Every year, Valentines Day has been a curse in my life. A day set aside in the year to shove it in my face and then rub some dirt in it that i'm single. Normally, it's the only day of the year i wish i wasn't single, but it still hurts, and each year it hurts a little more. My parents have always done a good job of helping us look at family love on Valentines Day, but even that can't take away the sting of seeing so many people around me so happy in their relationships.
I was kind of dreading this day in Mexico, because here, my family wouldn't even be here to share their love with me. But i decided to put my best foot forward and try to make my first Valentines Day in Mexico very memorable. I had no idea then how much God was going to bless me that day!!!!!!!!!!
My morning was spent shopping and baking. February 14th, a day that i used to hate, is the birthday of my incredible best friend in Morelia, Luis, so i was baking for the party we were having for him, and 2 more of my students who also had birthdays in February. I was also shopping for a present for Luis, ingredients, and 3 mini cakes to smash in the faces of my three students with birthdays (crazy and often rather violent Mexican tradition that i happen to love). Both the apple pies and the brownies turned out great and i went to NOE a very happy person. When i got there i played basketball with some friends because only 2 of the girls on the basketball team decided to show up for practice.
After that it was time for class. Everyone put the food they had bought or prepared in the middle of the table and we had a feast while we wrote little Valentines cards to each other. In the midst of all of it i was surprised at how happy i was. Then it began to dawn on me why i was so happy:
In the states, Valentines Day is centered around those who are in relationships. And if you aren't in a relationship, Valentines Day sucks. But here in Mexico it is different. The day is named Amor de Amistad, or love of friendship. This means that it is just as normal for people to give presents to their friends, as it is to give a present to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Here it's not a day that points the finger and says, "ha you're single!" It's a day that celebrates romantic love, but also the unbreakable, and incredible kind of love that exists among friends. Upon that realization i was perfectly happy to end my day and go home having my first fun Valentines Day in my memory. But i had a lot more in store!!!!!
At the end of the party we proceeded to put all 3 of the guys faces in their cakes at the same time. It worked beautifully, but turned to chaos when Luis turned around, picked up the plate of cake, and pushed it into my face. As soon as that happened, all hell broke loose. Cake flew, people screamed, jumped on chairs and tables to get away, and after a few minutes we all stopped to look at each other covered in cake and frosting, but even the ones who got hit the hardest were no match for the mess that the classroom was. We spent the next hour laughing and getting cleaned up. I had cake everywhere on my clothes and in over half of my hair, so one of my students took me home to get cleaned up. when i was ready, we went and got another friend and then went back to my students house to watch a movie.
People started coming to join us with the movie and that was completely normal, but then 3 brothers who never do stuff with us showed up at the door with guitars in hand. Over the next hour 7 of the guys, with a guitar for each of them, practiced the songs they were going to sing in a serenade for select girls from NOE and their schools. We walked off into the night to begin. It was adorable, hearing them sing and seeing the faces of the girls light up like the fourth of July when they came to the door hearing "(insert name here) your name is a poem of love, your eyes are the lights of the sky, and your lips the foam of the sea." (IT SOUNDS EVEN CUTER IN SPANISH!!!!!) After the first house i was informed that i was part of the routine, and they were all upset because now they couldn't sing to me. So we decided that i would be the last one, but i still got to go with them. So i held the roses they presented to a select few girls and heard these amazing boys sing songs of love to about 10 different girls. My heart was overwhelmed with love for them and pride in the fact that they were making so many girls feel so special that night. When my turn came i literally almost cried.
So that was my story, and now to the point. Sorry for all the ushy, gushy stuff, but that used to be all that Valentines Day was about for me, well moreover, the lack of it in my life, but still, you get the idea. Now Valentines Day means something ENTIRELY different thanks to a food fight, seven young men with guitars, my incredible friends here, and a long-stemmed red rose.
Valentines Day will no longer be a day of pain or sorrow for me. It will no longer be a day when i cry when i'm by myself and think, "why isn't it okay to be alone???" Now i realize that i am never alone. From now on Valentines Day is going to be a day of celebration for me. A day to honor each and every one of the incredible people that God has placed in my life. A day to give them my love, to thank them for being a piece of my life, and to continue to show them the greatest love of all, the love of Christ.
The days are winding down, and my heart is continuing to rip in to. It wants to stay here with this indescribable group of people i have shared the last seven months with, but at the same time it is ready to go home and see the people who have taught me how to love my whole life.
I take comfort in this: that the love i have for the people here is so strong that it will not let me forget my life and the things i have learned here. Here in Morelia they taught me about a different kind of love, and now it is time for me to go home and share this new love with the other people in my life.
29 days and i will be home. The love of the people here will always be with me, the love of people at home is pulling me there, and the love of Christ will get me through this time that is now before me.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
My Number.........19
March 19th.....i´ve known for a few weeks now, is the day i come back to my beloved Portland.
March 19th.....i get to see my incredible family and friends again.
But....March 19th i also have to say goodbye to my beautiful Morelia.
19 has seriously been my number for this trip. I turned 19 while i was here in Mexico, i have about 19 people here that i don´t know what i would do without. 19 is about the number of times i thank God each and every day that i am here in this incredible place. 19 ius about the number of students who come to the Bible Study each week. 19 is about the total number of shirts that i have that i have been living in for the last almost 7 months.
19 has been a very good thing for me!!!!!1
But 19 is also now very sad. March 19th is the day i leave this incredible place. 19 around the number of people at home who i am starting to miss more and more every day. And 19 is also probably about the number of little things when i am home that i am going to miss each and every day about Mexico.
My emotions are alllllllllllllllllll over the place right now. I don´t knwo whether to be happy or sad, and i don´t know how to be both. But God is helping me through this whole thing. Home is close. In 1 month and 20 days i will be on a plane back to Portland, and about 10 hours after i get on that plane, i will be at home, hugging my family, frtiends, and my dogs (who i miss sooooooooooooooo much) for the first time in over 8 months.
It´s a crazy thing. I want to count down to see my family and friends at home, but at the same time i want the minutes to go by as slowly as possible while i am here!!! God is helping me though. He´s showing me how to make the best of every day, bettering myself and helping the people around me. He´s also beginning to put a subtle feeling in my heart that it is time to go home, and for the first time since i´ve been here, i am starting to feel okay with that.
March 19th.....i get to see my incredible family and friends again.
But....March 19th i also have to say goodbye to my beautiful Morelia.
19 has seriously been my number for this trip. I turned 19 while i was here in Mexico, i have about 19 people here that i don´t know what i would do without. 19 is about the number of times i thank God each and every day that i am here in this incredible place. 19 ius about the number of students who come to the Bible Study each week. 19 is about the total number of shirts that i have that i have been living in for the last almost 7 months.
