience a big part of NOE that isn't often thought of.  When Luis came to talk to the parents, one of the first things he said was that he appreciated their sacrifice.  Sacrifice indeed!!! It is obvious that these families care a lot about their children. They want a bright future for them and they know that NOE can help provide that.  NOE is making an impact and i am honored to be here and be a part of what God is doing though this INCREDIBLE ministry!!!