Facing My Fears

"Take your position."
"Take my position."
"Face your fears."
"Face my fears."
"And hold your ground until the last POSSIBLE moment!"

This portion of dialogue is between my two favorite characters in one of my all-time favorite animated movies, Quest for Camelot.  The first speaker is Garrett, a strong character, but he is blind and later his fear of that becomes obvious.  He is teaching the other main character, Kaylee, how to get through an enchanted forrest with dangers around every corner. I may not be in an enchanted forrest, but here in Morelia, i need to learn to face my fears.

Today the director of NOE, Brian Overcast, came to talk to me about going to the doctor.  After we had that conversation we went on to talk about how i can adapt better to the culture.  We talked about sleeping, what time i got to bed and what time i wake up; that will continue to change as i continue to get used to the time here.  We talked about eating, even though that is a sensitive subject right now because i'm sick.  Then we talked about the thing i have been DREADING!!! Going places by myself.  Walking from one place to another without an escort, just me, myself, and i, walking down the streets of Morelia.

My face immediately changed when he said this.  But then he said something to me that gave me a challenge that i cannot refuse.  He said that even though i am 18, he heard that i was really mature for my age, and therefore here i am not going to be babied, i am going to be treated like an adult.  That is what i want here.  I don't want to be treated like some spoiled, "rich" girl from the states who needs help with everything, i want to be treated like a woman who is here to do work for the Glory of God.

I hadn't realized until that moment, how genuinely scared i was to go somewhere alone here.  I mean i have said it to people here, because i am always asking someone to come get me, but until that moment, it hadn't really hit me that the fear was so deep within my heart.  I wasn't initially scared.  I knew that this is what God wanted me to do, and therefore i had no fear, but sadly, since getting here, that confidence has slowly escaped my body.  It hasn't helped that a lot of people at home, jokingly, tell me not to get shot or kidnapped here.  It does happen and every time i walk down the street, it seems like those scenarios become more and more real in my head.

That is the position i am in.  I have taken it and was ready to spend my 6 months in Morelia never going anywhere by myself.  Being consumed by the fear that my blonde hair and fair skin would make me too much of a target for it to be "safe" for me to go anywhere alone.

But God showed me today, that i can't do that.  With fear in my heart, i cannot do the work that He has sent me here to do, for Him!!!  1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear."  I desire a perfect love for these people.  I love them with all of my heart and hope that with God's help, that can continue to grow into a love that somehow resembles the perfect love he had for us, the love he showed when he died on a cross for all our sins.  But in order to have that kind of love, i cannot have fear.  My love for these kids, and my desire to be with them will help drive out the fear in my heart of going anywhere alone in Morelia.

 Therefore i am facing my fears.  It will be baby steps, starting with a walk to the store, then across the big freeway to someone's house, or NOE, but the process is going to begin.  The fear is leaving my body, my heart, and my soul because i know God is with me here.  I am never walking down the streets alone, he is surrounding me, at my right hand, and his angels are watching over me.  "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.  you will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; i will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91: 11-14.  


Yes it will still be scary, or tense at times, but God will help me continue to lose this fear as my trust in him strengthens with every time i leave the house.  I will learn to hold my ground until the last possible moment, because i have the ultimate protector by my side.  "The lord is with me, i will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Psalm 118:6.