19 has been a very good thing for me!!!!!1
But 19 is also now very sad. March 19th is the day i leave this incredible place. 19 around the number of people at home who i am starting to miss more and more every day. And 19 is also probably about the number of little things when i am home that i am going to miss each and every day about Mexico.
My emotions are alllllllllllllllllll over the place right now. I don´t knwo whether to be happy or sad, and i don´t know how to be both. But God is helping me through this whole thing. Home is close. In 1 month and 20 days i will be on a plane back to Portland, and about 10 hours after i get on that plane, i will be at home, hugging my family, frtiends, and my dogs (who i miss sooooooooooooooo much) for the first time in over 8 months.
It´s a crazy thing. I want to count down to see my family and friends at home, but at the same time i want the minutes to go by as slowly as possible while i am here!!! God is helping me though. He´s showing me how to make the best of every day, bettering myself and helping the people around me. He´s also beginning to put a subtle feeling in my heart that it is time to go home, and for the first time since i´ve been here, i am starting to feel okay with that.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Triple Threat
Many times, in both water polo and basketball, i have heard myself referred to as a triple threat. For basketball i could dribble, pass and shoot and in water polo i'm a fast swimmer, can pass, and can shoot. I have always been the WHOLE triple threat, all three parts. Now i'm learning how to share, how to be a third of the triple instead of the whole thing itself.
Until a week ago, i had been the only intern at NOE. Andrew left on December 16th and so i had the kids "to myself" for literally a month. We all missed Andrew a lot, and i missed having someone else who spoke English before Spanish, but at the same time, i kind of enjoyed being the only one.
Then last Monday, Esther Chan arrived. Sadly because of our similar class schedules we didn't get to spend a lot of time together because we both were in class at the same time. We had one conversation for about 10 minutes and that was it. I was sad because i wanted to get to know her better, but at the same time, didn't want to attach myself too quickly because my date to return to Portland is quickly approaching.
Then yesterday, Kristen Main also arrived. I went to the airport and as i saw her reuniting with her loved ones i had severe flashbacks to when that was me a few months ago. In that moment it felt like i was coming all over again, like this dream of a life i have been living had really BEEN a dream, and that i hadn't just lived the best 5 months of my life.
I was thinking about it last night after i got home. I am no longer the only intern, now there's two more girls here with me. I was honestly a little upset. I didn't want to have to share these incredible kids that i have come to know and love during my trips to NOE. But God showed me tonight that i was being selfish, and that i needed a serious slap in the face.
Tonight was the first time all 3 of us girls had been in the same room, we were with about 6 NOE kids though so we didn't get to talk a lot. Most of the conversation was filled with laughing about various jokes and all getting to know each other better. Tonight i realized that we make the perfect triple threat!!!!! We have Kristen, the oldest of the 3 of us. Definitely the quietest but really sweet and always has a smile on her face. Then Esther, and her crazy, spunky personality that reminds us all about how great it is to be young. And then me, (wow i'm the baby even though i'm the tallest by at least 6 inches) with my slightly harder personality, serious, but am always ready for a good time.
Looking around the circle of faces tonight, i realized that the three of us really balance each other out. Our personalities are all different and we all have something different and unique to bring to NOE and the mission here. I realized in that moment that i should never be upset that new people come to NOE. I should be thankful that God is opening the eyes of people all over the place about the INCREDIBLE work that is happening here at NOE International. That i'm not "sharing" these kids i know and love so much, because they aren't mine to share!!! Each one of these kids is a miracle from God that has been wonderfully placed in my life. They have touched my life in ways i will never be able to explain, and i should rejoice that they do that for other people as well.
So i am here, making a commitment, to embrace this triple threat i am now a part of. To d everything i can to work as a team with these other amazing women and the staff at NOE to continue the AMAZING work that goes on here every day.
Watch out Mexico, the Triple Threat is on a mission to do God's work in NOE and NOTHING can stop us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until a week ago, i had been the only intern at NOE. Andrew left on December 16th and so i had the kids "to myself" for literally a month. We all missed Andrew a lot, and i missed having someone else who spoke English before Spanish, but at the same time, i kind of enjoyed being the only one.
Then last Monday, Esther Chan arrived. Sadly because of our similar class schedules we didn't get to spend a lot of time together because we both were in class at the same time. We had one conversation for about 10 minutes and that was it. I was sad because i wanted to get to know her better, but at the same time, didn't want to attach myself too quickly because my date to return to Portland is quickly approaching.
Then yesterday, Kristen Main also arrived. I went to the airport and as i saw her reuniting with her loved ones i had severe flashbacks to when that was me a few months ago. In that moment it felt like i was coming all over again, like this dream of a life i have been living had really BEEN a dream, and that i hadn't just lived the best 5 months of my life.
I was thinking about it last night after i got home. I am no longer the only intern, now there's two more girls here with me. I was honestly a little upset. I didn't want to have to share these incredible kids that i have come to know and love during my trips to NOE. But God showed me tonight that i was being selfish, and that i needed a serious slap in the face.
Tonight was the first time all 3 of us girls had been in the same room, we were with about 6 NOE kids though so we didn't get to talk a lot. Most of the conversation was filled with laughing about various jokes and all getting to know each other better. Tonight i realized that we make the perfect triple threat!!!!! We have Kristen, the oldest of the 3 of us. Definitely the quietest but really sweet and always has a smile on her face. Then Esther, and her crazy, spunky personality that reminds us all about how great it is to be young. And then me, (wow i'm the baby even though i'm the tallest by at least 6 inches) with my slightly harder personality, serious, but am always ready for a good time.
Looking around the circle of faces tonight, i realized that the three of us really balance each other out. Our personalities are all different and we all have something different and unique to bring to NOE and the mission here. I realized in that moment that i should never be upset that new people come to NOE. I should be thankful that God is opening the eyes of people all over the place about the INCREDIBLE work that is happening here at NOE International. That i'm not "sharing" these kids i know and love so much, because they aren't mine to share!!! Each one of these kids is a miracle from God that has been wonderfully placed in my life. They have touched my life in ways i will never be able to explain, and i should rejoice that they do that for other people as well.
So i am here, making a commitment, to embrace this triple threat i am now a part of. To d everything i can to work as a team with these other amazing women and the staff at NOE to continue the AMAZING work that goes on here every day.
Watch out Mexico, the Triple Threat is on a mission to do God's work in NOE and NOTHING can stop us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Reflection Time: Looking back on Senior Year
*Just for the record, this reflection is going to start in September of 2010 and go until today :)
I thought i was queen of the world. Going into senior year looking at a great athletic year, a great academic year, and a promising future deciding which 4 year college to go to that had water polo. Looking back i laugh at myself, as i'm sure God was laughing, because i had plans. I was telling God what i wanted and saying it was his "will." Boy did i get punished for that one.
