Reflection Time: Looking back on Senior Year

*Just for the record, this reflection is going to start in September of 2010 and go until today :)

I thought i was queen of the world. Going into senior year looking at a great athletic year, a great academic year, and a promising future deciding which 4 year college to go to that had water polo. Looking back i laugh at myself, as i'm sure God was laughing, because i had plans. I was telling God what i wanted and saying it was his "will." Boy did i get punished for that one.

The turmoil started the first week of school, when we were going for water polo captains. I thought i would be better than the other senior and i knew it would be a great addition to my stats for college polo. After circumstances that were out of my control, i didn't get it. I was prepared to accept it, but instead was tortured and cut at my entire season!!! I saw the turmoil of my sophomore season multiplied and it tore me apart. Polo went from being my favorite sport, to something that was ripping apart my dignity, my hope, my future, and my strength. Emotionally the season was tearing at me, and also physically, my shoulder was worse than ever! Every game was a fight against the pain, and i was scared i wasn't going to be able to finish the season. I remember at one point crying out to God, pleading with him not to take water polo away from me!!! After that prayer i realized that God was telling me that maybe my whole future shouldn't be oriented around something that could be taken away from me with one serious blow to my shoulder.

*Without knowing it "god" number one was filtered out of my life.

i used the winter to refocus and recover. Saw a doctor about my shoulder and was signed up to go see a specialist. I began to focus more on school now that sports were out of the way. I was renewing friendships, making new friends, and losing friends that i didn't need.  I looked alright on the outside, but on the inside i was a scared mess.  Every plan i had seemed to be falling apart. I had lost polo, was possibly going to lose track because of my shoulder, and was running low on time to find a school. Every one i looked at didn't seem right. After a Christian College Conference for all the schools in the Northwest, i felt utterly defeated.  On the drive home i remember my mom turning to me and out of the clear blue asking if i wanted to go to Mt. Hood Community College for a year to get more of my pre-reqs done before heading off to a big school? I said yes, but that i also wanted to go to Mexico.

My beautiful Mexico. I hadn't realized until that moment that an internship at NOE had been sitting in the back of my head all along!!! And now that i wanted to study teaching, it made more sense than ever. There was only one problem....i had just turned 18, and the age for interns was 20 and up. But i applied anyway, and prayed to God that i would get accepted. I felt like it was what i needed to do.

My answer came in December a few days after my brother from Mexico came to spend the holidays with us. At a swim meet in the middle of december, i got the text message that would change my life. The text from the intern coordinator in Portland that i was going to Mexico!!!!! I was happier than words could express!!!!!

The next few months flew by and dragged on at the same time (if that is possible).  The months flew because everyone was counting. The epidemic of senioritis was spreading quickly, hitting my classmates and friends, and eventually me. But i wasn't just counting down to graduation, i was counting down to the day the Dream Team would arrive, and then 30 days later the even bigger day when i would fly back to Morelia with them. But the months also dragged on because of my intense physical therapy, my entire track season i don't think i completed more than 5 full practices with my team. I had to change my workouts and my routines to work with my physical therapy, and my ever weakening shoulder.  My hope rested entirely on going to state. It was my time, and i had the ability, but i didn't have faith that my shoulder, or God for that matter, could take me there. As state got closer and closer i got better and better, but it was never good enough. I sometimes would throw to the point of exhaustion begging my body to push a  little bit more to hit the mark i needed. it was all i wanted. My coach is a wonderful Christian man and i don't know how i would have gotten through the season without him.  He took me by the horns, broke me down, and turned me into the kind of athlete that i had always wanted to be. He helped keep me grounded in the fact that whether i won or lost, it was all part of God's plan, and all i could do is give 100%. Well the big day came, and of course, we were blessed with rain. in the freezing cold i did everything i could to do the best i could, but metal and rain don't mix. I was able to keep control and get decent throws that got me into the finals, but i was still almost 10 feet short of what i needed. By the time it was my last throw i was almost in tears. I was giving it everything i safely could, and i was still not making it. For my last throw i screamed and used every inch of power in my body...and still through 6 feet short of the necessary mark.

I was absolutely devastated. But the new was that there was a chance i could wild card in because some of the girls above me in another conference had done worse than me. I praised God because i still had a chance. I thought, "God took polo captain away from me, he wouldn't take this away too!!!" It took about a week to get the news, and every day of that week felt like an eternity. I still remember the look on my coaches face as he walked into my classroom and told my teacher he needed to talk to me. I only had to look at him to know. Outside with him and my best friend holding on to me, he told me i hadn't gotten it. Some other people who had gone in lower than me had thrown really well and knocked me out of my spot.  I felt like my strength had finally run out. I was done trying.

*Without knowing, "god" number 2 was beginning to filter out of my life.

The next few weeks flew by! I had my last day of school, i graduated, and before i knew it i was training to go to work for the summer! It was so weird to think that my entire educational life was summed up in 5 seconds with 3 handshakes and a little piece of paper. but hey, i was done!!! My focus was now on work and waiting for my Dream Team kids to arrive.

They got here and helped me have one of the best summers of my life. I enjoyed every day and loved getting closer and closer to them. Then my world was shaken again, just when i thought everything was going perfect, i found myself in the hospital not able to breathe. Laying on a bed in the emergency room i was scared that i was dying. I thought about everyone i wouldn't be able to say goodbye to, everything i still wanted to do, and everything i had done. My strength was gone, my body had failed me once again, and i was leaning to trust less in it and more in God every second.  After 4 hours i got out of the hospital and was sent home. From that moment on i have tried to treasure every moment as if it were my last, because it could very well be.

Before i knew it we were at the airport and a new chapter of my life was about to begin. Goodbyes were bittersweet, i wanted to leave and get to Mexico to say my hellos, but i also didn't want to leave the warmth of the friends and family i was leaving. but i did, i got on the plane and was on my way. I thought that was it, but God had one more test in store! I threw up the medicine i use to help me fly because i was so upset, and then when i got on the plane, the shock bracelet i use to fly broke as well. I started crying and pleaded with God. I said that i was entirely in his hands now, and then realized that was what he had wanted all along. I still got sick on the flight, but smiled as it happened because i knew God was holding on to me.  The second flight was even worse, an air-bus, hot, with severe turbulance, but God was good and helped me not only to fly without being sick, but to be able to fill out all my paperwork and barely to feel how much the plane was rocking. I went through hell and back that day but the smiling faces and open arms waiting for me in the lobby of the airport made it allllll worth it :)

And now i am in Mexico, living life as i have never lived it before. I am experiencing types of challenges that i never knew existed, and learning things about the world and about myself that i never even imagined possible. I have grown more as a person in these last few months than in almost the equivalent of my entire life. The woman that will come back to Portland is nothing like the girl that left.  I have found my passion in teaching and even enjoy the challenge of trying to learn a new language! But more than anything here, my heart and soul are touched every day by the presence of God i can feel now more  than ever before in my life. He shows me his unending love, devotion, grace, and mercy every day here in Morelia. And he has blessed me with many angels that continue to show me what the true meaning of love is, even when i forget.

God took my "gods" out of my life this year. The first, he took my focus off of my sports and put it more on him. He taught me that my world doesn't need to revolve around whether i win or lose a game or a competition, but that i can still love my sports, and i do. And the second "god" he took out of my life was my strength. I have always been the strong one, but god showed me that compared to his strength, mine is like an ant fighting the ocean, and so HIS strength is the one i need to rely on!!!!!


So here's to this last year. The year that changed a girl into a woman. The hardest year i have had yet, but also BY FAR the most fulfilling!!!!!]

Praise God for another year!!!!

Happy New Year EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!