The turmoil started the first week of school, when we were going for water polo captains. I thought i would be better than the other senior and i knew it would be a great addition to my stats for college polo. After circumstances that were out of my control, i didn't get it. I was prepared to accept it, but instead was tortured and cut at my entire season!!! I saw the turmoil of my sophomore season multiplied and it tore me apart. Polo went from being my favorite sport, to something that was ripping apart my dignity, my hope, my future, and my strength. Emotionally the season was tearing at me, and also physically, my shoulder was worse than ever! Every game was a fight against the pain, and i was scared i wasn't going to be able to finish the season. I remember at one point crying out to God, pleading with him not to take water polo away from me!!! After that prayer i realized that God was telling me that maybe my whole future shouldn't be oriented around something that could be taken away from me with one serious blow to my shoulder.
*Without knowing it "god" number one was filtered out of my life.
i used the winter to refocus and recover. Saw a doctor about my shoulder and was signed up to go see a specialist. I began to focus more on school now that sports were out of the way. I was renewing friendships, making new friends, and losing friends that i didn't need. I looked alright on the outside, but on the inside i was a scared mess. Every plan i had seemed to be falling apart. I had lost polo, was possibly going to lose track because of my shoulder, and was running low on time to find a school. Every one i looked at didn't seem right. After a Christian College Conference for all the schools in the Northwest, i felt utterly defeated. On the drive home i remember my mom turning to me and out of the clear blue asking if i wanted to go to Mt. Hood Community College for a year to get more of my pre-reqs done before heading off to a big school? I said yes, but that i also wanted to go to Mexico.
My beautiful Mexico. I hadn't realized until that moment that an internship at NOE had been sitting in the back of my head all along!!! And now that i wanted to study teaching, it made more sense than ever. There was only one problem....i had just turned 18, and the age for interns was 20 and up. But i applied anyway, and prayed to God that i would get accepted. I felt like it was what i needed to do.
My answer came in December a few days after my brother from Mexico came to spend the holidays with us. At a swim meet in the middle of december, i got the text message that would change my life. The text from the intern coordinator in Portland that i was going to Mexico!!!!! I was happier than words could express!!!!!
The next few months flew by and dragged on at the same time (if that is possible). The months flew because everyone was counting. The epidemic of senioritis was spreading quickly, hitting my classmates and friends, and eventually me. But i wasn't just counting down to graduation, i was counting down to the day the Dream Team would arrive, and then 30 days later the even bigger day when i would fly back to Morelia with them. But the months also dragged on because of my intense physical therapy, my entire track season i don't think i completed more than 5 full practices with my team. I had to change my workouts and my routines to work with my physical therapy, and my ever weakening shoulder. My hope rested entirely on going to state. It was my time, and i had the ability, but i didn't have faith that my shoulder, or God for that matter, could take me there. As state got closer and closer i got better and better, but it was never good enough. I sometimes would throw to the point of exhaustion begging my body to push a little bit more to hit the mark i needed. it was all i wanted. My coach is a wonderful Christian man and i don't know how i would have gotten through the season without him. He took me by the horns, broke me down, and turned me into the kind of athlete that i had always wanted to be. He helped keep me grounded in the fact that whether i won or lost, it was all part of God's plan, and all i could do is give 100%. Well the big day came, and of course, we were blessed with rain. in the freezing cold i did everything i could to do the best i could, but metal and rain don't mix. I was able to keep control and get decent throws that got me into the finals, but i was still almost 10 feet short of what i needed. By the time it was my last throw i was almost in tears. I was giving it everything i safely could, and i was still not making it. For my last throw i screamed and used every inch of power in my body...and still through 6 feet short of the necessary mark.
I was absolutely devastated. But the new was that there was a chance i could wild card in because some of the girls above me in another conference had done worse than me. I praised God because i still had a chance. I thought, "God took polo captain away from me, he wouldn't take this away too!!!" It took about a week to get the news, and every day of that week felt like an eternity. I still remember the look on my coaches face as he walked into my classroom and told my teacher he needed to talk to me. I only had to look at him to know. Outside with him and my best friend holding on to me, he told me i hadn't gotten it. Some other people who had gone in lower than me had thrown really well and knocked me out of my spot. I felt like my strength had finally run out. I was done trying.
*Without knowing, "god" number 2 was beginning to filter out of my life.
The next few weeks flew by! I had my last day of school, i graduated, and before i knew it i was training to go to work for the summer! It was so weird to think that my entire educational life was summed up in 5 seconds with 3 handshakes and a little piece of paper. but hey, i was done!!! My focus was now on work and waiting for my Dream Team kids to arrive.
They got here and helped me have one of the best summers of my life. I enjoyed every day and loved getting closer and closer to them. Then my world was shaken again, just when i thought everything was going perfect, i found myself in the hospital not able to breathe. Laying on a bed in the emergency room i was scared that i was dying. I thought about everyone i wouldn't be able to say goodbye to, everything i still wanted to do, and everything i had done. My strength was gone, my body had failed me once again, and i was leaning to trust less in it and more in God every second. After 4 hours i got out of the hospital and was sent home. From that moment on i have tried to treasure every moment as if it were my last, because it could very well be.
Before i knew it we were at the airport and a new chapter of my life was about to begin. Goodbyes were bittersweet, i wanted to leave and get to Mexico to say my hellos, but i also didn't want to leave the warmth of the friends and family i was leaving. but i did, i got on the plane and was on my way. I thought that was it, but God had one more test in store! I threw up the medicine i use to help me fly because i was so upset, and then when i got on the plane, the shock bracelet i use to fly broke as well. I started crying and pleaded with God. I said that i was entirely in his hands now, and then realized that was what he had wanted all along. I still got sick on the flight, but smiled as it happened because i knew God was holding on to me. The second flight was even worse, an air-bus, hot, with severe turbulance, but God was good and helped me not only to fly without being sick, but to be able to fill out all my paperwork and barely to feel how much the plane was rocking. I went through hell and back that day but the smiling faces and open arms waiting for me in the lobby of the airport made it allllll worth it :)
And now i am in Mexico, living life as i have never lived it before. I am experiencing types of challenges that i never knew existed, and learning things about the world and about myself that i never even imagined possible. I have grown more as a person in these last few months than in almost the equivalent of my entire life. The woman that will come back to Portland is nothing like the girl that left. I have found my passion in teaching and even enjoy the challenge of trying to learn a new language! But more than anything here, my heart and soul are touched every day by the presence of God i can feel now more than ever before in my life. He shows me his unending love, devotion, grace, and mercy every day here in Morelia. And he has blessed me with many angels that continue to show me what the true meaning of love is, even when i forget.
God took my "gods" out of my life this year. The first, he took my focus off of my sports and put it more on him. He taught me that my world doesn't need to revolve around whether i win or lose a game or a competition, but that i can still love my sports, and i do. And the second "god" he took out of my life was my strength. I have always been the strong one, but god showed me that compared to his strength, mine is like an ant fighting the ocean, and so HIS strength is the one i need to rely on!!!!!
So here's to this last year. The year that changed a girl into a woman. The hardest year i have had yet, but also BY FAR the most fulfilling!!!!!]
Praise God for another year!!!!
Happy New Year EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought i was queen of the world. Going into senior year looking at a great athletic year, a great academic year, and a promising future deciding which 4 year college to go to that had water polo. Looking back i laugh at myself, as i'm sure God was laughing, because i had plans. I was telling God what i wanted and saying it was his "will." Boy did i get punished for that one.
The turmoil started the first week of school, when we were going for water polo captains. I thought i would be better than the other senior and i knew it would be a great addition to my stats for college polo. After circumstances that were out of my control, i didn't get it. I was prepared to accept it, but instead was tortured and cut at my entire season!!! I saw the turmoil of my sophomore season multiplied and it tore me apart. Polo went from being my favorite sport, to something that was ripping apart my dignity, my hope, my future, and my strength. Emotionally the season was tearing at me, and also physically, my shoulder was worse than ever! Every game was a fight against the pain, and i was scared i wasn't going to be able to finish the season. I remember at one point crying out to God, pleading with him not to take water polo away from me!!! After that prayer i realized that God was telling me that maybe my whole future shouldn't be oriented around something that could be taken away from me with one serious blow to my shoulder.
*Without knowing it "god" number one was filtered out of my life.
i used the winter to refocus and recover. Saw a doctor about my shoulder and was signed up to go see a specialist. I began to focus more on school now that sports were out of the way. I was renewing friendships, making new friends, and losing friends that i didn't need. I looked alright on the outside, but on the inside i was a scared mess. Every plan i had seemed to be falling apart. I had lost polo, was possibly going to lose track because of my shoulder, and was running low on time to find a school. Every one i looked at didn't seem right. After a Christian College Conference for all the schools in the Northwest, i felt utterly defeated. On the drive home i remember my mom turning to me and out of the clear blue asking if i wanted to go to Mt. Hood Community College for a year to get more of my pre-reqs done before heading off to a big school? I said yes, but that i also wanted to go to Mexico.
My beautiful Mexico. I hadn't realized until that moment that an internship at NOE had been sitting in the back of my head all along!!! And now that i wanted to study teaching, it made more sense than ever. There was only one problem....i had just turned 18, and the age for interns was 20 and up. But i applied anyway, and prayed to God that i would get accepted. I felt like it was what i needed to do.
My answer came in December a few days after my brother from Mexico came to spend the holidays with us. At a swim meet in the middle of december, i got the text message that would change my life. The text from the intern coordinator in Portland that i was going to Mexico!!!!! I was happier than words could express!!!!!
The next few months flew by and dragged on at the same time (if that is possible). The months flew because everyone was counting. The epidemic of senioritis was spreading quickly, hitting my classmates and friends, and eventually me. But i wasn't just counting down to graduation, i was counting down to the day the Dream Team would arrive, and then 30 days later the even bigger day when i would fly back to Morelia with them. But the months also dragged on because of my intense physical therapy, my entire track season i don't think i completed more than 5 full practices with my team. I had to change my workouts and my routines to work with my physical therapy, and my ever weakening shoulder. My hope rested entirely on going to state. It was my time, and i had the ability, but i didn't have faith that my shoulder, or God for that matter, could take me there. As state got closer and closer i got better and better, but it was never good enough. I sometimes would throw to the point of exhaustion begging my body to push a little bit more to hit the mark i needed. it was all i wanted. My coach is a wonderful Christian man and i don't know how i would have gotten through the season without him. He took me by the horns, broke me down, and turned me into the kind of athlete that i had always wanted to be. He helped keep me grounded in the fact that whether i won or lost, it was all part of God's plan, and all i could do is give 100%. Well the big day came, and of course, we were blessed with rain. in the freezing cold i did everything i could to do the best i could, but metal and rain don't mix. I was able to keep control and get decent throws that got me into the finals, but i was still almost 10 feet short of what i needed. By the time it was my last throw i was almost in tears. I was giving it everything i safely could, and i was still not making it. For my last throw i screamed and used every inch of power in my body...and still through 6 feet short of the necessary mark.
I was absolutely devastated. But the new was that there was a chance i could wild card in because some of the girls above me in another conference had done worse than me. I praised God because i still had a chance. I thought, "God took polo captain away from me, he wouldn't take this away too!!!" It took about a week to get the news, and every day of that week felt like an eternity. I still remember the look on my coaches face as he walked into my classroom and told my teacher he needed to talk to me. I only had to look at him to know. Outside with him and my best friend holding on to me, he told me i hadn't gotten it. Some other people who had gone in lower than me had thrown really well and knocked me out of my spot. I felt like my strength had finally run out. I was done trying.
*Without knowing, "god" number 2 was beginning to filter out of my life.
The next few weeks flew by! I had my last day of school, i graduated, and before i knew it i was training to go to work for the summer! It was so weird to think that my entire educational life was summed up in 5 seconds with 3 handshakes and a little piece of paper. but hey, i was done!!! My focus was now on work and waiting for my Dream Team kids to arrive.
They got here and helped me have one of the best summers of my life. I enjoyed every day and loved getting closer and closer to them. Then my world was shaken again, just when i thought everything was going perfect, i found myself in the hospital not able to breathe. Laying on a bed in the emergency room i was scared that i was dying. I thought about everyone i wouldn't be able to say goodbye to, everything i still wanted to do, and everything i had done. My strength was gone, my body had failed me once again, and i was leaning to trust less in it and more in God every second. After 4 hours i got out of the hospital and was sent home. From that moment on i have tried to treasure every moment as if it were my last, because it could very well be.
Before i knew it we were at the airport and a new chapter of my life was about to begin. Goodbyes were bittersweet, i wanted to leave and get to Mexico to say my hellos, but i also didn't want to leave the warmth of the friends and family i was leaving. but i did, i got on the plane and was on my way. I thought that was it, but God had one more test in store! I threw up the medicine i use to help me fly because i was so upset, and then when i got on the plane, the shock bracelet i use to fly broke as well. I started crying and pleaded with God. I said that i was entirely in his hands now, and then realized that was what he had wanted all along. I still got sick on the flight, but smiled as it happened because i knew God was holding on to me. The second flight was even worse, an air-bus, hot, with severe turbulance, but God was good and helped me not only to fly without being sick, but to be able to fill out all my paperwork and barely to feel how much the plane was rocking. I went through hell and back that day but the smiling faces and open arms waiting for me in the lobby of the airport made it allllll worth it :)
And now i am in Mexico, living life as i have never lived it before. I am experiencing types of challenges that i never knew existed, and learning things about the world and about myself that i never even imagined possible. I have grown more as a person in these last few months than in almost the equivalent of my entire life. The woman that will come back to Portland is nothing like the girl that left. I have found my passion in teaching and even enjoy the challenge of trying to learn a new language! But more than anything here, my heart and soul are touched every day by the presence of God i can feel now more than ever before in my life. He shows me his unending love, devotion, grace, and mercy every day here in Morelia. And he has blessed me with many angels that continue to show me what the true meaning of love is, even when i forget.
God took my "gods" out of my life this year. The first, he took my focus off of my sports and put it more on him. He taught me that my world doesn't need to revolve around whether i win or lose a game or a competition, but that i can still love my sports, and i do. And the second "god" he took out of my life was my strength. I have always been the strong one, but god showed me that compared to his strength, mine is like an ant fighting the ocean, and so HIS strength is the one i need to rely on!!!!!
So here's to this last year. The year that changed a girl into a woman. The hardest year i have had yet, but also BY FAR the most fulfilling!!!!!]
Praise God for another year!!!!
Happy New Year EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, December 12, 2011
The TRUE Meaning of Christmas
-I know it's really cliche, but it's what i'm learning and how i'm feeling-
First i want to apologize that it has been almost 3 weeks since i last blogged, but the end of the trimester has left me very busy with papers, grades, etc.
Because i am 100% honest in this blog i need to warn all of you that this one is going to have a little bit of venting about all the things i miss about Christmas in the states. So here we go:
2 days ago when i started to get the idea for this blog, i wanted to call it "It's Beginning to Not Look AT ALL Like Christmas" for reasons that are about to be explained. Here in Morelia, it is still between 60 and 80 during the day. i am still walking around in t-shirts and capris without being cold in the slightest. At night it is a different story, but during the day i am still hot and almost miserable. Many stores play American Christmas music and people look at me funny when i am singing along while i shop. Other than the music however, it wasn't feeling at ALL like Christmas to me!!! Christmas means looking for rain that will soon turn into snow. Christmas means breaking out my boots and cute winter clothes so i can constantly be warm and cozy. Christmas means waking up every morning and smelling the Christmas tree. Christmas means making another wreath to hang somewhere in the house. Christmas means breaking out the huge pile of old Christmas movies and watching them one by one with my family. Christmas means baking delicious things with your family and shopping for presents. Christmas means EGGNOG!!!!! Christmas means me chopping wood for our fireplace and helping my mom get ready for our huge annual Christmas Party, which is one of the highlights of my year!!!
I know this is kind of immature but this IS how i was feeling until Friday. When people would ask me, "are you excited for your first Mexican Christmas???" I would smile and say yes, but inside i was screaming, "THIS ISN'T CHRISTMAS!!!"
I needed a good slap in the face, and man did i get one this last Friday during the Christmas service at NOE.
I had no idea what this thing was. It's called a Pre-Posada, so i asked what that meant. Posada's are a Catholic tradition in Mexico where people act out the Christmas story, walking from house to house looking for "room" for a party. One family is designated to say yes each time the people go walking and they stop at that house and have a party. The pre-Posada is another party where they sing, drink this delicious drink called Ponche, and break piñatas. So that is what we did in the Ark at NOE. I wasn't too excited about it. My Dream Team kids and i had to sing a song, so we had been preparing for that all week. Anyone who knows me well knows that i HATE singing in public which is one of the many reasons i quit choir years ago, so i was not looking forward to this. Some friends and i were going out dancing after the Pre-Posada as well, so truthfully all that was going through my head was, "can we please get this over with so i can go dancing???" After the evening i felt very ashamed about this.
My kids and i were up right after the ice-breaker, which only took a few minutes. We walked up on stage, opened our pink folders that had the lyrics inside and waited for the tacky intro to Jingle Bell Rock to begin playing. We started singing, and i began looking around. I saw all the people watching, finding faces in the crowd of people i know and love so much, and then started looking at my kids standing around me on stage. They were trying their hardest to pronounce the words right like we had practiced, and smiling at each other and everyone looking at them. In that moment, my heart was filled with such happiness and such love for these people, that i didn't want to start crying, so i burst out laughing. THANK GOD it was in a part of the song that i could still sing while laughing, and i don't think anybody but my kids noticed. After we were done we got a big round of applause and went back to our spots in the back.
One of my kids turned to me, and said, "that was a disaster." and all i could do was smile and agree. BUT IT WAS OKAY!!! In my head all i was thinking was that up until that moment, this Christmas had been a disaster for me. All i wanted to do was be at home, curled up in warm clothes, under a blanket, with a cup of eggnog by the fire. But it hit me like a ton of bricks, that i still love these people and this place, more than anything, even though i thought it would be a disaster!!! After that my head was flooded with movie quotes, lines from books, passages of scripture, and parts of sermons i have heard about Christmas, all saying that Christmas MEANS Jesus being born, coming to Earth for us. Saying that the other stuff is fun, but none of it is as important as being with the people you love, celebrating the TRUE reason for the season! And if that rush of guilt wasn't enough, Hugo then gave a 20 minute lesson on that EXACT subject!!!! Even though it was in Spanish, i was able to understand every word (such a God thing) and each word, like a dagger pierced my heart, until, by the end, i had nothing left in me except love for these people and the Christmas i was soon to share with them. Each word of his message stabbed out everything i was missing, everything i was wanting, and everything i had thought so many times about crying over, and replaced it with a stronger love than i have EVER felt for these people, this culture, and this Christmas i will partake in in a few days.
Jesus came, on Christmas day, grew up, suffered with us, to give us the ultimate gift, the best kind of service he had, his life!!!!! I am not comparing myself to Jesus at all. I am here, for these people though, and i wish to serve them in every way i can!!! At the Pre-Posada that was burning my hand almost 20 times serving steaming hot Ponche to everyone present. it was service with a smile for me, a smile for every single one of these people, whether i know them or not, because i am here to serve them NOT to be served!!!!
This Christmas is DEFINITELY going to be different!!! I have yet to see a real Christmas tree, i won't see any of my portland friends or family, i won't do any of the things i normally do, and i won't be in MY house, but it's okay!!!! I am here, in Morelia, Michoacan Mexico getting ready to spend Christmas with people i love just as much as my family at home!!! Getting ready to try new things, have new experiences, and share in the love of family that this culture revolves around!!!
So what if i'm the crazy white girl singing Christmas songs in every store i go in to??? So what if i'm still sweating instead of shivering??? So what if the fireplace where i live isn't even real??? So what if there isn't a tree in my house???
This is still going to be Christmas
Shared with people i love
Remembering what TRULY matters
That the God who brought me here
On this day so many years ago
Brought his son to this Earth
To Save me and everyone else here!!!
THAT IS THE REASON TO CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First i want to apologize that it has been almost 3 weeks since i last blogged, but the end of the trimester has left me very busy with papers, grades, etc.
Because i am 100% honest in this blog i need to warn all of you that this one is going to have a little bit of venting about all the things i miss about Christmas in the states. So here we go:
2 days ago when i started to get the idea for this blog, i wanted to call it "It's Beginning to Not Look AT ALL Like Christmas" for reasons that are about to be explained. Here in Morelia, it is still between 60 and 80 during the day. i am still walking around in t-shirts and capris without being cold in the slightest. At night it is a different story, but during the day i am still hot and almost miserable. Many stores play American Christmas music and people look at me funny when i am singing along while i shop. Other than the music however, it wasn't feeling at ALL like Christmas to me!!! Christmas means looking for rain that will soon turn into snow. Christmas means breaking out my boots and cute winter clothes so i can constantly be warm and cozy. Christmas means waking up every morning and smelling the Christmas tree. Christmas means making another wreath to hang somewhere in the house. Christmas means breaking out the huge pile of old Christmas movies and watching them one by one with my family. Christmas means baking delicious things with your family and shopping for presents. Christmas means EGGNOG!!!!! Christmas means me chopping wood for our fireplace and helping my mom get ready for our huge annual Christmas Party, which is one of the highlights of my year!!!
I know this is kind of immature but this IS how i was feeling until Friday. When people would ask me, "are you excited for your first Mexican Christmas???" I would smile and say yes, but inside i was screaming, "THIS ISN'T CHRISTMAS!!!"
I needed a good slap in the face, and man did i get one this last Friday during the Christmas service at NOE.
I had no idea what this thing was. It's called a Pre-Posada, so i asked what that meant. Posada's are a Catholic tradition in Mexico where people act out the Christmas story, walking from house to house looking for "room" for a party. One family is designated to say yes each time the people go walking and they stop at that house and have a party. The pre-Posada is another party where they sing, drink this delicious drink called Ponche, and break piñatas. So that is what we did in the Ark at NOE. I wasn't too excited about it. My Dream Team kids and i had to sing a song, so we had been preparing for that all week. Anyone who knows me well knows that i HATE singing in public which is one of the many reasons i quit choir years ago, so i was not looking forward to this. Some friends and i were going out dancing after the Pre-Posada as well, so truthfully all that was going through my head was, "can we please get this over with so i can go dancing???" After the evening i felt very ashamed about this.
My kids and i were up right after the ice-breaker, which only took a few minutes. We walked up on stage, opened our pink folders that had the lyrics inside and waited for the tacky intro to Jingle Bell Rock to begin playing. We started singing, and i began looking around. I saw all the people watching, finding faces in the crowd of people i know and love so much, and then started looking at my kids standing around me on stage. They were trying their hardest to pronounce the words right like we had practiced, and smiling at each other and everyone looking at them. In that moment, my heart was filled with such happiness and such love for these people, that i didn't want to start crying, so i burst out laughing. THANK GOD it was in a part of the song that i could still sing while laughing, and i don't think anybody but my kids noticed. After we were done we got a big round of applause and went back to our spots in the back.
One of my kids turned to me, and said, "that was a disaster." and all i could do was smile and agree. BUT IT WAS OKAY!!! In my head all i was thinking was that up until that moment, this Christmas had been a disaster for me. All i wanted to do was be at home, curled up in warm clothes, under a blanket, with a cup of eggnog by the fire. But it hit me like a ton of bricks, that i still love these people and this place, more than anything, even though i thought it would be a disaster!!! After that my head was flooded with movie quotes, lines from books, passages of scripture, and parts of sermons i have heard about Christmas, all saying that Christmas MEANS Jesus being born, coming to Earth for us. Saying that the other stuff is fun, but none of it is as important as being with the people you love, celebrating the TRUE reason for the season! And if that rush of guilt wasn't enough, Hugo then gave a 20 minute lesson on that EXACT subject!!!! Even though it was in Spanish, i was able to understand every word (such a God thing) and each word, like a dagger pierced my heart, until, by the end, i had nothing left in me except love for these people and the Christmas i was soon to share with them. Each word of his message stabbed out everything i was missing, everything i was wanting, and everything i had thought so many times about crying over, and replaced it with a stronger love than i have EVER felt for these people, this culture, and this Christmas i will partake in in a few days.
Jesus came, on Christmas day, grew up, suffered with us, to give us the ultimate gift, the best kind of service he had, his life!!!!! I am not comparing myself to Jesus at all. I am here, for these people though, and i wish to serve them in every way i can!!! At the Pre-Posada that was burning my hand almost 20 times serving steaming hot Ponche to everyone present. it was service with a smile for me, a smile for every single one of these people, whether i know them or not, because i am here to serve them NOT to be served!!!!
This Christmas is DEFINITELY going to be different!!! I have yet to see a real Christmas tree, i won't see any of my portland friends or family, i won't do any of the things i normally do, and i won't be in MY house, but it's okay!!!! I am here, in Morelia, Michoacan Mexico getting ready to spend Christmas with people i love just as much as my family at home!!! Getting ready to try new things, have new experiences, and share in the love of family that this culture revolves around!!!
So what if i'm the crazy white girl singing Christmas songs in every store i go in to??? So what if i'm still sweating instead of shivering??? So what if the fireplace where i live isn't even real??? So what if there isn't a tree in my house???
This is still going to be Christmas
Shared with people i love
Remembering what TRULY matters
That the God who brought me here
On this day so many years ago
Brought his son to this Earth
To Save me and everyone else here!!!
THAT IS THE REASON TO CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
My Cup Overflows
The title for this blog is a phrase from one of my favorite Psalms, Psalm 23, that until i came here to Morelia, I did not understand.
This Psalm has been with me almost my entire life. Some of my earliest childhood memories are sitting in the bathtub with my sisters or on the swings learning this psalm verse by verse. When i was little the best part about learning the verse was getting a small handful of chocolate chips every time i could repeat a verse back to one of my parents. Now that i'm an adult -wow that feels weird to say but it's true- i treasure having that Psalm with me all the time whenever i need it.
Most of the psalm is pretty basic and easy to understand. "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." I, often throughout life, would find joy in nature because of these verses, and found that being alone in God's creation did, indeed, restore my soul.
"He guides me in paths of righteousness for his namesake. Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me." I experiences this part for the first time when i went to Nepal in the summer of 2009. Every day there literally felt like the valley of the shadow of death, but God got me through it and showed me a LOT about myself and also what else i could get out of a relationship with him. Looking back, that trip changed my walk with Christ forever.
"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies." This verse was shown to me this last year during water polo season. God helped me get through a terrible mess with one of the girls on my team, who i considered my enemy, but he helped me grow in him through the experience.
"You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows." I always understood the analogy for anointing a head with oil, but i never understood the "my cup overflows" part. As a kid i experienced, many-a-time, the sudden impulse to slurp up foam when you fill your glass of soda too much, but that was it.
Here
Now
In Morelia
I Understand
How My Cup
Can Overflow.
My cup is my life, and it can overflow with all the blessings and happiness God gives me. Here in Morelia i am happier than i have ever been. This is because i can see my purpose here and i can see how to help people. I also am surrounded by hundreds of miracles here, and those miracles are every single kid at NOE!!! I am more blessed than i could ever have imagined. My heart is full to bursting with happiness and thankfulness for all that God has given me here.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and i must admit it is starting to feel a little weird being away from home at this time of year. On Facebook my wall is plastered with notifications of all my college friends going home to see their families for the holidays. I could continue that sentence by saying "while i am stuck here" but i won't say that because i'm not stuck! I love it here, and even though yes, sometimes it is a little hard to be away from home, it is worth it to be experiencing everything i am here.
I was thinking back this morning to last Thanksgiving. Spending it with family and friends was enjoyable, but on the inside my heart was broken into a million tiny pieces. I was trying to figure out what i wanted to do with the rest of my life, had just finished a really hard water polo season, was anxiously awaiting the results of my Intern request for NOE, and i just wasn't happy. My heart was full of worries and doubts and honestly, i wasn't thankful for much of anything in my life then.
This Thanksgiving, however, is a completely different story! My life is filled with more blessings and happiness than i ever could have hoped for, even in my wildest imagination! Sure my Thanksgiving isn't going to be perfect this year. The rolls will be store bought instead of my mom's, the green bean casserole will have potato chips instead of fried onions and the pies won't be hot out of the oven, but i am SOOOOO BLESSED HERE that all that little stuff fades away.
Even though i'm not HOME for Thanksgiving with my family and friends, i am home here in Morelia, ready to share a new kind of Thanksgiving with my new family and friends.
Thank you Lord for blessings and for giving me as many as i have here.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!! May your cups overflow as well this holiday season!!!
This Psalm has been with me almost my entire life. Some of my earliest childhood memories are sitting in the bathtub with my sisters or on the swings learning this psalm verse by verse. When i was little the best part about learning the verse was getting a small handful of chocolate chips every time i could repeat a verse back to one of my parents. Now that i'm an adult -wow that feels weird to say but it's true- i treasure having that Psalm with me all the time whenever i need it.
Most of the psalm is pretty basic and easy to understand. "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." I, often throughout life, would find joy in nature because of these verses, and found that being alone in God's creation did, indeed, restore my soul.
"He guides me in paths of righteousness for his namesake. Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me." I experiences this part for the first time when i went to Nepal in the summer of 2009. Every day there literally felt like the valley of the shadow of death, but God got me through it and showed me a LOT about myself and also what else i could get out of a relationship with him. Looking back, that trip changed my walk with Christ forever.
"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies." This verse was shown to me this last year during water polo season. God helped me get through a terrible mess with one of the girls on my team, who i considered my enemy, but he helped me grow in him through the experience.
"You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows." I always understood the analogy for anointing a head with oil, but i never understood the "my cup overflows" part. As a kid i experienced, many-a-time, the sudden impulse to slurp up foam when you fill your glass of soda too much, but that was it.
Here
Now
In Morelia
I Understand
How My Cup
Can Overflow.
My cup is my life, and it can overflow with all the blessings and happiness God gives me. Here in Morelia i am happier than i have ever been. This is because i can see my purpose here and i can see how to help people. I also am surrounded by hundreds of miracles here, and those miracles are every single kid at NOE!!! I am more blessed than i could ever have imagined. My heart is full to bursting with happiness and thankfulness for all that God has given me here.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and i must admit it is starting to feel a little weird being away from home at this time of year. On Facebook my wall is plastered with notifications of all my college friends going home to see their families for the holidays. I could continue that sentence by saying "while i am stuck here" but i won't say that because i'm not stuck! I love it here, and even though yes, sometimes it is a little hard to be away from home, it is worth it to be experiencing everything i am here.
I was thinking back this morning to last Thanksgiving. Spending it with family and friends was enjoyable, but on the inside my heart was broken into a million tiny pieces. I was trying to figure out what i wanted to do with the rest of my life, had just finished a really hard water polo season, was anxiously awaiting the results of my Intern request for NOE, and i just wasn't happy. My heart was full of worries and doubts and honestly, i wasn't thankful for much of anything in my life then.
This Thanksgiving, however, is a completely different story! My life is filled with more blessings and happiness than i ever could have hoped for, even in my wildest imagination! Sure my Thanksgiving isn't going to be perfect this year. The rolls will be store bought instead of my mom's, the green bean casserole will have potato chips instead of fried onions and the pies won't be hot out of the oven, but i am SOOOOO BLESSED HERE that all that little stuff fades away.
Even though i'm not HOME for Thanksgiving with my family and friends, i am home here in Morelia, ready to share a new kind of Thanksgiving with my new family and friends.
Thank you Lord for blessings and for giving me as many as i have here.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!! May your cups overflow as well this holiday season!!!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Here I Am Once Again
Here i am once again
i pour out my heart for i know that you hear
every cry, you are listening
no matter what state my heart is in
you are faithful to answer
with words that are true and a hope that is real
as i feel your touch
you bring a freedom to all that's within
in the safety of this place
I'M LONGING TO POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I NEED YOU
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I'M THANKFUL
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT YOU'RE WONDERFUL!!!
This has always been one of my all-time favorite worship songs, but until yesterday, i didn't really understand what it meant.
All my life i have desired to be able to do what this song says. To pour out my heart to Jesus, telling him i love him, that i need him, that i'm thankful, and that he is wonderful. Yesterday and today, i learned how to do that, and even though it is in the midst of terrible circumstances, i can be happy because i have fulfilled what this song says.
Yesterday the students and staff at NOE were informed that the mother of Claudia, one of the girls who just came to Portland this last summer as a part of Dream Team 15, was in the hospital. The doctors didn't know what was wrong, and she was doing really bad. That night at Bible study we had a time of worship and prayer. prayer for Claudia and her family and for Luis (Brian) Overcast as he flies back to Morelia. Tears streamed down my face as i saw all these incredible kids pouring their hearts out to Christ. In that moment i felt a conviction that i had never before experienced, and the prayers i uttered were unlike any that have ever come out of my mouth before!!!
Claudia is a very new believer. She began reading her Bible three months ago while she was in Portland, and since then has been attending church and the Bible study at NOE. Her faith is new but strong, so i pray that something as big as this will not shake it, but only make it stronger, no matter what the outcome is.
This morning during my class Juan came in and asked us to all stop and pray for Claudia and her mom because she was not doing well. Juan then informed me that he would be going to the hospital later that afternoon, and when i asked if i could accompany him, he said he would call me when he had an answer.
When i got the call around 2:30, instead of hearing confirmation that we were going to the hospital, i got the news that her mom was worse and that we had to wait. it was so hard, i was with my brothers and the entire mood changed for the rest of the afternoon. The call came at 3:45 that Clau wanted a group of us to come to the hospital to be with her. We said we would meet at NOE at 4:30 and then go at 5:00. When we got to NOE you could see the different dynamic with those of us who knew what was going on. We all went into a room and spent time crying and praying together, pouring our hearts out to God begging him to help Claudia and begging him for the healing and salvation of her mother. The power in that room, was like nothing i have ever felt in my entire life.
Now i TRULY know what it feels like to come pleading, to God, pouring out your heart to him. Watching the other kids crying and praying was so powerful.
We got to the hospital and Clau greeted us. We spent about 20 minutes just hugging her as we all cried and showing her that we cared. After that we got in a circle around her and embracing her, once again, lifted her and her mom up to our Lord in prayer. Right now the doctors have determined that her mom has a type of blood clot in her brain and she could die if it moves, so it is still a very scary time.
I finally however, understand that part of the song. Here i am, once again...it's saying that prayer and TRULY pouring out your heart to God cannot be a one time thing. It has to be constant, and even constant to the point where you want to say, "well, here i am AGAIN" but THAT is what matters to God!!! That we trust him and that we NEVER STOP believing that he can do something to change our circumstances!!!!!
Even though I have learned this lesson through difficult circumstances, i am still so thankful that i have, in fact, learned it.
Please continue to pray for Claudia, her mom, and her family, as well as these other things:
*This week is the busiest week of the year at NOE, so please pray that the stress will not cause all of us teachers to be harsh with each other, but that we will have patience and that everything will go smoothly.
*Luis (Brian) returns from Portland tomorrow. Please pray he has a safe journey.
*Ryan and Brent Hernandez arrive on Thursday to help us out. Please pray that they get here safely and that their time here will really encourage everyone.
*Friday is Amigo Night, a fundraiser for all the alumni of NOE, please pray that it will raise a lot of money and go really smoothly.
*Saturday is the Kermesse, a huge fundraiser for NOE, please pray that everything works out and that it raises a LOT of money for this incredible ministry!!!
*Then Sunday a group of us head out to a hot springs for a few days as a cool-down, sorry for the irony, after this hectic week. Please pray that we travel safely and that we have a great time.
Thank you so much for your prayers everyone!!!
i pour out my heart for i know that you hear
every cry, you are listening
no matter what state my heart is in
you are faithful to answer
with words that are true and a hope that is real
as i feel your touch
you bring a freedom to all that's within
in the safety of this place
I'M LONGING TO POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I NEED YOU
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT I'M THANKFUL
POUR OUT MY HEART
TO SAY THAT YOU'RE WONDERFUL!!!
This has always been one of my all-time favorite worship songs, but until yesterday, i didn't really understand what it meant.
All my life i have desired to be able to do what this song says. To pour out my heart to Jesus, telling him i love him, that i need him, that i'm thankful, and that he is wonderful. Yesterday and today, i learned how to do that, and even though it is in the midst of terrible circumstances, i can be happy because i have fulfilled what this song says.
Yesterday the students and staff at NOE were informed that the mother of Claudia, one of the girls who just came to Portland this last summer as a part of Dream Team 15, was in the hospital. The doctors didn't know what was wrong, and she was doing really bad. That night at Bible study we had a time of worship and prayer. prayer for Claudia and her family and for Luis (Brian) Overcast as he flies back to Morelia. Tears streamed down my face as i saw all these incredible kids pouring their hearts out to Christ. In that moment i felt a conviction that i had never before experienced, and the prayers i uttered were unlike any that have ever come out of my mouth before!!!
Claudia is a very new believer. She began reading her Bible three months ago while she was in Portland, and since then has been attending church and the Bible study at NOE. Her faith is new but strong, so i pray that something as big as this will not shake it, but only make it stronger, no matter what the outcome is.
This morning during my class Juan came in and asked us to all stop and pray for Claudia and her mom because she was not doing well. Juan then informed me that he would be going to the hospital later that afternoon, and when i asked if i could accompany him, he said he would call me when he had an answer.
When i got the call around 2:30, instead of hearing confirmation that we were going to the hospital, i got the news that her mom was worse and that we had to wait. it was so hard, i was with my brothers and the entire mood changed for the rest of the afternoon. The call came at 3:45 that Clau wanted a group of us to come to the hospital to be with her. We said we would meet at NOE at 4:30 and then go at 5:00. When we got to NOE you could see the different dynamic with those of us who knew what was going on. We all went into a room and spent time crying and praying together, pouring our hearts out to God begging him to help Claudia and begging him for the healing and salvation of her mother. The power in that room, was like nothing i have ever felt in my entire life.
Now i TRULY know what it feels like to come pleading, to God, pouring out your heart to him. Watching the other kids crying and praying was so powerful.
We got to the hospital and Clau greeted us. We spent about 20 minutes just hugging her as we all cried and showing her that we cared. After that we got in a circle around her and embracing her, once again, lifted her and her mom up to our Lord in prayer. Right now the doctors have determined that her mom has a type of blood clot in her brain and she could die if it moves, so it is still a very scary time.
I finally however, understand that part of the song. Here i am, once again...it's saying that prayer and TRULY pouring out your heart to God cannot be a one time thing. It has to be constant, and even constant to the point where you want to say, "well, here i am AGAIN" but THAT is what matters to God!!! That we trust him and that we NEVER STOP believing that he can do something to change our circumstances!!!!!
Even though I have learned this lesson through difficult circumstances, i am still so thankful that i have, in fact, learned it.
Please continue to pray for Claudia, her mom, and her family, as well as these other things:
*This week is the busiest week of the year at NOE, so please pray that the stress will not cause all of us teachers to be harsh with each other, but that we will have patience and that everything will go smoothly.
*Luis (Brian) returns from Portland tomorrow. Please pray he has a safe journey.
*Ryan and Brent Hernandez arrive on Thursday to help us out. Please pray that they get here safely and that their time here will really encourage everyone.
*Friday is Amigo Night, a fundraiser for all the alumni of NOE, please pray that it will raise a lot of money and go really smoothly.
*Saturday is the Kermesse, a huge fundraiser for NOE, please pray that everything works out and that it raises a LOT of money for this incredible ministry!!!
*Then Sunday a group of us head out to a hot springs for a few days as a cool-down, sorry for the irony, after this hectic week. Please pray that we travel safely and that we have a great time.
Thank you so much for your prayers everyone!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)